


The Road To Hell

by ShamelessSpocker (ForgottenOne)



Series: Desert Christmas [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Family, M/M, domestic AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-25
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2018-01-13 19:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 84,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1237660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenOne/pseuds/ShamelessSpocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fourth in the "Desert Christmas" series. Jim and Spock are experiencing the joys of raising a teenager and managing a career and a marriage at the same time. Not easy, no? They'll get through it, through thick and through thin, the way they always do: as a family. ST AU domestic story, rated T for innuendo and fade-to-blacks. Fifty eight chapters and an epilogue, cross-posted from FF.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Where It All Falls Apart

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: As always, Gene Roddenberry deserves full credit for creating the world in which I play, and JJ Abrams and crew gave us a new look at it. Nothing familiar is mine. I'm only responsible for the love and the anguish herein.

David walked in the front door and dropped his messenger bag on the stairs. He could hear Linkin Park playing rather loudly in the living room and he went back cautiously. He thought perhaps his stepfather, Captain Spock, was listening to his music for some reason or another. But he wouldn't have had it this loud. Would he? Finally, when he was almost to the room a voice began singing along, and David realized it wasn't his stepfather but his father in the back living area.

David stuck his head in to the dim room. "Dad?" he called.

" _For what I've done, I start again, and whatever pain may come, today this ends. I'm forgiving what I've done,_ " Captain James T. Kirk was lying on the floor, beer in hand, singing up at the ceiling. David inched around the sofa.

"Dad? Are you okay?" David looked at the empty bottles lined up with a small amount of fright. Jim hadn't gotten drunk since he married Spock twelve years ago, and had been rather proud of that fact. Something horrible must have been going on for him to resort to this behavior.

David picked up two bottles and gestured to the kitchen. "I'll just, uh, put these in recycling," he stammered. He walked back and forth at his task until there was just the bottle Jim was clutching left. "Dad, do you need to talk to someone? Is something wrong?"

"David?" Jim seemed to just register his son's presence. "Go to your room, buddy. You can get on the comm or the computer or whatever, just stay up there, okay?"

"Yes, sir," David answered quietly. He returned to the stairs and carried his schoolwork up to his room, but when he shut the door he went to the comm and dialed a number he never thought he'd have to call.

" _Enter code at command._ "

David entered his comm code with trembling hands. When it signaled success, he sat back and waited. His tension continued to build until the comm station rang six minutes later. He answered anxiously.

" _David? Are you well?"_ Spock looked at the screen.

"Father, something's wrong with Dad. He's … he's … well, he's kinda … drunk."

Spock blinked at the screen. _"I … do not know how to respond. I know you would not fabricate a tale of this magnitude; I will alert my TA to a family emergency and return home at once. I want you to stay in your room. Thank you for calling, David."_ Spock hung up without another word.

David was a very bright boy scholastically, but sometimes simple commands slipped his grasp. His father had told him to stay in his room; his stepfather had told him to stay in his room. However, his next action was to return to the living room to check on his intoxicated parent.

Jim was still lying on the floor, but now he was looking under the sofa for something. David retrieved the flashlight and climbed down beside him.

"Want some help?" David asked gently.

Jim's eyes focused for a second and his face darkened. "Did you not hear me, boy? Get in your room! Don't come out! Go on, get outta here! Go!" He continued yelling as David scrambled back to his feet, dropping the flashlight and dashing back up the stairs. David sat on his bed and tried to calm his heart down. He was becoming more and more afraid.

Spock took a cab home; he had expected Jim to pick him up in another hour but apparently _that_ wasn't happening. What could be happening to Jim? Why on Earth would he do this, knowing his son could find him in this condition? The whole reason they arranged their schedules the way they did was so one of them would be home for David before he left the house and when he returned from school. This semester was Spock's turn for morning duty and Jim was to be home in the evenings. For the first time, Spock found himself actually _hoping_ his stepson had exaggerated, or even outright lied.

The driver let Spock off at the path to the door and he paid quickly and walked up to the house. His first thought was to investigate the aircar for damage. There was none; apparently whatever happened had started at home. Spock breathed a small sigh of relief.

He walked in the house and was greeted with the sound of Simon and Garfunkel blasting from the downstairs computer. He stalked in the living room and yanked open the blinds, flooding the room with sunlight. The room's occupant cursed and covered his eyes.

"What the fuck, man?"

Spock reached down and hoisted Jim up to his feet. "Would you care to repeat that statement to my face?" he growled. Jim clammed up and Spock dropped him on the sofa. "Is there a sufficient reason why my stepson returned home to find his parent intoxicated to the point of frightening him?" He waited for a beat, and then knelt down in front of Jim and switched tactics.

"Please speak with me, James. What has occurred to produce this behavior in you? I am understandably alarmed."

Jim had enough trouble dealing with Spock's good cop/bad cop routine sober. With eight beers in him, it was a lost cause. "I love you?" he answered hopefully.

Spock raised Jim's face toward the light and checked his pupils. They had almost swallowed the blue that normally surrounded them. Spock frowned. "How much have you consumed?"

Jim pushed him away suddenly and burped. Then he shook his head. "Nope, just a burp. Um, I don't know. I had them all lined up but somebody took them."

Spock went in the kitchen and counted the empty bottles, which is when he found the other four bottles and poured them out. Then he got a large glass of water and brought it back to his mate.

"I need you to drink this, Jim."

Jim eyed the glass. "I'm really not that thirsty anymore."

"Please, _t'hy'la_? For me? It is merely water. It will prevent the worst of the dehydration you will suffer later. I have no access to hyposprays for this condition, not anymore."

"Too bad," Jim sighed. He took the glass and sipped at it. "You seemed miffed about something."

Spock felt his jaw twitch where he was clinching his teeth and he methodically relaxed the muscles. "James, a fourteen year old boy emergency-paged me forty eight minutes ago because the one parent who was responsible for him was lying incapacitated on the living room floor. I had to inform my TA that I had a family emergency and left my class mid-lecture to return home to find you in _this_ condition. Are you so impaired that you cannot see where I would be angered?"

Jim made a strange face and Spock felt the nausea through the bond only in time to step away from his mate before Jim was violently ill. The full glass of water hit the floor and soaked in the carpet. Spock sighed and stepped over the mess to the linen closet, where he got a small towel and brought it back to his husband.

"Are you able to ascend the stairs to the bathroom, or shall I carry you?" Spock asked in resignation.

Jim held his head. "Uh, how many stairs again?"

Spock shook his head and scooped Jim up in a fireman's carry, taking him from the living room to the stairs and up to their bedroom. He deposited Jim on the bed and began undressing him.

"Hey _hey_ , frisky are we?" Jim purred.

Spock stopped and stared at his partner. "James, please believe me, right now you are the farthest from enticing you can possibly be. You are intoxicated and covered in vomit. I am attempting to prepare you for the shower."

"Oh." Jim tried to help and after several failed attempts to get his shirt off he lay back and exhaled. "Why are you mad at me again?" he finally uttered.

Spock ignored him and when Jim was naked he guided him in the bathroom and into the shower stall. He turned on the water and shut the door. Jim stood there, bewildered.

"Clean yourself, James."

Jim looked down at his body as if it were a new creation. "I'm clean!" he protested.

Spock undressed hastily and climbed in the shower with Jim. He raised the temperature and got the soap. Trying to push down the disappointment he felt, he helped a 38-year old man to wash himself. When they were done, Spock grabbed their towels and roughly dried them both off.

Jim leaned against the wall. "I'm sleepy," he began.

"I will place you to bed, Jim. Here," Spock led him to the left side of the bed and pulled down the covers, and then covered him up again. "I will be here, should you need me. Sleep now." He didn't have to say it twice – Jim was out.


	2. In Which We Receive Answers

Spock got into an old pair of khakis and a soft button-down shirt and walked out to his stepson's room. He knocked on the door as a courtesy.

"David?"

David opened the door. "Hi, Father. I'm sorry." He lowered his eyes.

Spock tilted his head. "For what are you apologizing? Certainly you did not place your father in this condition."

"No, but you both told me to stay in my room and I didn't."

"Ah." Spock nodded. "Are you well? You are not injured, are you?"

David shook his head. "No. Just a little scared. What's going on?"

Spock lifted a shoulder slightly. "I do not know, David. Something has upset your father greatly, but he is in no shape to tell us now. He will awaken tonight worse for the wear but we will receive our answers. You were entirely correct to use my emergency-page system. I thank you for your maturity." He gestured to the stairs. "Do not come to the lower level until I am done cleaning the mess. You are certain you were not injured?"

"I'm fine, Father. Thanks for coming home." David shut the door and Spock went downstairs with several large towels to begin soaking up the disaster in the living room. While he worked, he dialed a number on the comm system.

When it was answered, Spock stood briefly to greet the recipient.

"Dr. McCoy. It is pleasing to see you. Are you well?"

" _Hi, Spock. I'm great. What did he do this time?"_

Spock pretended to be affronted. "Am I not allowed to call to converse with you?"

" _You never call unless dumbass has pulled some stupid stunt. So spill it, Mr. Pixie. What did he do this time?"_ McCoy replied.

"It is embarrassing to recount the story. Are you alone?" Spock asked slowly.

McCoy got up and locked the door and pressed the privacy button. _"We are now. What's wrong, Spock?"_

Spock sighed. "I was called home unexpectedly to find James thoroughly inebriated."

" _What? He got drunk? Wait."_ McCoy checked the computer. _"It's not anything big today, right? We're not missing some anniversary or something?"_

"Not of which I am aware."

" _Is everyone okay?"_ McCoy continued. _"David's not hurt or in trouble at school or anything?"_

Spock shook his head. "No, doctor."

McCoy put his chin in his hand. _"Wow. Uh, okay. Maybe he just did it for no reason, but if he did I hope you give him a piece of your mind. What if David had needed him or something? He can't just pour himself in a bottle whenever he pleases anymore!"_

"Indeed. Thank you for your assistance, Dr. McCoy. I will release you now."

" _Okay. Sorry I couldn't help, Spock. Talk to you later."_ McCoy closed the connection

Spock finished cleaning up and opened the windows to air out the room. A soft breeze was blowing outside and Spock walked out the door to the back yard. Standing on the small porch, he closed his eyes and felt the heat of the September sun and the teasing whisper of the wind. For a moment he forgot about drunk bondmates and frightened stepsons and incomplete lectures and just existed. Then the moment passed and he opened his eyes and turned back in the house.

He climbed the stairs to the main bedroom and opened the door and looked inside. Jim was not asleep; he was sitting on the edge of the bed crying. Spock entered the room quietly and knelt beside his mate.

"Jim, what is wrong? What happened?"

Jim sniffled. "Your dad called."

Spock nodded. "And?"

"Solion's dead."

Spock inhaled. "Oh, James, I am so sorry. _I stand by you in your time of mourning, as I mourn too_ ," he intoned in Vuhlkansu.

The ancient phrase, given to family members during their time of grief, undid Jim and he sobbed even harder. Spock got up and sat beside him, wrapping his arms around him and rocking him.

"I – I didn't even get to say goodbye!" Jim choked out.

"We knew this day would come," Spock tried. "You both remained in close contact and much of what needed to be said was said." Spock leaned in to whisper in Jim's ear. "He is with his Jim now."

Jim took a couple of hitching breaths and wiped his eyes. "I know. You're right, I shouldn't be sad. They're finally together again. It's just, he was the first person to believe in me, you know? He barely knew me and he had all the faith in the world in me. He knew I could save Earth, he knew I could captain the _Enterprise_ , and he knew I could love you. And I know it's because of the other me, but for once it was nice to be Jim Kirk the hero, not Jim Kirk the fuck-up."

Spock took one of Jim's hands in his. "He was a parental figure to you, was he not?"

"Yeah. Actually more like a great-uncle who knew my worst traits but I was his favorite anyway. We started talking when I was on the ship. I still thought you two couldn't talk or the space-time continuum would explode. He would listen to me bitch and then he would tell me a tale of the other Jim, and I would think, _hey, I can do this,_ and I'd try again."

Spock looked down. "I remember speaking with the ambassador and confiding in him my feelings for you. If I had been more observant, I would have noticed it did not shock or offend him. In fact, he always praised you to me. I would call him, seething over some stunt you had performed, and he would remind me that as First Officer my duty was to support you, but also protect you from yourself." He tilted his head. "I did not understand the magnitude of that charge until I bonded with you, and realized how reckless you often were."

"He stayed alone for so very long," Jim sighed. Then he looked at his mate. "I don't want you to stay alone that long. Please? When I finally die," and he broke off when Spock shook his head and turned away. "No, babe, please listen to me. When I die, I know you're going to mourn. But when you're done I want you to find a new mate. You'll be young enough."

"My age has nothing to do with it, James. You are my _t'hy'la_. I will never find another mate equal to you, and it would be wrong to begin a substandard relationship solely for the purpose of companionship. I would rather be alone. I believe he felt the same."

There was a knock at the door and Jim wiped his face and climbed under the covers. "Come in," he called.

David stuck his head in the door. "Are you okay, Dad?"

Jim nodded and waved the boy in. "It's okay, David, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done this and I'm really sorry. It was childish of me."

"So why _did_ you do it?" David asked innocently.

Spock looked at his mate and then at the child. "David, someone your father and I knew very well has died."

"Oh," David breathed. "I'm so sorry. Who was it?"

Jim sighed. "Do you remember the old Vulcan you stayed with last year? The one you said was cooler than any other Vulcan?"

"Solion?" David cried. "Solion died?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, David," Jim told his son, whose face had crumpled.

"I knew he was old, but Vulcans live a really long time," David told his parents. "He was really awesome. He kinda reminded me of Father, even before I knew."

Jim laughed and through the bond he told his mate, _I knew he was going to figure out Solion eventually._

"David, is there something you need?" Spock asked politely.

"Nah," the boy answered. "I just wanted to check on Dad."

"Very well. I need to have a discussion with your father, so if you will excuse us …."

David nodded and ducked back out the door, shutting it quietly. Spock turned to his mate and the expression on his face promised trouble. Jim swallowed and held still for the verbal beating to come.


	3. Whoops

"James, there is absolutely no excuse for your behavior this afternoon. It was beyond childish. It was reckless and potentially life-threatening had David been injured and you could not assist him. Did it not occur to you that a fourteen year old boy would be returning home in the middle of your stunt?"

"I didn't think about it," Jim began, and Spock held up a finger.

"Do not speak," he instructed. "I do not want to hear your excuses or your apologies. For now I want you to hear the ramifications of your behavior. You are the primary custody holder. If something were to have happened because of your immature behavior, the court would have had every right to remove David from our home."

"What?" Jim sputtered.

"I am not listed as a custody holder. Only you and Dr. Marcus have had that privilege. I am merely a stepparent. Dr. Marcus lost primary custody because of her behavior. Why do you not see you could lose custody just as easily for this exploit?" Spock exclaimed.

Jim rubbed his legs against the sheets and frowned. "It's not like I've done this more than once, Spock. You want to back off a bit?" Spock opened his mouth and Jim pinned him with a glare. "No, I'm not going to sit here like a four year old and be lectured to. I fucked up, I said I was sorry, now back the fuck off!"

Spock clinched his teeth. "James, you do not want to test me."

"Test you? Fuck _testing_ you, I'm outright telling you to fucking _back_ _off_!"

Spock got up and walked out of the room. Jim got up unsteadily and got clean clothes on. He was still tipsy but could maneuver well enough. His first duty was to check on his son. David was playing a computer game and listening to his iPod. He didn't even notice his dad peek in the room. Next, Jim went to the kitchen. He was very thirsty but water didn't sound appealing at the moment. He poured some grape juice and sat down at the table.

He was halfway through the glass of juice when it occurred to him the house was practically silent. He got up, weaving his way into the living room. It was empty. Where was Spock? Movement out a window caught his eye and he went to the back door. Peering out the window, he saw what was moving.

Spock was in the back yard; he had the staff of wood he had whittled on and was performing a kind of routine. He moved slowly, breathing in through his nose and out his mouth, and Jim watched, mesmerized. It was in the mid-80's that day, but Spock didn't break a sweat. He just continued on with his pattern. Finally he slowed to a stop and knelt in the dirt, almost in a prayerful position. Jim walked away, feeling like an intruder in a sacred moment.

Jim looked around the living room at all the pictures the two men had collected. There was their group photo of the bridge crew from the _Enterprise_ ; that was before Jim and Spock had been a couple. There was a picture of Ambassador Sarek, Spock's father, holding David on his lap when David was only five. Another picture was of Jim, Spock, and David in snowsuits standing on a snowy mountain. That was their first family vacation, when they had gone skiing. There were so many memories there.

Then he came to the picture he had laid on its face. He slowly picked it up and looked at it again. It was of a kindly old Vulcan whose eyes twinkled and who wore a permanent half-smile. They had asked Solion for this picture five years ago. It hadn't crossed Jim's mind that the Vulcan was pushing 200 and might not be around much longer. The elderly man had been in excellent health and had remained active in life, holding a position as an ambassador with the Vulcan Embassy.

The old Vulcan went by the name Solion, but in another universe he was Spock. He had been the First Officer of the USS _Enterprise_ , bonded and married to its captain, James T. Kirk. He had been through life and death ("and beyond" in his words) with his crew, and was fulfilling his dream of being an ambassador from Vulcan to Romulus. He was on a rescue mission when the unexpected happened and he was sucked into a black hole and whisked into a new existence, where his life was played out before him in some strange form of instant replay. He had realized he could change the world or let it slide, and decided to let these new people make their own choices as much as he could stand.

Solion had been on Starfleet's radar since he had been rescued from Delta Vega and a simple medical scan he didn't refuse in time revealed there were actually two Spocks in the universe. After grilling him for the reason for his existence, Starfleet immediately tried to exploit the old man into giving them information that would "save the Federation". Solion refused to perform on command; however, occasionally he would spit out a warning and the admiralty would sit up and take notice. He wouldn't change the course of history without a heavy reason.

Although, he had taken notice of two young men on the _Enterprise_. Captain James T. Kirk and Commander Spock both knew of the older man from the _Narada_ crisis andcame to the elder for advice and to sound their ideas out, and eventually began to speak of unexpected feelings that developed for each other. Both swore the old man to secrecy. However it was six months later that, with his help, the two told each other (almost) voluntarily and in yet another universe, Jim and Spock became _Jim and Spock._

Jim had always wondered if the man hadn't stepped in if his husband would have told him of his feelings. Jim sent a thank you note every year on their anniversary to the older Vulcan, just to remind him he had been instrumental in the two becoming one. Their thirteenth anniversary was in three months. There would be no thank you note this year.

Jim heard the back door open and laid the picture back down. He turned around slowly. "Hey. Um, listen – "

Spock walked through the room and up the stairs without pausing to hear Jim's statement. Jim frowned and meandered out of the room and up the stairs where he found Spock in the bedroom, working on a report on his padd.

"Like I was going to say – "

"I will not speak with you while you are still inebriated." Spock glanced up briefly. "You may try again when your mind has cleared." He returned to his work.

Jim huffed out a breath. "I'm not totally trashed, Spock, I can talk."

"I am obeying your last command, to 'fucking back off'," Spock told his mate frostily. Jim kicked backward and hit the wall behind him and Spock looked back up in resignation. "What, James?"

"I was going to fucking _apologize_ , but apparently you're not interested in hearing anything I have to say."

"Apologies usually do not involve profanity, or violence."

Jim leaned back against the wall. "Okay. I'll try again. I'm _sorry,_ Spock. I didn't mean to go off on you. I just get so tired of being lectured to like I'm some mental invalid."

"Sincere apologies do not involve justifications either." Spock continued writing.

Jim opened his mouth and closed it again. Then he went to the bed and lay down, closing his eyes and trying to force himself to sleep. He hated it when he and Spock fought. Maybe when he woke up it would be over. He felt his eyelids getting heavier and his last conscious thought was _Maybe I shouldn't have done this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Well, Jim and Spock certainly aren't off to a good start, now, are they? Let's just hope things get better. Nah, you know me too well. Of course they will. But what's up next? I shall be updating sporadically but rest assured I will never abandon this story. Fourth in the series, this will probably be the last "Desert Christmas" story I post. This is where I will be leaving you, my pretties; just so you are prepared. I challenge you all to write your own stories and take your characters (be they your own or ones you're fans of) on an adventure of your own. Write on, dudes, write on.


	4. Calling In Reinforcements

Jim woke up with a headache the size of California and a queasy stomach to match it. He opened his eyes and found a plate with crackers, a knife, and a jar of peanut butter sitting beside a glass of juice, all on the nightstand. He sat up and his stomach rolled for a completely different reason. In the twentieth century, there used to be something called cartoons, and in the cartoons when a character felt really bad about something they had done, they turned into a skunk. Jim felt he had a black and white tail himself now. Spock had gone to all this trouble for him?

He ate his crackers slowly, letting his insides catch up with his outsides. When he was done he got up and went to the bathroom and cleaned up before carrying the plate and glass back down to the kitchen. David was sitting in the kitchen, eating vegetable eggrolls. The boy looked up and smiled.

"You liked the crackers?" David asked happily.

Jim paused. " _You_ brought me the crackers and juice?"

"Yeah. I remember from health class that when you have a hangover you're dehydrated, and you haven't eaten since breakfast. I thought it would help."

Jim looked around. "Where's your father?"

David shrugged. "He went out about two hours ago."

"In the car?"

"No, he called a cab. He said he left a note for you on the downstairs computer." David finished his meal and put his plate away.

Jim walked in the living room and turned on the screen. There was a note minimized, and he pulled it up. What he read knocked his breath out.

_James,_

_I trust you will find this note in a more sober frame of mind than I left you. David has assured me he will not mind waiting for you to awaken. I am leaving for a hotel. I do not feel I can stay with you while you alternate intoxication and abusive behavior. I will be in contact at a later time to determine how long I will be away._

_Spock_

Jim stared at the screen, trying to will the characters to change to something not as painful. He realized David was standing beside him and he shut off the screen.

"Father left us, didn't he?"

Jim swallowed. "Not permanently. He just needs some space, that's all. He'll be back."

David leaned against the desk. "I don't see what the big deal is. You lost someone and you got drunk. At least you were at home; you weren't driving or something."

"I'm responsible for you, David. If something had happened to you and I wasn't able to respond it would have been my fault."

There was a snort. "I'm fourteen. It's not like I'm a baby anymore." He wasn't convincing. David looked down. "I'm sorry I called Father on you. I thought something was wrong and I got scared. I could have taken care of you and me without him. I promise I won't call him again."

"No, dude, it's alright. I'm glad you called him, and hopefully you won't ever have to call him again. We'll get through this. We just have to stick together."

"Just us two Kirks," David replied.

"No, the three of us," Jim insisted. "You're not _mad_ at your father, are you?"

"He left us!" David exclaimed. "Why shouldn't I be mad? He's the one that walked out on _us_ , he can go to hell for all I care!"

"Hey! Mouth!" Jim snapped, and the boy colored. "I don't want you talking that way. If he can forgive me for all the stupid things I've pulled over the years, I can forgive him for taking a breather for once. And you can forgive him too."

"Whatever," David replied, and walked out of the room. Jim pulled up the directory and began calling each hotel one after another, asking if there was a Spock staying there. He found him in the fourth one down the list, and asked to be connected to the room.

The line rang for a minute and finally Spock answered.

"Hey," Jim breathed. "Can we talk?"

" _We_ may _talk,"_ Spock responded in a typical fashion.

"Look, I screwed up and I'm really sorry, but I don't think it warranted you leaving the house. That's a little drastic, don't you think?"

" _Becoming intoxicated over the death of my counterpart was not just as drastic?"_ Spock shot back.

Jim pursed his lips. "Death gets to me. Especially when I lose someone who means that much to me. He's the first personal loss I've faced since you and I got together, and you're right, I didn't handle it well. But still, baby, why did you leave?"

Spock closed his eyes briefly. _"Please refrain from using your terms of endearment with me. I am not in a gracious mood at this point."_

"Okay, Spock. Fine. But you're not answering the question. Why did you leave? Do you know how badly you've upset David?"

There was silence. _"The child may not understand my reasoning now, however I will explain if or when I return."_

" _If or when_?" Jim stammered. "Spock, this is bordering on the ridiculous. I understand you may need space to get your head straight – I won't argue that. But you're coming back, because you wouldn't leave me forever, right?"

" _I understand you may be unnerved by my absence, however you will grow accustomed to it. Just as I became accustomed to your absence in my life nine point six years ago."_

Jim took a second to calculate the time frame and then grunted. "Spock, we were separated eight and a half hours. I was in the next freaking cabin and we saw each other every five minutes all over the ship. You can't compare that with this."

" _Do you need something, James?"_ Spock broke in.

"No." Jim felt his stomach knot again. "I'll let you go."

" _Live long and prosper,"_ Spock responded, and the line went dead.

Jim took a breath and started to dial another number when it occurred to him, Solion was gone. He couldn't call the old man for advice anymore, and suddenly his eyes were flooded again. He wiped the tears away furiously and dialed a different number.

" _Hello?"_

"Father," Jim began.

" _What has occurred?"_ Sarek asked automatically, putting down his padd.

"How did you know?"

" _I have seen enough humans in tears to know the sight. What happened, son?"_

Jim sniffled. "I made a huge mistake and Spock left me. Us," he corrected.

Sarek frowned. _"Were you unfaithful?"_

"No."

" _Did you take another's life?"_

"No!" Jim shook his head violently.

Sarek's eyes narrowed. _"What mistake could be so grave that my son would leave his dwelling and leave his mate and stepchild behind?"_

"You remember calling me about Solion?" Jim posed. Sarek agreed. "Well, I kinda went out and bought a bunch of beer and got drunk and David found me like that and called Spock."

Sarek pulled his head back. _"But you were not unfaithful and you did not take a life? Did you harm your child?"_

"No, he was just scared."

" _James, when was the last time you overindulged?"_ Sarek asked.

Jim shrugged. "It was after a diplomatic mission on the ship, like over fourteen years ago." He laughed mirthlessly. "That was the last time I was drunk _period_."

Sarek looked at his son by marriage with kindness. _"Child, I do not believe you have erred so egregiously that Spock will not forgive you. Where is he now?"_

"At a hotel."

" _Give me his number."_ Sarek picked up a padd and Jim rattled off the number to the hotel he had found Spock in. _"I will speak with my son. Have you apologized?"_

Jim sighed. "I've tried. I keep screwing it up."

" _Take heart, son. This will work out. Peace and long life."_

"Live long and prosper, Father," Jim replied and hung up to find David in the doorway.

"Was that Grandfather?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah."

"Is he going to get Father to come back?" David asked with some small hope in his voice.

"I hope so." Jim smiled at the young boy.


	5. Broken Hearts Heal Slow

Across town, Spock answered his comm crossly, expecting it to be his husband again.

"Yes?" he snapped.

" _Did you leave your manners behind in your dwelling as well?"_ Sarek posed. Spock immediately blushed light green. _"I have heard from your mate. Would you like to give your rendition of this evening's events?"_

Spock narrowed his eyes at his father. "James has alternated between completely selfish, childish behavior, and abusive behavior. I should not have to be subjected to it."

" _Was he sober when he exhibited this behavior?"_ Sarek pointed out.

"That is not the point."

" _It is exactly the point, Spock!"_ Sarek became so frustrated he slipped into Vuhlkansu. "James did not exhibit this behavior for fourteen years. One slip can be forgiven. Walking out on a mate cannot."

" _Is that wisdom from Surak, or you?_ " Spock replied harshly in his native tongue.

Sarek sighed and switched back to Standard. _"What is it you want, child? Your mate is begging you to return, your stepchild is most likely confused and frightened, and your father thinks you are a fool. What is your endgame in this?"_

There was a long pause, and then Spock looked down. "I do not know, Father. I ask your forgiveness. I do not know what came over me."

His father became concerned. _"Do you need to see a doctor, Spock? Are you unwell?"_

"I do not believe so. I _have_ been under a great deal of stress at work. I may have overreacted."

Sarek tilted his head. _"Go home, Spock. Go home to your mate and your stepchild and put this behind you. You are fortunate your mate will forgive such a stunt, but I believe you are both forgiving individuals. Go home, Spock."_

"Yes, Father. Live long and prosper," he told his parent as he hung up.

Spock was silent in the cab, and walked up the drive with trepidation. He hesitated at the door – should he knock, or simply enter? Did he still have the right to merely walk in? Finally, he rang the doorbell.

David answered the door, and his face became sullen instantly. "What do _you_ want?"

"David Gregory!" Jim chided, walking up. "Who are you – oh, hi Spock. Why'd you ring the bell?"

"I was unsure of my status in this house. I see now whatever it is, it is not 'welcomed'."

Jim stepped out on the front porch and shut the door behind him. "David's a little tender right now. You're his superhero and when you just up and walked out it kinda broke his heart. He'll be alright. Is there something I can do for you?"

Spock swallowed and held his hands together in front of his waist. "I realize I have no right to ask your forgiveness and anything beyond that would be a blessing, however …."

Jim reached out and touched Spock's sleeve. "Hey, it's okay. Turnabout's fair play, right? I didn't even have to wait eight and a half hours. If you want to come home, you're welcome. Come on, babe."

Spock hesitated again. "I should not have taken my frustration out on you. I am under tremendous pressure at the Academy and I received unpleasant news just before David called me about you. Can you forgive me?"

"Hey, babe, I _did_ do something completely selfish and childish. I should have come to you about Solion's death. You might have needed comforting too. If I you can forgive me, I can forgive you."

"My father called me a fool. I should never have left your side. _I_ was the selfish and childish one. I ask your forgiveness first," Spock insisted.

"Of course I forgive you, silly. Now let's get off this porch and let's get in the house where I can be with you. The smell is almost gone, although I'll warn you, I had to shampoo the carpet." Jim waited for his mate to enter the house. They went upstairs first and found their path blocked by a five foot nine inch frowning boy.

"What is _that_ son of a bitch doing here?"

Spock shrank back in surprise at the vehemence in his stepson's voice, and Jim raised a hand to him. Spock grabbed it and leaned in to whisper reassurances to Jim. Finally Spock looked up again.

"Your profanity is uncalled for and inappropriate in this household. Please rephrase your statement."

"Make me," David snapped back.

Jim jerked his hand free and walked into David's room. He disconnected the comm station and keyed in a command that disabled the computer. Then he pointed down in front of himself.

"You get your butt in here _now_ , young man." Jim waited for his angry teen to slink in. "Your computer is locked out, I'm taking the comm station, and I'm taking your iPod. You sit your happy rear in this room and you _think_ about what you want to say to your stepfather the next time you see him." He swiped the little music player off the counter and carried it and the communications station out. He slammed the door behind him.

"James, was that entirely necessary? He originally learned the comment from you," Spock pointed out gently.

"When he commands a starship for five years, he'll earn the right to say it."

Spock stopped his mate and pulled him a little closer, whispering in his ear again because Spock knew that drove Jim insane, and thus would distract him. "You were speaking of your own stepfather in those terms at the age of eleven," Spock reminded him.

Jim turned around with a shocked expression on his face. "You cannot seriously compare Don Barnett and you in the same breath. There has to be a law or something. Don beat us senseless and wouldn't feed us most of the time over an eight year period. You walked out one teeny tiny time in twelve years for a grand total of four hours. Big deal."

Spock stood in front of his husband. "James, it is a _very_ big deal to a fourteen year old whose parents fought bitterly over his custody to have a formerly stable part of his life suddenly removed. I do not blame David for his frustration. And I do not expect to regain his trust any time soon," he added quietly.

"Hey," Jim whispered, putting down the equipment and holding Spock tightly. "Don't beat yourself up so bad. You just made a mistake. It's been a hard day on him all around. Please don't make me cheer you up. When you're sad, I'm sad, and I'm still just drunk enough that I might cry again."

Spock frowned. "You have been drinking again?"

"Ha! No, hon, humans don't sober up that fast. Maybe if I get a meal in me or something. It's not that bad," Jim went on apologetically. "I'm just a little slower than you might think. I'll go eat, how's that?"

"Very well," Spock conceded. Jim put the equipment away and they went to the kitchen, where Jim fixed a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spock got the salad out and fixed himself a bowl and the two ate at the table. They were almost done when David came down the stairs and stood in the doorway, arms crossed.


	6. I'll Show You I Love You

"I'll apologize for using bad language," David yielded.

"But not for the sentiment behind the statement?" Spock queried. David remained silent. "I am able to accept that. David, may I apologize to you for my inappropriate behavior?"

David broke eye contact and looked at the cabinets. "It doesn't matter."

Spock got up. "It _does_ matter, David. You trusted me and I betrayed that trust. I did not stop to consider the collateral damage in my actions. Please know – when I left, I left your father, not you."

"You left us both," David hissed. "Dad needed you and you walked out, and what was I supposed to do? I know you think I'm so mature for my age and I act all grown up, but I'm still only fourteen, Mr. Spock! You got mad at Dad for being drunk when I got home? Well I got mad at you for leaving Dad with me like that. What if something had happened? You're the only one I've ever known to call! What would I have done?" By the end of his spiel David's eyes were full of angry tears.

Spock took a deep breath. "I have no adequate manner to convey my deepest and most humble apologies. I will assure you it will not happen again – "

"Like your word means anything now," David growled.

"David!" Jim began, but Spock held up a hand.

"No, Jim, I earned that." Spock put his hands behind his back. "How can I begin earning your trust again?"

"Isn't collateral damage what Starfleet's always talking about when a bunch of servicemembers get killed? Doesn't that mean it doesn't really matter?" David pressed.

"No. Collateral damage is damage caused unintentionally during a planned attack. I was fighting with your father, and I did not intend to injure you, however I did. It matters a great deal to me, David. Again I ask, how can I earn your trust?"

"Prove it. Prove you'll never leave again and I'll forgive you."

Spock shook his head. "There is no way for me to comply with that directive, David. I cannot predict the future. Any number of incidents may occur which require me to leave for a prescribed amount of time, and I cannot foresee them all. Is there another way?"

"Do you love me?" David asked suddenly.

"Quite so, yes, David. You mean a great deal to me. You are incredibly important in my life. I cannot adequately express how much I care for you." Spock shifted on his feet. "And _that_ I _can_ prove _._ "

"How?"

"Come to the table, please." Spock watched David sit at the table and he knelt in front of him. "I am going to perform a mind meld with you. May I join your mind?" he asked officially.

"Okay," the boy answered.

Spock touched David's face and found his psi points and whispered before their minds touched and …

_Spock was almost knocked backward by the anger and pain in the young man's mind._

_David felt sadness, and shame. As he became oriented in the meld, he projected his thoughts._

– _Mr. Spock? Are those your feelings? You're sad and ashamed?_

– _Indeed, David. That is how I feel at this moment. I wish to show you several memories I hold dear. Is this acceptable?_

_David went to nod his head and realized he couldn't._

– _Okay._

_Suddenly he saw a little boy playing with toys in a small room. The little boy was him. This was when he met his father and Mr. Spock for the first time. He watched himself show the_ ta'al _to someone and then the memory jumped forward and he heard him speaking._

" _... But I want to call you Daddy Two." There was an immediate surge of pride and a little embarrassment._

_Then he saw himself on a horse, speaking up to someone. He was six. There was a sense of amusement and he realized Spock had not been speaking to the horses yet. He was merely pretending. At first David was angry, but then Spock spoke again._

– _David, I did not want to frighten you by actually melding with the horse. I was going to explain..._

– _No, it's okay, I get it. I'm glad you did it the way you did._

_The next memory was apparently a frightening one. David was eight, and had spiked a steep temperature while staying with his friends overnight. Spock had sat up with him all night, and midway through the night Spock had laid down on the sofa and laid David by his side. He stroked the boy's forehead and whispered softly to him._

" _The fever will leave, David. Do not fear. I am here with you. Do not cry. It will be over. I am here," Spock repeated over and over. There was a feeling of intense sadness and a lot fear._

– _Why were you afraid, Mr. Spock?_

– _I had never dealt with a sick child before. I was afraid I would lose you in the night. I did not sleep until the doctor arrived the next morning._

_Then David saw his seventh grade teacher speaking to Spock._

" _Captain Spock, David thinks the world of you and he would do anything to make you proud. He wants to grow up to be a scientist like you."_

_David felt the embarrassment again, and just a hint of pride._

_Then he saw forty minutes ago._

" _What is_ that _son of a bitch doing here?"_

_There was pain, and sadness, and regret, and David had to try to catch his breath it was so powerful._

– _I'm sorry, Father. I was just so scared and mad …._

– _I know, David. However, I want to leave you with this lesson for tonight. Words wound just as drastically as weapons. Take care how you speak to others._

– _Father?_

The meld broke apart and David panted, putting a hand up to his head. "Father?" he repeated out loud.

"I am here, David."

"I'm so sorry!" David breathed, and threw his arms around Spock's shoulders. "Please don't leave again!"

"I will not leave you voluntarily, David. I would give you my word, however I do not believe it carries any weight at the moment. I will say, in your vernacular, that I swear it."


	7. An Unexpected Visitor

The doorbell rang and the three men looked to the foyer.

"You expecting anyone?" Jim asked Spock and David. They both shook their heads. Jim got up and looked through the peephole and shouted in excitement. He flung open the door. "BONES!"

"Hey, kid, came to check on ya. Last I heard you were busy making an ass of yourself. You're due for a physical anyway. Move," McCoy told his friend playfully.

"Uncle Bones!" David exclaimed happily. "Did you bring Joanna?"

McCoy shook his head. "She's in classes still, David. She gets a break after winter finals." McCoy turned and hugged Jim tightly. "I'll hold off on the grilling until after dinner. Let's sit and eat."

Jim, Spock, David, and McCoy sat down to dinner. Jim talked for a while about the substitute who had been assigned to his lectures the last time he missed work; he was a Tellerite who practically worshiped Jim and everything he had ever done. Apparently the man began the first lecture with a lecture of his own about the honor of taking instruction from James T. Kirk, the man who was the only cadet to beat the unbeatable test. Jim didn't mention the Kobayashi Maru fiasco to his classes that often; mostly out of fear that someone would hack the current program and he'd be blamed.

David began asking some pointed questions about relationships, and after a while Spock became curious.

"David, if I were to extrapolate a hypothesis from your current topic of discussion, I would think you are interested in entering a relationship with a person. Is that true?"

David blushed. "Well, what do you think about long-distance relationships?"

Spock tilted his head. "I have never engaged in such a proposition. I understand them to be quite taxing and not as satisfying as a relationship with a being in closer proximity." He saw his stepson's face color and changed tactics. "However, that is my personal preference. Beings are different and have different needs."

"Aren't you a little young to want anything serious, much less long-distance?" Jim butted in.

David began to withdraw and Spock thwacked Jim in the bond and tried to soothe the child. "Will you let us know the name of the person who has your interest?"

"Bridget," David mumbled.

Spock's eyebrows raised. "Ms. Irving? I am curious, what brought you to this decision?"

"She's been my best friend since I was five. I don't know, one day I just thought maybe I should ask her out, because I ..." he averted his eyes "... I like her a lot. She's really smart and really cool and – " The next word was too garbled to understand. Jim was going to let it slide but Spock and his curiosity leapt in.

"What was your last adjective, David?"

David looked up. "Beautiful." He looked at his dad. "Please don't be mad at me."

"What? Why would I be mad at you, slugger?"

"You don't care if I like a girl?" David asked hopefully.

Jim's brow furrowed and he put his fork down. "Why would I be mad if you like a girl?"

There wasn't an answer at first, and finally Spock sighed and put his fork down as well. "David, has your mother told you we do not wish you to be dating?"

David lowered his eyes. "Not exactly."

"Then what's wrong?" Jim insisted.

David got up and whispered in McCoy's ear for a long time while the man nodded along. Then David sat back down and McCoy took a long drink of his tea.

"Carol thinks you're going to recruit David into the secret society of homosexuals," McCoy griped finally.

Spock was baffled but Jim closed his eyes and began reciting a mantra Spock had taught him back on the ship _._ Spock heard through the bond and turned back to McCoy.

"This obviously has negative connotations, however I do not understand. What does she mean?"

David looked at his stepfather apologetically. "She thinks you're going to make me like men because _you_ like men. That's why I was afraid you'd be mad because I like a girl."

Spock closed his eyes briefly. "David, you are still too young to even comprehend the magnitude of a sexual orientation. I do not expect you to follow a trend until you are much older. As well, your current infatuation falls under the category of what humans call 'puppy love', does it not? It is harmless which gender you prefer, because nothing is permanent at this stage."

"But if it was permanent, you wouldn't care if I was normal?" David pressed.

McCoy cleared his throat. "There is no such thing as normal, David. Normal is a pipe dream they used to sell in the 1980's. You can be whatever you want, or nothing at all. As a physician, when I fill out a form and it asks me for the patient's sexual orientation, I have ten options to choose from, the tenth one being 'no answer'."

David looked at Spock and said, "Mom says you're gay."

Spock inclined his head. "In my case, excusing her vernacular – for I am certain that is not the word she used – she is correct. I am considered homosexual."

"But Dad says he isn't gay."

"Again, identification is a tricky thing," McCoy interjected.

Jim opened his eyes and grabbed his milk, sipping it quietly. Then he put the glass down and informed his son, "I told Bones to put me down as bisexual. It's what fits best. If I could put a label on it, I'd be 'curious'. And I knew that from when I was your age, so if you think you're straight already, that's great. I'm happy for you. But no, you can't date Bridget right now."

David's face fell. "Why not?"

"Because you're fourteen! You wouldn't know love if it came up and bit your – "

"James," Spock warned.

"My fourteen year old son is not dating a fifteen year old girl who's all the way across the freaking continent. No." Jim put another forkful of food in his mouth and locked eyes with his son, daring him to say something back.

"Father was engaged at seven! Grandfather told me!" David protested loudly.

The table fell silent and McCoy began clearing his dishes away. Jim glared at his husband and sent to him, _Do you want to tell him the truth about that? Or leave it as your father remembers it?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Dun dun dun! What happened with Spock's engagement that Sarek would remember differently? Will David get his way? Will McCoy be able to straighten the boys out? It all will follow. Stay tuned! More tomorrow. Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave a note on the way out! I can never tell if I'm boring you all to death...


	8. Answers Abound

Spock looked at his mate sadly, refusing to make eye contact with the younger boy. "What you have heard from your grandfather is not the entire truth. I was engaged, as you put it, for a total of fifteen Standard days. It ended rather abruptly and painfully when my _ko-kugalsu,_ my fiancee, requested a physical examination to determine my fitness as a mate. It was discovered not only was I _ek'puyik_ but I was most likely _sa-ka-ashausu."_

David lowered his eyes. "What does it mean?"

Jim, who picked up just enough Vuhlkansu to get by, answered for his husband. "He was sterile, and his orientation was probably homosexual."

"What happened then?" David breathed.

"My bond was broken, quickly but quietly, and word was passed of my sterility. The other information remained unspoken until I bonded with your father."

"So how old were you when you got into your first relationship you wanted to be in?" the boy pressed.

Spock calculated. "I was twenty six Standard years old."

"You've been married to Dad almost thirteen years, so you're … thirty nine? I thought you turned forty one this year." David counted over and over and the math wouldn't add up.

Jim was amused. "Your math isn't wrong, booger. I wasn't your father's first relationship."

This piece of information stunned the boy. "You mean you've dated another guy?" he asked Spock.

Spock shook his head. "No. I have not." He didn't answer any further just to see the child's mind work.

"If you weren't with a guy, then you were with … a _girl?!_ Who?"

Jim leaned in. "You remember Ms. Uhura, who sang at our wedding?"

"Yeah?" Silence for a beat. " _Her?_ Wow. She sang at _your_ wedding! She was okay with you two marrying? She didn't mind?"

"Ms. Uhura was the first to openly voice her suspicions about your me and your father. She has been one of our greatest supporters. We had chosen to name her an honorary aunt, but she declined, citing she would prefer the decision be left up to you." Spock placed his hand on the edge of the table and Jim reached over and covered it with his.

"But you've just been with the two of them, right?" David queried.

"Affirmative." Spock followed the boy's chain of logic and shook his head. "However, that does not mean I will condone a monogamous relationship between you and Ms. Irving simply because I myself did not have multiple relationships."

"How many people did _you_ date, Dad?"

Jim swallowed and thought back. "How many people did I _date_ or how many people did I date exclusively?"

"What's the difference?" David questioned.

"Exclusive means solely, to the exclusion of all others," replied the Vulcan.

The son's eyes got big. "You dated people at the same time?"

Jim blushed but had a slightly proud expression on his face. "I'm not saying it was right."

"All together," David decided. "How many people all together did you date?"

There was laughter, not only from Jim but from McCoy as well. Spock pressed his lips together in an attempt to look severe instead of amused.

"Thirty? Forty? I don't know, it's not like I ever kept a little black book. How's this? I was only very close with six of them."

" _Risa-guv-aitlun_ " Spock murmured under his breath, and Jim kicked his shin.

"Bastard. I am not."

"You are able to translate that word but you cannot hold a simple conversation with my father in Vuhlkansu?" Spock demanded.

"Bite me," Jim replied.

"What did he say?" McCoy asked out of curiosity.

Jim crossed his arms. "He basically called me sex addict."

"You had sex with forty people?!" This new information blew David's mind.

Jim backpedaled furiously. "No, no no no. I didn't … no. I didn't. That number is much smaller. And _that_ number, young man, is none of your business."

"Sorry, Dad." David sighed. "So how old do I have to be to date Bridget? Because I don't think I'm going to change my mind. I've been thinking about it for something like a year already. I know I like her, a lot."

Jim shook his head but Spock got up and touched his shoulder. "Jim _,_ I would have known _you_ at fourteen."

McCoy took his toothpick out and pointed at the Vulcan with it. "Spock, you're talking about a thahila connection. Of course you would have known him."

Spock placed his hands in a steeple. "Are you able to conclusively prove there is no such connection between humans?"

"Humans are psi-null!" McCoy argued. Spock gestured to Jim and held up his hand in a request for explanation. "Well … well, uh … well crap. I can't argue that. Every test they've run on Jimmy said he was completely psi-null and every test the Vulcans have run says he's in a telepathic bond with you. You win, Roger Rabbit. I give up. Jim, I can't answer his question logically. There's no proof against a psychic bond between humans."


	9. A Confession

Jim grunted. "Spock, you could settle this. Meld with David, get a feel for his emotions and his mindset, and tell us if he's just got a bad case of puppy love or if the kid's found the real deal."

"Yeah!" David insisted. He came up to his stepfather and tilted his head to give him access. "Go on, Father."

Spock pulled back. "You are aware that I will have to access your memories and thoughts. This will not be a passive receipt of information, I will be actively searching your mind."

"Does it hurt?"

"No," Jim and Spock answered at the same time. Spock still hesitated and looked at the physician. "Do you approve of me doing this to a child?"

McCoy bit his lip. "Well, you're not mind-raping him, just looking, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Then if he wants it, I approve."

"I want it," David insisted.

Spock nodded and placed his fingers on David's face and forehead. They went still and Jim watched as David's breathing slowed to match Spock's. McCoy went and got his tricorder and made surreptitious recordings of the event. David and Spock began to whisper together, and Jim stared, transfixed. A small smile grew on David's face, and an answering expression developed on Spock's. Then their breathing shifted and the hand came down.

David immediately threw his arms around his stepfather and squeezed. "I knew it. Thank you so much. I'm calling Bridget after school!" He ran out of the room.

Jim's jaw was wide open. "You're shitting me," he exclaimed.

Spock shook his head slightly. "I assure you I am not. The emotional attachment David has developed for Ms. Irving is in every way as complete and valid as the emotions between two adults in love. It is not 'puppy love', _ashayam._ Your son is in love."

Jim exhaled. "It's not a _t'hy'la_ bond though, right?"

"No, Jim. However, it mimics the ancient experiment of Pavlov and his dogs. When David thinks or speaks of Ms. Irving, multiple endorphins are released in a certain pattern similar to reactions of humans being rewarded for a task done well."

McCoy snorted. "If you haven't had the drug talk with your boy, you're apparently too late. He's hooked on a woman," he muttered.

Jim put his head in his hands. "What do I do now? Do I have to send him back to his mother so they can be together?"

"Not necessary, Jim. The child has developed this 'bond', for lack of clearer phrasing, over a distance already. I do not believe much should change, although I would monitor him to ensure he does not become over-involved with the young woman. His schoolwork must not be neglected, nor should his friends here in San Francisco." Spock stretched the hand he had performed the meld with.

McCoy gestured back in the living room. "I'll just be in yonder while y'all talk this out. I've done enough damage for now." He walked away.

Jim stood up and began clearing the table woodenly. Spock put away the leftovers silently, watching his mate and wanting to speak but fearing the reaction. He tried sending some love through the bond but it was ignored. Jim had never refused affection from Spock. Was he angry?

"Jim, if there is a topic you wish to discuss …."

Jim turned around suddenly and a wet plate slipped from his grasp. It plummeted to the floor and shattered, causing both men to jerk.

"Y'all okay in there?" McCoy called from around the corner.

"Yeah, Bones, just dropped a plate. One less to clean!" Jim joked weakly. He began picking up the pieces haphazardly and before Spock could protest there was a gasp and bright red blood began pooling in Jim's palm.

"Jim _,_ release the shards. I will clean them myself. Let me see your hand, _ashayam._ " Spock reached out with his palm up. Jim sighed and dropped the ceramic pieces and lifted the bloody appendage. Spock led Jim to the sink and began to rinse the blood to get a closer look at the wound.

"Dr. McCoy, I believe we need your assistance," Spock called over his shoulder.

McCoy walked in and took in the scene. "How bad, Spock?"

"He will need medical intervention. The largest laceration will not heal unassisted." Spock stepped aside and let McCoy come in and see the damage.

McCoy whistled. "Gotcha good, didn't it? Come with me, kiddo." McCoy went back to the living room where he had his medical bag stashed. He disinfected the cuts and ran the dermal regenerator over them. As the skin began to reform and the cuts disappeared, McCoy – who had an uncanny knack for knowing when to speak and when not to – looked at his best friend.

"Uh, something seems to have gone slightly south with you, Jim. Would you like to sit down and talk about it before we lose any more dishes or blood?"

"Not alone. I want Spock there."

Spock motioned to the kitchen. "Allow me to clean before David returns. He often does not wear footwear in the house." Spock left the room.

Jim pulled his hand back shyly and sat on the sofa. "Bones, what I have to tell you has to stay silent. You can't write it in my medical file, you can't tell anyone, and I really don't want you to make any jokes about it, okay?"

McCoy blinked. "It depends, Jimbo. I'll do the best I can to keep it out of your files. But I can promise I won't tell anyone and I won't joke. My mouth is sealed."

Jim got up and motioned for McCoy to follow him out the front door and to the aircar.

"We're going somewhere?" McCoy asked slowly. Jim entered the vehicle and waited for McCoy to do the same. Two minutes later Spock emerged and joined them.

"This is where Spock and I go when we have to talk privately. Listen, I'm still really upset about my friend dying. He was my main cheerleader for many years. I always knew I could run stuff by him and he'd tell me if I was crazy like a fox or just crazy. I never quite knew how to tell him I loved him, but I'd like to think he knew."

"What I learned tonight about David, I would have gone to my friend about. I could have told him things, like how I'm feeling kinda mortal since my little boy is growing up and falling in love and time is passing so quickly. I just turned 40 this year. And I'm scared, and he would have understood. He would have pulled out some crazy Vulcan statement that made absolutely no sense and then he would have told me a story about his life and how things turned out for him."

Jim paused, and licked his lips. "He went by the name Solion. But he wasn't from this universe. In his universe, he was the First Officer of the USS _Enterprise_ and the bondmate and husband of James T. Kirk. Bones, Solion was Spock from another dimension."

McCoy huffed out a breath. "You know, I heard rumors about a being from Nero's timeline living in ours. I figured Starfleet would have been all over that shit if it was true. So it was? You were not only married to one Spock but speaking to another one? Were the two Spocks the same?"

Spock shook his head. "There were several marked differences in Solion's timeline and ours. However, the 'meat' of them was often the same. We both served on the _Enterprise_. We both bonded with our captain. Except, he was more than 140 years older. He would only point out the similarities in the timelines once they had already occurred. He refused to reveal anything I had not already experienced. He did not wish to change the timeline unnecessarily."

"He was Jim's greatest confidant. If there were a situation in which Jim could not come to me, he would go to Solion because, of any being we knew, Solion could keep a confidence. Now that he has died, Jim is left with no one to turn to outside our marriage. He is understandably overwhelmed and frightened by this development." Spock reached over the seat and touched Jim's shoulder.

McCoy nodded. "Jimmy, how can I help?"

"Well, I wish it was like when you were the ship's counselor and I could come to you professionally and you'd keep it quiet. I could come to you and Spock didn't have to know. It didn't have to be about him, it could be about anything." Jim sighed. "Like when Starfleet started in on me about my weight fluctuating and I told you the truth about why I eat like I do."

"Jimbo, you can still do that! I didn't earn that PhD in psychology for nothing! I see four patients right now for counseling alone. I'm your physician of record, but if you need a therapist, I can do that." McCoy smiled at his friend. "And even if I wasn't a counselor, you should know you can come to me, Jim. I know we joke a lot but if you need me, man, I'm here for you. And I would never laugh if it would hurt you." The doctor sat back. "Talk to me, Jim."


	10. Confessions Part II

Jim sighed. "Okay, here's the deal. I'm scared I'm going to die, Bones."

McCoy inclined his head. "So's the rest of the general population, kiddo. That's not that unusual. Is there something in particular you're worried about right this instance?"

"Well, Solion said his Jim was 'taken too soon'. I know he's been – he _was_ – alone for a long time. What does that mean? When am I going to die? Next week? Next month?"

"I thought you said your timelines weren't exactly the same."

"They are not. Solion also confided that something changed in this timeline that made him feel significantly more at ease about Jim, did he not, _ashayam_?" Spock explained.

"Yeah." Jim smiled. "We figured it's David. Solion's Jim didn't raise his son, so we're different there. But still, I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to die any day now."

McCoy pretended to be worried. "Well, Jimmy, you'd better call Starfleet and update your will and I should get a physical in now while you're still healthy and – "

"Whatever," Jim shot back, embarrassed.

"Jim, you just lost a lifeline. You've never been a religious man, but you were experiencing the same effect by talking to this man. You could go to someone you considered a power greater than yourself and ask questions and receive a sort of guidance. And that's gone now. You're going to have to ask yourself, what are you going to replace it with?" McCoy explained gently.

Jim shivered, and Spock reached forward to touch his shoulder again. " _Ashayam,_ you do not have to decide this tonight. You have received unexpected information today and it would be understandable if you wish to merely sleep."

"Yeah. Sleep sounds good. It's been a shitty day."

As they walked in the house, Jim and Spock went in the kitchen to finish cleaning up and McCoy went upstairs to change clothes. David heard the adults return and crept down the stairs.

"Dad?"

Jim turned around and Spock carefully took the wet plate from his mate's hand before another accident could occur.

"I was wondering, do you think I could maybe … you know …." David paused painfully.

"What, slugger?" Jim dried his hands on his jeans.

"Could I move back with Mom?"

Spock felt a pang of sadness tear through the bond and he put the pan back in the water and turned to watch the conversation unfold.

Jim sidestepped to the kitchen table and sank in a chair. "You don't want to live with us anymore?"

David shrugged. "It's not that I don't want to live with you, it's just … I want to live near Bridget," he finished slowly.

"Oh." Jim nodded. "David, come sit with me." David walked to the table shyly and sat across from his father. "Listen, there's something that nobody's pointed out to you, and I hate to be the one to do it, but it needs to be said. Spock said _you're_ in love with Bridget. That doesn't guarantee how _she_ feels about _you_."

David shook his head. "No, she likes me too. She actually said it to me once, on the comm. She said the L word. I know she likes me just as much."

Jim exhaled sharply. "Still, you've got so many friends here in San Francisco. You're a junior this year. Don't you want to finish high school with your friends?"

"Jim," Spock murmured. _T'hy'la, let him make his choice. Do not force him to stay._

"You know this will break your old man's heart, right? And Spock, he won't say anything but you know it'll crush him too. Who's going to keep me company when I'm grading finals? Who's going to keep Spock's soccer skills sharp? Who's going to teach us which new band is cool and which is lame?"

"Dad," David began, "please don't make me sad about this. It's not like you can you move Bridget here," he posed hypothetically.

Jim bit his lip. He looked at his only son, the bright spot in his life, his pride and joy, and realized he was going to have to let go.

"Let me talk to your mother tomorrow," Jim relented.

"Thanks, Dad. I'm going to bed. Night." David walked out of the room and silence descended on the house.

Spock finished the dishes and put them away, mulling over his options. Then he went and knelt in front of his shell-shocked husband and took Jim's left hand in his, playing with the matching wedding band.

"Jim, you will not be alone. I will not leave you."

There was a derisive snort. "I would have believed that a week ago."

Spock wrapped his arms around Jim. "Please believe me, I am grieved I ever made that decision. I cannot apologize enough, nor can I think of how to regain your trust. All I am able to do is stand by you and assure you I will not leave, and follow those words with my actions." He tilted his head. "You are saddened that you cannot discuss this with Solion? Do not forget Dr. McCoy has agreed to stand in his place. The lights are on in the living room. I do not believe he has retired for the night," he hinted.

Jim nodded numbly and got up. "You go on to bed. I'll be up after a while."

Spock stood and turned to leave, pausing once to look back. " _Ashayam_ , please do not resort to any drastic measures again."

Jim pointed to the refrigerator. "You poured out the rest of the beer."

"Very well." Spock left, and Jim poked his head in the living room.

"Bones? You up, man?"

McCoy looked up and sighed. "Hey, kiddo, I hate to tell you this, but I heard every word. Hazards of crashing on the couch, I guess. Are you okay?"

"How would you feel if you got Joanna back from Michele and lost her again?" Jim growled.

"Jimmy, my only daughter _chose_ to live with her mother once I returned. I wasn't even given the chance. Don't lecture me about that."

Jim sighed. "You're right, Bones. I'm sorry. I just – if I thought this was the right thing to do, I'd do it. I'd send him home on the first transport – signed, sealed, and delivered to the girl. But I can't shake the feeling that something's off. I don't think it's going to work out."

McCoy shut off his padd and laid it down. "Do you want my honest reaction?"

"Yes."

"Okay, well when I got a call from this reckless, free-spirited captain friend of mine telling me he was tying the knot with a rigid, rule-worshiping taskmaster of a Vulcan, I thought, _Hey, this is the worst idea I've heard of in years!_ But I gave him my blessing. And do you know what happened to those two?"

Jim smiled weakly. "What?"

"They went on to have one of the the greatest marriages I've heard of in this day and age. Jim, I had the worst feeling about you and Spock. But you've proven me wrong time and time again. If I had gone with my gut instinct and told you to forget about it, where would we be today?"

"But Bones, I was 25! Spock was 26! We weren't some babes in the woods, we were men!"

"Bullshit!" McCoy barked suddenly. "You forget, I did both of your psych evals. I know where your heads were. You were a rebellious, ill-tempered brat and Spock was a holier-than-thou stick in the mud with serious parent issues! Neither one of you had any business in a relationship, and I thought Spock had dodged that bullet when Uhura broke it off with him. But nooooo, he just picked right up with you!"

"I had to weigh in with the brass as to what I thought of this 'blessed union' and do you know what I did, Jimmy T? I _lied._ I told them it was a great idea and that I supported it 100%. I swore if you made me eat my words I would tie you to a warp coil and give you a thousand lashes. But you didn't. You and Spock bonded, literally and figuratively, and I never had to regret my actions."

"So when you ask me whether I think a fourteen year old boy and a fifteen year old girl can have a go at it, after hearing Spock's analysis of the situation, I throw my hands up and back away, because I don't ever want to think of what would happen if I stepped in and I was wrong." McCoy folded his arms across his chest and sighed. "There, I said it."

Jim digested this monologue in silence, looking from the floor to his friend, up to the ceiling and back to the floor. Finally he opened his mouth and his eyes watered.

"I thought I'd have a few more years …."

McCoy pulled the man down on the sofa and hugged him. "Jimmy, the fat lady ain't sung yet. It's still just the first quarter."

Jim laughed softly. "You know Spock hates it when you mix your metaphors."

"Well, the hobgoblin's in bed. What he doesn't know cheers up my best friend."

There was a gusty sigh. "I guess I really have to call Carol tomorrow."

"I'll be right there for ya, kiddo. Why don't you go upstairs and get some rest? Or not," McCoy hinted. "But stop thinking about it all for a couple of hours. Go on, git," the doctor ordered, pushing the other man off the sofa.

Jim climbed the stairs and paused at David's room out of habit before going to bed. Once in bed, Spock laid his hand on Jim's hip and after several minutes there was the soft sound of sniffling. Spock rolled over and held Jim in his arms, murmuring soft reassurances and endearments.


	11. Back Up And Punt

Jim was awake at eight, which was unusual; he was normally up several hours earlier. He found a note on the bed beside him from Spock, saying he had decided to let Jim sleep in. Jim wasn't sure whether to be happy or mad. He settled for a little of both.

As usual, Spock had gotten David ready for school and stayed until the boy got on the bus before going to work. Jim had taken another day of leave. He figured he'd take care of this moving business while he was still in a good mood, and went to the comm to call Carol. However, it was being used, and Jim went downstairs to check on his friend.

McCoy was teleconferencing with his hospital. Jim started to leave and McCoy waved him back in, finishing the call and disconnecting.

"How'd you sleep?" There was no innocent friend in that question, just a concerned doctor.

"How much did Spock tell you?" Jim shot back.

McCoy shrugged. "He mentioned you cried yourself to sleep. And that you haven't done that in seven years. He's just worried, Jim. He means well."

"Don't preach to me about the road to hell," Jim replied. He gestured to the comm station. "What are you going to do today?"

"I thought I might take in the sights. Why?"

"I'd like to call Carol, if you wouldn't mind sitting in and taking Spock's role. He usually keeps me from reaching through the comm and strangling the living daylights out of my dear ex. Can you do that for me?" Jim finished.

The doctor laughed. "Not if I agree with you, but I'll try my hardest. Hippocratic Oath and all."

Jim placed the call and waited. When it was answered he smiled brightly.

"Hey, Carol, how are you?"

The blond woman looked at the screen for a split second before looking back to a padd. She had a stylus in her mouth and dry erase marker on her cheek. Her hair was wild.

"What do you want, Jim?" she began, pulling out the stylus and scribbling with it.

"Well, it's about David. Something has come up and I'd like to talk to you about the custody arrangement."

Carol paused in her work. "What do you want, Jim? Spit it out."

Jim frowned. "David has decided he'd like to come home to you. Would it be okay if he comes back at the end of this semester?"

There was a pause on the other end, and Jim watched his ex carefully. She looked down, scowling, and then shook her head.

"Jim, it's just not a good time. I'm in the middle of a really terrific project; if it succeeds it'll change the way we handle famine and overcrowding in the universe. I've just gotten ahead in my work for the lab and I'm hip-deep in writing grants and ..." She paused and blushed a light pink. "... then there's Jakob. I'm really falling hard for him, Jim, and I just can't have a kid around right now; he's not ready for it. I'm sorry, but can you understand? It's not a good time. Can't he stay with you?"

Jim swallowed his mounting anger and nodded curtly. "Sure, Carol. Not a problem. I'll tell him … something. I can see you're busy. I'll let you go," he offered.

"Thanks, Jim. Ciao." And the line went dead.

Jim's first reaction was to ball his hands up in fists so tight his nails dug into his palms. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, almost meditating his way out of the fury. Distantly, he sensed McCoy watching him silently and was grateful for the calming influence. Finally he opened his eyes and inhaled and exhaled.

"Okay. Someone's not winning Mother of the Year this year," Jim joked indistinctly.

McCoy sighed. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. That was … good grief, no matter how busy I got if my little girl wanted to come home I would have dropped everything. I don't know what to say."

Jim waved a hand. "No, Bones, it's okay, I can understand. She didn't get to have that much of a career for the first seven years she had full custody of David. She's just getting on a roll now. Plus, I've had Spock this whole time. She was alone until Jakob came along. I get it. I just don't know how to explain to a teenager that his mother's too busy for him."

"I wish I could help. Do you want me to stay here for when you tell him?" McCoy offered.

A shake of the head answered him. "No, Bonesy, I got this. Thanks anyway though. I tell you what, I'm going to go lie down again. You've got the code to the door, right?"

"Yes, sir, I do. I'll see you this evening, Jim. Good luck."

"Bye, Bones."

…

Jim woke at noon and got up slowly, still dreading the afternoon's agenda. He ran a couple of kilometers and came home and showered, then he got on the computer and surfed the Intergalactic Web for the rest of the afternoon. He was just finishing up when the front door opened.

"Dad?"

"Hey, kid, I'm in here," Jim called from the living room.

David bounced in and it was obvious there was one thing on his mind. "Didja talk to Mom?"

Jim sighed and shut off the monitor. "Um, why don't we go sit outside on the back porch steps? Like we used to, just father and son?"

"Okay," David answered warily. They went outside and sat down, and David folded his hands in his lap in a way very reminiscent of his stepfather. "What's up?"

Jim reached over and took one of his son's hands and squeezed it. "Well, I spoke to your mother this morning, and we went over the pros and cons of you moving back to Riverside. I'm sorry, kiddo, but we both think it would be best if you remained here with me and Spock."

David stiffened. "I don't believe you. I don't think you spoke to her at all."

His father exhaled sharply. "If you don't believe me, you can call your mom, if you can reach her. I was ready to let you go, son. I wasn't going to fight you on this, but your mom says she isn't able to take you at this time and wants you to stay with me."

"It's Jakob, isn't it?" the boy spoke bitterly.

"It's a lot of things. Now's just not a good time. Maybe next year, you know? And how about this: we'll take as many trips back to Riverside as we can so you can be with Bridget. How's that?"

"Whatever. I've got homework," David muttered and got up and went back in the house, leaving Jim alone on the stairs. Jim sighed and put his head in his hands.

When Spock returned home at six, Jim was sitting in the kitchen, working his way through a plate of tuna fish salad and crackers. Spock paused in the doorway, watching his mate.

"I will admit, the tuna fish is preferable to the alcohol," Spock finally spoke.

"Don't think I wasn't halfway out the door for a six pack," Jim griped. He popped another cracker in his mouth.

" _Ashayam,_ what occurred this time? Was it Dr. Marcus? Did she agree to have David return to her?"

"Not exactly," Jim began. Spock came in to the kitchen and sat down. "She says she's in the middle of a huge project and she's got this great new love and right now a kid would be a hassle and would I mind keeping him?" Jim told his husband.

Spock gave a small sigh. "How did you inform David?"

"I tried to be cool about it, and he called bullshit on me, and when I told him he could call his mother he blamed Jakob and walked off. He hasn't left his room since."

"May I speak with him?" Spock asked politely.

"Go for it. Good luck."

Spock climbed the stairs to the second floor and knocked on the door on the right. The music playing inside became softer and the door opened. David stood there, eyes cast down.

"Yeah?"

"May I enter?"

David stepped aside and Spock walked in. David had his blinds pulled shut and the lights off, and was listening to R.E.M., an old band he had discovered because of his real uncle. David hit a button on the computer and the music stopped. He stood still beside the desk.

Spock put his hands behind his back and regarded his stepson. "I would like to tell you a story, if you do not mind." David shrugged and Spock continued. "When I was nine, I was given an award for scientific studies. It was a prestigious award and there was a ceremony involved. I wanted nothing more than to have my father attend and watch me receive my medal."

"The evening of the ceremony, my mother informed me she would be transporting me to the school. I was disappointed, however I maintained the hope that my father would still be in attendance." Spock paused. "David, my father was not present. His work at the embassy took precedence. I became sullen inside over the occurrence, and a mounting resentment against my father grew in me."

Spock looked away. "My father and I ceased speaking civilly when I was eleven. After my final defiance when I was 18, we did not speak again whatsoever until the crisis with Nero forced us together. We barely spoke after that until your father and I bonded, and your father insisted we rebuild our relationship."

"I understand the frustration and pain involved when a parent disappoints you. However, I also know the futility of withdrawing from family relations simply because they do not perform as expected. Had I not been able to rescue my father, I would have been left with the rancor between us unresolved. It would not have been pleasant."

Spock turned back to the boy. "Do not let this instance be a catalyst for disharmony between you and your mother. No matter how much you believe it will accomplish your goals, I assure you it will not."

When Spock was finally silent, David laughed cynically. "You just used five hundred words to say 'Don't stop speaking to your mom'."

"Was my message received?"

"Yes, sir. I understand. At least Dad didn't abandon me for you," David sighed.

"I do not believe Dr. Marcus 'abandoned' you for Dr. Divella. I sincerely believe, were she able, she would have agreed enthusiastically to have you return. This may be a temporary situation, David. Do not hold her in such a negative light because her answer was not to your liking."

"Don't be a hater," David muttered under his breath, and when Spock raised an eyebrow David explained, "It was a really old catch phrase. Never mind."

"Very well. May I ask a personal query?" Spock began. David nodded. "Have you spoken with Ms. Irving today?"

David smiled. "Yeah. She's going to call me tomorrow after dinner."

Spock nodded thoughtfully. "Indeed. I am pleased to know your relationship is progressing smoothly. I warn you, however: should your school performance suffer, or your social life become non-existent, I will step in. Do you understand?"

"Crystal clear," David answered. "I've got calculus homework, so …." He hinted for his stepfather to leave, and Spock got the message.


	12. Danger, Jim Kirk!

Spock went in the bedroom and dialed a number on the comm. When it was answered he requested his party and waited. Finally the other man came to the line.

"Father. I wished to speak with you."

"Very well, son. How may I assist you?" Ambassador Sarek paused in his work to pay attention to the call.

"I wished to convey my continued regrets that I was not in communication with you for such a long time, and that I allowed childish frustrations to hold us separate. I am pleased we are speaking now."

Sarek tilted his head. "As am I, child. Are you well? Has something occurred to bring this to your attention again?"

Spock explained briefly about David and Bridget and David's request to move back home. Then he summarized Carol's answer and Jim's attempt to explain, which had failed horribly. He spoke of David's aggravation with his mother and how it reminded Spock of his frustration with his father.

"Indeed, however I feel both Dr. Marcus and I earned our children's displeasure. Do not spend exorbitant energy defending us; we do not deserve that honor. I appreciate the effort, however," Sarek told Spock. The screen flashed briefly and Sarek nodded. "Son, I have another call. I will be in contact tomorrow. Peace and long life," he ended, raising his hand in the _ta'al_.

"Goodbye, Father. Live long and prosper." Spock shut down the machine and looked up to find his husband standing in the doorway.

"So you've forgiven me for being a royal pain in the ass about you and your dad?" Jim asked.

"He is now your father as well. I am thankful you reunited us."

Jim motioned back to the stairs. "There's a _Star Wars_ marathon going on channel 198. Wanna watch with me?"

"Certainly, _ashayam_. I will prepare dinner and join you shortly." The two went back downstairs.

That night passed much smoother than the one before, and this time there were no tears in the dark.

* * *

 

Jim left for work the next morning, kissing Spock goodbye and in a pretty good mood. He hopped in the aircar and ran through his schedule. His Intro to Strategy class was coming up on the dreaded _do-we-or-don't-we-save-the-Romulans_ debate. That particular discussion always gave Jim a sick stomach; he remembered the dead look in Nero's eyes, and the anger in his voice, and knew if the Federation could prevent a massive disaster like the one Solion's universe experienced, it should. But he only made policy today. The cadets would be the ones to make tomorrow's decisions.

His Advanced Command Tactics class was almost done when his TA scurried in. The tall Andorian waited for Jim to finish his sentence and then, when Jim turned away, whispered in his ear. Jim nodded once and the two traded places.

Jim went to his office and answered the third line.

"James Kirk."

"Captain Kirk, this is Jess Colway, I'm your son's principal. I need you in my office right away."

Jim paused. "Is David alright?"

She _hummed_ , and then answered "He will be. I need to see you now."

"I'm in the middle of a lecture, can my husband handle it?"

She smiled. "Captain Spock is in my office now and has requested to wait for your presence."

Jim grunted and ran a hand through his hair. "Alright, give me a sec to pass on my lesson plans and I'll be right there. Kirk out," he ended out of habit and shut off the system. He scribbled a hasty note and ran it to his TA before leaving the building and jumping in his aircar.

When he got to the office, the secretary motioned him into the back room and Jim found Spock sitting on one side of the room wearing his very best _I-am-so-disappointed_ look, and David on the other with a black eye and a bloodied lip. He was holding an icepack to the side of his face.

Jim gaped at his son, then looked at his husband and said silently through the bond _Do you want to explain this clusterfuck here or at home?_

_We may be forced to face it here, ashayam. I delayed as long as I could._

"Captain Kirk, please have a seat." The small woman gestured to the seat beside Spock and got up to shut the door. "Now, I believe we need to have a discussion about your son."

"Give me a moment, please," Jim asked politely. He turned to his son. "Before I hear anything else, I want to hear it from you. Remember our deal." He had told his son when the boy was six that if he ever got in trouble, all he had to do was tell the truth and he would be punished but forgiven.

David worked his mouth for a second, and then sighed painfully. "Jeremiah Collins called me …." He paused again. "Do I have to use the words?"

"For me; I'll excuse it for you to repeat it once." Jim sat forward.

"He called me a buttfucker and said that I'd suck his cock if he asked. I told him to shut up, that I had a girlfriend, and he said he bet I did, just like my dad has one." David winced as the recitation caused his mouth to start bleeding again.

Jim trembled and Spock silently hooked his arm in front of Jim's, encouraging him to sit back again. Jim did so, but his teeth grinding was audible in the still office.

Finally Mrs. Colway broke the quietude. "Thank you, Captain Kirk. David wouldn't tell me what happened at first."

Jim was still seething and Spock took over. "Can you tell us the disposition of the two boys now?"

"David's been in here since the teachers pulled them apart – which by the way, wasn't an easy task – and Jeremiah is in the nurse's office." Mrs. Colway frowned at David and added, "David knocked out three teeth and broke Jeremiah's nose."

Spock nodded. "David, tell us truthfully: did you use any of your training?"

"No sir," David mumbled.

"Training?" the principal asked.

Spock gestured to David. "My stepson has been receiving instruction in karate since he was five."

"I just pounded his face in," David informed his stepfather bitterly.

"Well now that you've done it, do you feel any better? Has it righted any wrongs or solved any problems? Has your honor been restored?" Jim asked his son pointedly.

"No sir," David answered, returning to his sulk.

"What is the prescribed punishment for this transgression?" Spock asked menially.

"Transgression? Captain Spock, your stepson assaulted a fellow student maliciously and repeatedly, ignoring the staff's instructions to stop. We're not sure we won't turn him over to the police."

Jim got up suddenly. "Are you happy?" he asked his son. "You want to leave our care so badly, well kid, you probably got yourself a one-way ticket to juvie. God, I thought you'd be smarter than your old man. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."

"Jim," Spock responded cautiously.

"No, Spock, don't _Jim_ me. He wants to be a man, well he's a man. He doesn't need his father anymore? Well I won't stand in his way. I'll keep your room for you for when you get out." With that, Jim walked out of the office.

David stammered helplessly and fresh tears spilled down his face. Spock got up and crouched in front of the shocked child.

"David, listen to me. Listen to me." Spock waited until the had the boy's attention. "Your father spoke harshly and out of character. You remember he has been experiencing extreme amounts of stress as of late? Do not despair. I am here. I will not deny I am disappointed in your behavior, however behavior can be corrected. You are irreplaceable, David. We will deal with this the way we deal with all our issues – together as a family. Do you understand me?"

David sniffled and licked at his bleeding lip. Spock got up and retrieved a tissue for the boy before turning to the bewildered principal.

"Please forgive my mate. He has been under extreme personal stress without proper relief. When he reacts in this manner, I let him 'cool off' and he returns within ten minutes. I apologize for you having to witness that debacle." Spock unceremoniously picked up the chair from one side of the room and moved it to beside David.

Mrs. Colway shook her head as if to clear it. "He does this regularly?"

"No," Spock began.

"Yes," David whispered.

The principal came and stood in front of David, looking at him with new eyes. "Your father has threatened to abandon you before?"

David began shaking his head. "No. He just gets mad and blows up. Usually he just punches a wall and he's okay."

"Punches a wall?" the woman echoed in surprise. She turned back to the other man. "Captain Spock, I cannot believe you condone such behavior in a partner, especially with a child present."

Spock straightened and leveled a gaze at the tiny woman. "Captain Kirk does not behave this way in any semblance of a regular basis, and is most cautious about his behavior around his son. If I believed him to be mistreating David in any way, he would answer to me first, and the authorities second."

She put her hands on her hips. "Still, I can't release David to go home with you. You don't have custody."

Spock paused, stood, and turned to face the woman. At his full height, he was almost a foot and a half taller, and he had to look all the way down to make eye contact.

"I beg your pardon? David is my stepson. I am listed on the court records as being responsible for his welfare while he is in my bondmate's care."

"You're responsible, but you're not _legally_ responsible. You can't take him from us if we have to release him to a parent. Only Captain Kirk and ..." she looked at the computer screen "... Dr. Marcus are allowed to do that."

David tugged on the back of Spock's uniform jacket. "Father, why can't I go home with you?"

"Do not worry, David. We will wait for your father. He will return shortly." Spock sat back down and pressed his hands together in a steeple, his eyebrows low over his smoldering eyes.


	13. Disaster Awaits

Five minutes became fifteen, which became forty five. An hour later, Spock stood and approached the desk.

"May I use your comm?"

The woman turned the system around and sat back. Spock dialed a number and waited for an answer. Finally, a blue face appeared.

"Captain Kirk's office."

"Ismarella, this is Captain Spock. Is my bondmate present?"

The antennae moved forward, indicating frustration. "He is currently in a lecture and cannot answer personal calls. I can give you his voicemail."

Spock tilted his head at the Andorian. "Ismarella, this is a personal emergency. I need to speak with my mate now."

She blew out a breath and smoothed her white hair back. "I'm under instruction to route all personal calls to his voicemail and if it's you to tell you, and I quote, 'I'll see you if I come home tonight'. I'm sorry, Captain Spock."

Spock nodded numbly. "Very well. Thank you for your candor. Peace and long life," he spoke and he hung up.

There was a soft whistle from the stunned woman behind the desk. "Wow. Okay, so he's not coming back?"

Spock gritted his teeth for a second and swallowed. "What is the next legal step?"

She spun the chair to one side and rose smoothly. "Well, I think pressing charges at this point would be salt in the wound. However, I feel I need to have a conversation with Social Services."

Spock closed his eyes and David leapt out of the chair, injuries forgotten. "You're calling CPS on me? But I want to go home with Father!"

The petite woman swept around the desk and stood in front of the boy, who overshadowed her as well.

"David, your legal guardian has verbally indicated he has abandoned you. I know you're fond of Captain Spock – "

"Fond of?" David choked. "He's been my second father since I was four and a half! He's fought my mother for custody of me, he's been by my side every day for most of my life, and I love him! You can't just say he can't care for me because he's not related by blood!"

"If there were another way," she sighed suggestively, and Spock turned around slowly.

"How would I apply for custody of a minor child not related to me?" Spock asked as clearly as possible.

"Ah, now we're on the same wavelength," the principal purred. She sat down and went over what little she knew of custody laws, and then made a call to the school attorney. Thirty minutes later a small heavyset bald man teetered in the office. He put his briefcase on the desk and pulled out two padds, turning them both on.

"Captain – " he took a breath and made an attempt as pronouncing Spock's full name " – Spock, I have paperwork applying for custody of the minor child David Gregory Marcus. If it is uncontested by both parents, you will be granted custodial rights in approximately forty-eight hours. You're certain this is what you want?"

Spock paused. "Will it remove custodial rights from either parent?"

"No," the man assured Spock. "It will simply add you to the list of custody holders."

Spock took a deep breath and held his hand out for the first padd. He signed in his fluid handwriting and handed it back, signing the second one the same way. The man checked the documents and forwarded them to the San Francisco Municipal Court. Then he nodded curtly and walked out of the room.

"So I can go home now, right?" David asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid not. It'll take a couple of days to go through, and that's assuming both parents agree to it. We're still going to have to call Social Services." She looked down for a moment, and then looked up and dialed the number.

Spock sat beside David again, and murmured statements of reassurance and praise to the frightened boy. An hour later a man and woman knocked on the office door and stepped in. They introduced themselves and took the principal's statement.

"May I make a statement as well?" Spock requested.

"And who are you?" the man demanded.

"He's my other father," David spoke up.

"We're not taking statements from third parties at this time."

Spock frowned. "Will David be allowed to contact me during his absence?"

"Not at home. He can't have contact with the accused. Do you have an office number?" the woman explained.

David looked up at Spock. "I know it, Father. I'll call you at lunch."

"I will anticipate your contact," Spock replied.

They gathered David's books and led him out of the office. The last thing Spock saw was David holding up the ta'al as he got in the SUV.


	14. Awkwardness

 

Jim walked in the door and headed up the stairs. He wasn't interested in eating, even though he was starving. He just wanted to sleep for a week straight. He paused and knocked at David's door. When there was no answer he peeked in, seeing the room empty. Jim shrugged and went in to the master bedroom, stripping out of his uniform and hanging it up. He took a long hot shower and redressed in his favorite jeans and a tank top.

He tromped down the stairs, sliding into the living room expecting to see his husband, but the room was vacant as well. Jim frowned and reached into the bond to find his mate, but it was blocked. Now Jim was getting frustrated. He went for the one place Spock was likely to be if he were pissed – the back porch.

Spock was out there as predicted, sitting in the lotus position with his hands still in his lap. But he wasn't meditating. He was just sitting there, staring out into the fading light.

Jim climbed down beside him. "Hey. Where's David?"

Spock inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly, turning a caustic look to his partner. "Your son was placed in the custody of Social Services."

"For a fistfight?" Jim exclaimed. "Isn't that harsh?"

Spock raised a hand slowly and for a second Jim wasn't sure if he meant to caress him or strike him. "No, James. He was abandoned by the primary custody holder. Since I did not have custody, I was not eligible to escort him home. That is an oversight I am endeavoring to correct." The hand came down.

"They wouldn't let him come home with you? That's bullshit!" Jim climbed up. "I would have come back if I'd known that!"

"I attempted to reach you. You had instructed your teaching assistant to rebuff my calls. It was out of my hands after that."

Jim paced back and forth. "Now what?"

"Now I will correct my wrong of not obtaining custody of the child when he was younger, and I will bring him home, if I am allowed to with your presence. Once the young man is safe and secure again, I will complete my desire to involve us in counseling. Either you will attend these sessions, or you will find another domicile."

Jim bristled. "You're putting us in couple's therapy?"

"Indeed. I believe the phrase is 'take it or leave it'." Spock unfolded himself and walked in the house. Jim followed sullenly and they both prepared for bed. One slept on one side of the bed, and one slept on the other. There was no touching. Although the ambient temperature was in the 80's, the bedroom felt frigid.

* * *

 

Spock was finishing his salad when his comm rang. He wiped his mouth and answered.

"Hey, Father. I've got about three minutes before I have to go back to class. Mrs. Colway let me use her comm. Are you okay? Did Dad come home last night?"

"He did. We are both well, although we are concerned about you."

David hesitated. "I'm not supposed to talk about where I am or who I'm with. But I'm safe. I don't like it, but I'm safe. I can't call Bridget. Will you please call her for me this evening and let her know I'll be gone for a while? I don't want her to worry."

"I will do so," Spock assured his stepson. "Is there anything else I can do for you while you are away?"

"Will you get Dad to calm down? I'm scared he's going to do something stupid again."

Spock shook his head. "I will not allow him to do anything 'stupid'. There are going to be changes made in our household, David. I will not allow this to occur again."

David looked into the camera. "I believe you. Look, I've got to go. I love you, Father. I'll be home soon."

"I care for you as well, David. I await your return. Peace and long life."

The line went dead and Spock looked at what was left of his salad and moved the bowl aside. He had lost his appetite.

…

Late that evening, there was a meeting called in the Spock-Kirk household.

Spock sat in one chair, stiff and formal, while Jim sat in another, slouched. McCoy sat in a third between the others, looking back and forth.

"Okay, this is how this works. While one of you is speaking, the other listens. No cross-talk. I mean in the bond as well, you two. I will tolerate expressions of frustration but I won't have either of you bashing the other. Normally I end these sessions with a handshake, but considering the personal nature of that contact, I'll skip that. Are you ready?" McCoy finished.

"Yes, doctor."

"Whatever."

McCoy turned to Jim. "That is an unacceptable answer. Yes or no, Jim?"

"Yes, _sir_."

"Now, I want to start with grievances. Spock, since you asked for these sessions, we'll start with you."

Spock looked over at his husband. "I am frustrated with correcting the wrongs of my mate after he has lashed out in anger. Perhaps I was too indulgent in the beginning of our marriage, however the destruction has touched our child as well now."

McCoy leaned forward and held up a finger. "I know this is going to be foreign to you, Spock, but can you tell us how Jim's behavior makes you feel?"

"Feel." Spock frowned. "It makes me feel angry. It makes me feel helpless. It makes me ashamed, and alarmed, and generally unhappy. It makes me question why I remained, and now, why I returned."

"You _returned_ because you knew damn well you had nowhere else to go," Jim growled and McCoy hissed at him.

"Jim, quiet. Not your turn."

"I feel unappreciated, and unwelcome, and unsafe." Spock finished and looked at McCoy. "That is how it makes me feel, doctor. Was that specific enough for you?"

"Very good, Spock. I know that was uncomfortable and I appreciate your participation. Now Jim, it's your turn."


	15. Return Fire

Jim sat up and crossed his arms. "I'm tired of being judged by Spock. I'm sick of him always being right and me always being wrong."

"How does it make you feel, Jim?"

"It makes me feel like I'm three, and it makes me feel like I can't do anything right. It makes me feel like all I do is screw up, and that Spock regrets ever marrying me. We all know he could do better, I just thought he was happy with me. But there I go, fucking up again."

"Good, Jim, thank you. Now let's deal with some of these head on. Today, let's work on one word Spock used that concerns me. Spock, you said Jim's behavior makes you feel 'unsafe'. Can you elaborate?"

Spock nodded. "Jim is often violent with inanimate objects, however I have never overcome the sensation that one day he will strike out at me. As he scolded David yesterday, I actually became concerned he would strike the child. I do not believe I was alone in that fear."

Jim paled. "David thought I was going to hit him?"

"Not your turn, Jim, wait please. Spock, what could Jim do to reassure you he won't hit you?"

The Vulcan paused. "I would prefer if Jim would cease becoming physically aggressive altogether; if that is not possible then I would appreciate him channeling his violence into a more appropriate form, such as exercise."

McCoy nodded and turned to the other man. "Jim, what do you hear Spock saying?"

Jim stared at his friend. "You realize this really is a bunch of hippie crap about 'reach out and touch someone' and 'feelings are good', right?"

"Your displeasure is noted, Jim. Please answer the question. What do you hear your husband saying?"

Jim scowled. "He thinks I'm going to hit him. I'd never do that. Unless he hit me first. But I wouldn't beat him or something."

"What else did he say?"

"He wants me to go running every time I get pissed at someone. God, Bones, if I did that I'd be running the Boston Marathon every other week!"

"Okay, stop there Jim. Think about what you just said. What does that tell you?"

"That I don't want to run all day every day?"

"Why would you be running 'all day every day'?" McCoy insisted.

"Because – " Jim stopped abruptly. Then he blushed. "Because I get pissed that often," he whispered.

"How does that make you feel, to see that in you, Jim?"

Jim's mouth opened and shut. "I don't know. I never really thought about it. But I guess I am an angry kinda guy. I don't even know what sets me off anymore."

"What do you want to say about your anger, Jim?" the doctor began.

"I don't know. I don't know why I'm so angry, but it was never at you, Spock. Well, even if it was, it never lasted that long. I think I've just been angry for so long that that's my default. I don't even know if I can stop now."

"Spock, what do you hear your husband saying?"

Spock swallowed. "I believe he is telling me he is angry for no particular reason. He expressed that his frustration was not purposely directed at me. He told us he does not know if he can stop being angry."

"And how does that make you feel, Spock?" McCoy turned to the Vulcan.

Spock looked at the doctor, and then looked at Jim. He waited for those beautiful cerulean eyes to meet his dark ones and then he whispered, "I feel sad."

Jim reached out across the table and Spock took his hand automatically.

"Spock, you remember your favorite Linkin Park song? Do you remember the lyrics? _Forgetting all the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well; Pretending someone else can come and save me from myself; I can't be who you are._ I don't know if I can be calm and cool like you are, Spock. I wish I could though. I would do anything to not make you sad anymore." Jim blinked rapidly, holding back tears.

" _Ashayam,_ I have faith in you. I believe if you place yourself in the right mindset, you can accomplish anything. You are the cadet who beat the unbeatable scenario. You are the captain who destroyed Nero and saved the Federation. You are the instructor who saved another's life when she went into cardiac arrest. Jim, you are capable of so much. You are capable of ending this reign of anger as well."

Jim blushed and looked down, spilling a stray tear. "You always did have more faith in me than anyone else," he admitted.

"Okay, where do we want to end this tonight?" McCoy finally spoke. "Spock, what is the last thing you want to say to Jim in this safe environment?"

"I want Jim to know I will always forgive him, because I care for him."

Jim smiled weakly, and McCoy nodded. "Jim, what do you want to say to Spock now?"

"If you say I can do it, then I can. If it means I have to run the fucking Boston Marathon _twice a day_ , I'll do it. I love you, and I'm so sorry it's come down to this."

McCoy smiled. "That's a great start, guys. We'll pick up tomorrow night. Go do something that will make you feel good, whether that's together or apart, but if you feel like you're going to fight, be the bigger man and walk away. Doctor's orders."

"Aye aye, sir," Jim joked.

"Understood, doctor," Spock added.

Jim got up and headed for the living room. Spock followed, only to walk through the room and out to the back porch. He sat down and tucked his legs under him and looked up into the sky. From the position of the house and the season of the year, he should have been able to see the star 40 Eridani. He searched the heavens until he found it. Then he imagined the second planet, known as Vulcan many years ago, once again circling that star, and remembered when life was so much simpler. He longed for old Vulcan, for his mother's brief embrace, for her wisdom, and her compassion.

After twenty minutes, the door opened and closed behind Spock. He didn't have to look to know who it was; the doctor didn't know to find him out here. Spock reached up in a Vulcan kiss and felt two fingers touch his.

"I kinda overheard some of your thoughts. Are you okay?"

Spock looked forward and nodded. "I was thinking of my mother, and what she would say to this."

There was a bitter laugh from Jim. "From what I've heard about Momma, she'da had my hide drying on her wall for what I've done."

"Perhaps not. She would be just as displeased with me for allowing the situation to reach this pinnacle. I should have intervened sooner."

"Do you believe in 'better late than never'?" Jim posed.

"If I were to place my faith in overused sayings, that would be appropriate at this time, yes."

Jim knelt behind his husband and placed a hand on his back. "I was going to bed and I was thinking, maybe you could join me?"

Spock nodded. "I will. Thank you for asking." They got up and faced each other. Spock felt Jim getting closer and closed his eyes before Jim's lips touched his. When it was over, Jim walked in the house. Spock followed, and both said goodnight to the doctor.

There was progress that night. A cool, gentle hand slid across the bed and found a warm hipbone. The gesture was not refused. Night continued peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: See? There's hope. The boys are trying so hard. I'm cheering them on; are you? We'll pick this up tomorrow. Hope your sleep is as peaceful as theirs.


	16. Progress Is Made

Jim was working in his office when someone rang his door signal. He looked up and focused on the door.

"Enter."

The tall figured moved in silently and the door slid shut behind him. No one spoke for a while, then …

"I wished to be informed of your condition today. Last night was … stressful … for all involved." Spock remained by the door, just outside of sensor range.

Jim moved his glasses to the top of his head automatically and waved Spock forward to a chair. "Yeah, it was. But to use Bones' words, I think we made some progress. I know I've had a lot to think about today. I, uh, did something that I'm hoping is going to help," he told his mate. Spock raised his eyebrows. "I signed up for an anger management course here at the academy. It's supposed to be for the cadets but I asked and they said there's no reason an instructor can't participate as well. They're actually kind of excited; they think me doing it will make more cadets do it."

Spock felt a small surge of hope. "Fascinating. When does this program begin?"

"Tomorrow afternoon is my first class. Ismarella has agreed to take my class load in the late afternoon so I can attend."

"This is most remarkable, _t'hy'la_. I am very encouraged." Spock gave that half-smile that thrilled Jim so much to see. Then the comm sounded and Jim held up a finger.

"Kirk," he answered

"Captain Kirk, my name is Yolanda Simmons. I'm a legal representative in the San Francisco Municipal Court. May I speak with you?"

Jim stiffened. "Sure." _Stay, Spock,_ Jim sent. _I may need help after this._

"There is a third party applying for custodial title to your son. The person's name is – "

"Captain Spock," Jim finished for her. "I'm aware of the application."

"Do you want to block the application?"

Jim smiled softly. "No. I'll sign off on it. I'm good with it."

The woman nodded. "The paperwork has been forwarded to your email address. Sign electronically and return the forms as soon as possible. Thank you, Captain Kirk."

"One second," Jim requested suddenly. "Have you contacted Carol Marcus yet?"

"We're not allowed to give out that information, Captain, I'm sorry. I'll await those forms." She said goodbye and the line was free once more.

Jim sighed and reached up to bring his glasses back down. "Sorry, Spock. I tried to find out for you."

Spock tilted his head. "You were asking on my behalf?" He paused. "I am honored."

Jim picked up his padd and accessed the forms. Grabbing his stylus, he took a second to look at his mate. "I'm sorry we didn't do this seven years ago." He scribbled his signature hastily and tapped the button to send the form back.

"I should return. I am in the middle of office hours. I merely wished to assure myself of your welfare. Will you return to retrieve me this evening?" Spock asked, standing.

"Of course, _t'hy'la_. I'll see you at five thirty."

…

Jim picked Spock up and they drove home in silence. When they arrived at the house, Jim got out and shut the door to the car and then leaned against it. Spock paused at the front door.

"Are you well, Jim?"

"Yeah," Jim answered. "It's just weird, David not being here. It's like something's off and I can't put my finger on it, and then I remember and it hurts all over again."

They went in the house and Jim went in the living room, stripping off his uniform. McCoy frowned at him.

"Kid, can't you get naked in your own room?"

"Bo-o-ones," Jim whined. "I just want to watch some basketball in my boxers. Please?"

McCoy chuckled. "Alright. I'm just givin' ya a hard time. It's _your_ house." He locked the computer and came over to the sofa, plopping down beside his friend. "So, friend to friend, how did today go?"

Jim shrugged. "Hard. But I have some news my therapist is gonna _love_."

"Okay, so now I'm your therapist. What is it I'm going to love, Jim?"

Jim told McCoy about the anger management courses and McCoy was thrilled. McCoy gave Jim a bare-bones look at what he'd be doing and then held his hand out to shake Jim's hand.

"I'm proud of you, Jimmy. Real proud."

After supper there was another therapy session. Jim's attitude was much improved, and was appreciated by both doctor and spouse. There seemed to be progress being made, and Spock was relieved. Afterward, Jim went upstairs and disappeared for a while. Spock became curious and walked upstairs as well, finding his mate in his son's room.

Jim was standing in the middle of the room, looking around. He had the stuffed elephant Bridget had given David clutched to his chest.

"I really, really fucked up this time," Jim whispered.

Spock put a hand on his shoulder. "Affirmative. However, the situation is not beyond repair. I _am_ still speaking to James Tiberius Kirk, who does not believe in no-win scenarios, correct?"

Jim nodded. "But I can't reprogram this. I can't hack this test. I've just got to live it. And once again, I find myself wishing Solion could help me out."

"That will not cease abruptly, _ashayam_. That desire will be with you for a long time. I, too, find myself desiring an audience with the elder. I am hopeful that my alternative will bring me as much satisfaction."

Jim turned around. "Alternative? What alternative?"

Spock looked down. "I have attempted to rededicate myself to the study of _tu-Surak_. It has the possibility of providing me some small amount of comfort during difficult times."

"Oh. Uh, that's great, Spock. How's that going for you?"

"It is promising. The process is still very early in its beginning." Spock turned to walk out and waited for a moment. "Jim, I am grieved that you must endure this. Remember you are not alone."

When Spock was gone, Jim looked around one last time and then got down on his knees. He looked skyward and began to whisper.

"Okay, You and I have never really been on speaking terms, and maybe that's my fault. I never was told a name for You, or how to contact You, or even what You wanted from me. I remember asking Someone to watch over Spock when he got meningitis, and I guess You must have done it because he's still here."

Jim paused. "Does that count? Do You watch after crazy humans and stubborn Vulcans too? Do You watch over everyone equally? Can You be my God and his God too?" Jim sat back on his heels. "Well, I don't expect You to come down and materialize on my front porch, so we're going to have to have an understanding of our own. I'm going to call You … You. And I'll talk to You when I remember to, but it may take me a while to get in a habit of it. I'm not expecting anything from You. I'm just going to talk to You and see if it makes me feel better, okay? Okay. Thank You."

Jim got up and sighed. He placed Tuttle, the stuffed elephant, back on David's bed and turned to walk out. Once he was in his bedroom, Jim started preparing for bed. The comm station chimed and Jim went to answer it so it wouldn't disturb McCoy.

"Dad?" David was whispering in the dark.

"Son, are you okay? I thought you couldn't contact me!"

"I can't. Well, I'm not supposed to. I just wanted to say I love you and I want to come home. I miss you and Daddy Two." David hadn't used Spock's nickname for a long time, and it made Jim's heart hurt. There was a noise and David gasped. "Gotta go. Bye." The connection ended suddenly.

Jim sat back, numb, and then shot a look to the heavens. "Thank You." He got in bed and curled up in a ball. He was almost asleep when he felt a cool, powerful arm wrap around his waist. Jim held still, not knowing what to do. The arm tightened slowly, and Jim scooted backward until he was pressed against Spock's body.

"Is this acceptable?" Spock murmured.

"Yeah. I needed this," Jim replied softly.

Spock tilted his head and kissed Jim's neck, and began making a path down Jim's spine, across his shoulder blades, and down his back. Then Spock straightened and carefully bit Jim's earlobe.

"Are you … do you want to ….?" Jim barely dared to hope.

"Yes, _t'hy'la_ , I do."

Jim turned over. "Come here," he whispered.

If there were tears that night, they were tears of joy.


	17. A Small Start In The Right Direction

Spock was in class when his TA walked in. He waited patiently until Spock acknowledged him, and then handed him a padd with a note on it. Spock read it quickly and nodded, gesturing to the podium. The two traded places and Spock walked to his office.

"This is Captain Spock."

"Captain, my name is Jaime McDonald. I'm your charge's contact at Social Services. Have I reached you at a bad time?"

"Negative. I am available."

"Well, your custody suit was approved and we're planning on when we can send Mr. Marcus home. Were you aware that the secondary custody holder was under the impression her rights were being terminated?"

"Negative. I have not had contact with Dr. Marcus recently."

"Well, she doesn't really want anything to do with the child, which is heartbreaking. On the other hand, we've been monitoring Captain Kirk and we understand him to be receiving therapy and attending anger management classes. Is this voluntary?"

"Affirmative." Spock realized this was probably a good sign.

"Excellent. We need to speak with his therapist, do you have his or her name and number?"

Spock paused. "Captain Kirk is seeing Dr. Leonard McCoy as a therapist. The doctor is currently residing at our domicile but is employed at an Atlanta hospital."

"Oh. He's staying with you? Well, that's got to be convenient. When is the best time to call him?"

"After five in the evening at our place of residence." Spock took in a breath. "When will the decision be made regarding Mr. Marcus?"

"By this evening. We'll be in contact. Congratulations, Captain Spock. Have a nice day."

"Peace and long life," Spock responded, and when the line was cleared he gave a small smile. He was now officially a custody holder. He would never have to worry about losing David again because he was not recognized in the boy's life. He was about to make a call when the door chimed. He stood and called, "Enter."

David slipped in and dropped his messenger bag, running up to hug Spock.

"Father! You weren't in class!"

Spock looked at the door again. "Are you not being supervised? Where are your guardians? How did you arrive here?"

"I took the bus," David said proudly. "I just walked away from the school after last class and caught the metro line and asked the drivers for help until I got here. It wasn't that hard, just two transfers."

"You are aware that the court has not made a ruling as to whether your father may retain custody of you. I was only recently informed of my new status as a custody holder."

"You're got custody of me? Awesome! So I can go home, right?"

Spock motioned for the boy to sit and took his seat behind his desk. "David, your father is under investigation for attempting to abandon you. I cannot return you to your domicile until the court approves that action. I apologize for the misunderstanding."

The comm rang and Spock answered it.

"Captain Spock, have you had contact with your stepson recently?" It was the Social Services worker, and she was furious.

"Mr. Marcus is in my office at this time."

The woman spoke into a comm link bracelet and looked back up. "You understood he was to have no contact with you or your husband until we made our ruling?"

David stood up and walked around the desk. "I came on my own. He didn't do anything. My dad is in some class of some sort somewhere so I found my father. You can't make me go back to that place. I'll run away every time."

"David, threats are illogical. Cease, please." Spock looked at the screen. "Do you wish to resume custody at my office? I will stay until your agents arrive."

Just then there was a noise at the door and someone spoke.

"They're already there, Captain Spock, if you would be so kind as to open the door?"

Spock pressed the button and the door slid open. David ducked behind his stepfather and Spock craned his neck around to look at the boy.

"Step away from Captain Spock, David," a man said.

"Go to … a really bad place," David shot back awkwardly.

"David," Spock chided. He turned around and tried to guide the child forward. "You cannot hide behind me for the rest of this ordeal. You must return to your guardians."

David bobbed and weaved. "I'm not going back, Father. You'll have to put me to sleep to make me."

Spock sighed and stood still with his hands behind his back. "I will not fight you, David, because you are going to walk out of this office as a man and accept the legal decision of the court."

David stopped and looked up at his stepfather. "Do I really have to?"

"Yes, David, you do. There is a possibility you will return home tonight. Do not despair."

"Hang on," the woman spoke on the comm. She spoke with someone off-screen, then turned back. "Captain Spock, are you able to take custody at this time?"

Spock turned around. "I am. Would you be opposed to David observing my classes for the remainder of the evening?"

"Is that alright with you, David?"

David nodded. "I like watching Father teach."

"Well rather than fight a child old enough to get himself across the city alone, we'll just turn custody over to you. If there is another occurrence, we'll remove the child and take you to court. Do we understand each other, Captain Spock?"

"Affirmative. Live long and prosper," Spock told her, and shut off the system. He looked at the two men in his office. "I believe your duty here has been dismissed." They turned and left and David grabbed Spock again. Spock carefully extracted himself. "David, I must return to class. Are you prepared to join me?"

"Yes, sir," David answered. The two went to the classroom.


	18. Setback Number One

Spock and David waited outside the auditorium quietly. Finally, there was the sound of people speaking and the doors opened as cadets in red uniforms poured out. Jim was the sole figure in charcoal, but he held his head high. The mediator spoke to Jim and Jim grinned at the man. They shook hands and Jim walked out to meet Spock; when he saw David, he stopped suddenly.

"Hey Dad," David began shyly.

Jim's eyes were wide and his mouth was quivering. He took in a shaky breath and asked, "Is this just a visit?"

"No, Captain Kirk. Mr. Marcus is returning to our domicile." Spock watched his mate come to grips with this unexpected good news.

"Do you _want_ me to come back?" David asked.

"Oh, son, I want you back _so_ bad. I'm sorry I overreacted and I'm going to do better in the future, I swear. I'm so sorry, David. Please forgive me."

"It's okay," David answered. "I'm sorry I got in a fistfight. I just got so mad at what he said!" David exclaimed. The three walked down the hallway.

"Well, we could both take a hint from your father over here," Jim told the boy. "He gets mad all the time, but he doesn't hit anyone or blow up at them, he just breathes real slowly and walks away if it gets too bad."

"Oh," David sighed. Then he looked back at his father. "Why are you taking a class with cadets?"

Jim shrugged. "It's a special class for people who get mad too easily. It's going to teach us to handle our tempers better."

"Cool. They sent _me_ to ISS," David told his father.

"What's ISS?"

"In school suspension," Spock answered. "It is a viable alternative to fully suspending a child and causing him to fall behind in schoolwork. It was developed in the twentieth century but only revived approximately sixty years ago."

"Brandon Holoway came up to me today and said he wished he had been there when I beat the snot out of Jeremiah. I told him fighting was stupid and that I wished I had just walked away, and he called me a pansy and I said 'whatever' and went back to my homework." David waited for his parents' reaction.

Spock nodded. "An appropriate answer, David. I approve."

"Way to go, slugger. See? We're getting better already." Jim wrapped his arm around his son.

That evening, Spock fixed vegetarian pizza and Jim and David had chocolate milk at dinner. David went up to his room afterward and Jim, Spock, and McCoy sat around the kitchen table again.

"Okay, Jim, let's start with you. Did you have any successes today?" McCoy began.

Jim nodded. "I closed my eyes and did deep breathing when one of my cadets kept trying to prove a point in class and I couldn't shut him up. And then I went to my first anger management class. It wasn't that bad. I learned a lot about anger and what it hides."

"Let's talk about that, Jim. What is your anger hiding?"

"Fear." Jim looked at his partner. "I spent the majority of my childhood afraid. I was afraid my mom was never coming back, I was afraid of my stepfather so bad it wasn't funny, and I was afraid they would come get me and split me and my brother up. I was so scared I used to throw up at night.

"I got thrown into being Captain Kirk so suddenly, I didn't have time to learn what I was supposed to do. Everyone seems to think I'm this mature person, but really I'm just an overgrown kid. I'm afraid I'll disappoint the admiralty, especially Chris. I'm afraid I'll disappoint Spock. Worse yet, I'm terrified I'm going to get somebody killed. All that's happened is I've gone from being a scared kid to being a scared man and I never told anyone because I didn't think anyone would listen."

" _Ashayam,_ " Spock breathed. "I can fathom why you would refuse to inform strangers of these feelings. However, why could you not come to me? Have you been blocking this in the bond the whole time?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm probably better at manipulating the bond than you think, Spock. There's a lot of things I don't show you. You already spend the majority of your time and effort in this relationship trying to fix me. If you really knew how broken I was I was afraid you'd bolt. When you left the other night, it was like my worst nightmare coming true."

"Jim, I want you to release whatever shields you have constructed in the bond and allow me full access."

Jim stiffened. "No, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Doctor, please assure James I will not harm him or leave him if he does as I ask." Spock stared down his mate, who refused to make eye contact.

McCoy looked at Jim steadily. "Jim, I won't let him leave, and I'll do everything in my power to protect you otherwise. What can it hurt? Try letting go for once. We're right here with you."

Jim withdrew for a moment, and there was silence in the house. Then, Spock began to feel a trickle of emotion that wasn't his entering his mind. It grew bigger, and bigger, and Spock thought certainly this was everything Jim was feeling. But it continued to grow. Spock wasn't sure when it finally stopped, but the sheer magnitude of the emotional turmoil knocked his breath out of him. Spock gasped and put a hand to his head.

Immediately, shields were bolted back in place and the agony ceased, leaving an angry echo in Spock's mind. Spock looked up, eyes watering, and opened his mouth but only breath came out. McCoy took Spock's right wrist and hunted down his pulse point. Jim got up and walked out of the room.

"Talk to me, Spock. Can you tell me your name? Spock, are you with me?" McCoy spoke quietly and quickly.

" _Pain_ ," Spock whispered.

"Are you in pain, Spock?" McCoy cursed the fact that his tricorder was in the next room. He was torn between treating the shell-shocked Vulcan and the hurting human. Finally, he had gotten Spock's pulse, which was slow at 200 but close enough for safety. McCoy squeezed Spock's hand and got up, hunting down the other party.

Jim was sitting in the living room with headphones on, blaring music. McCoy winced when it occurred to him how loud it had to be in order for it to be audible to _him_. He tapped Jim's shoulder and waited for two whole minutes until Jim finished the song and pulled off the headset.

"Is he okay?" was Jim's first question.

McCoy crouched down beside his friend. "Jim, what the hell just happened? I've never seen Spock respond like that in the fifteen plus years I've been treating him. Are you alright? He said 'pain'; are you in pain Jim?"

Jim looked at the desk angrily. "I told him it wasn't a good idea. Solion taught me how to block that so I wouldn't overwhelm Spock. He can't handle his emotions and my emotions at the same time. It would have killed him. This is why I didn't tell him."

McCoy grunted. "Are you alright right now? Can I leave you alone for two minutes and you won't do anything stupid?"

"I won't do anything stupid period. Go on, go check on Spock. Make sure he's alright."

McCoy stood up slowly and made his way back to the kitchen. Spock was sitting in a most uncharacteristic position, with his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. At the sound of McCoy's footsteps, he looked over.

"Is Jim well?"

McCoy blew a breath out. "You two are more worried about each other than you are about yourselves. Yes, Jim's alright, as far as I can tell. He's pissed that he agreed to let you in or him go in or whatever it is you just did. He's worried about you. So let's start with you. Are you okay, Spock?"

"I am functional." Spock closed his eyes. "I have a rather notable headache and I believe I may vomit within the next two minutes."

McCoy took Spock's arm and got him to his feet, and then led him up the stairs and to his bedroom. He went past the bed and straight for the bathroom and put the lid down on the toilet and sat the Vulcan down.

"You sit here and if you're going to ralph you'll be somewhere safe. I'll be right back."

McCoy scurried down the stairs and went back to the living room where he'd left his other patient. Jim had his eyes closed and was listening to some horrific noise passing as music. McCoy tapped his shoulder and waited for the racket to stop before Jim opened his eyes and took off the headphones.

"Come with me, Prince Charming." McCoy led Jim back up the stairs and into the bedroom, choosing to lead him to the bed and have him lie down. "Now, you stay here – "

"Can't stay here," Jim mumbled.

"Why not?"

"It's Spock's side of the bed." Jim rolled over twice to the other side. "Okay, _now_ I'll stay put."

There was a strange sound and it took McCoy a full thirty seconds to realize the Vulcan was getting sick. He went and stood in the doorway, watching for safety's sake. After a while, Spock rested his head on the seat of the toilet and McCoy grabbed some toilet paper and handed it to him.

"Forgive me, doctor. I was certain it was past."

"It's okay, Fairy King. You were in the right place to do it. Do you think you're done?" McCoy requested, hovering nearby.

"Affirmative. Excuse me," Spock spoke and got up, disposing of the evidence of his turmoil and taking out his toothbrush. He brushed his teeth carefully and rinsed his mouth before stepping into the bedroom. Upon seeing Jim, he went forward quickly and sat on the bed, holding Jim's limp hand.

" _Ashayam,_ are you well?"

"I'm fine, hon, are you okay?"

"I am adequate. Please inform me, Jim, why did you not allow me to know the magnitude of your agony? How did you know to block it for so long?" Suddenly Spock's face darkened. "Solion. He taught you to keep secrets from me."

Jim snapped his blue eyes toward his husband and hissed, "Don't you dare blame him for this."

McCoy's trained ears heard the storm warnings in Jim's voice and he took up a position at the foot of the bed.

"Were you able to express this turmoil to _Solion?_ Did you confide in _him_ instead of me when you needed comfort?"

McCoy took in a breath. If Jim had given off storm warnings, Spock was sounding tornado sirens and the F-5 was right outside.

"Guys, I want you both to take a breath and – "

"Well I couldn't kill _Solion_ with my emotions, could I? Who else was I supposed to go to?"

"Guys," McCoy tried again.

"You could not have caused _my_ demise with your emotions either! I am your bondmate, I am the one you should turn to when you have needs. Barring that, you should have contacted Dr. McCoy!"

McCoy took a deep breath, put his fingers in his mouth, and let loose a piercing whistle. He brought his hands down and looked at the stunned men.


	19. Peachiness, Or The Art Of Being Crazy

After half a minute there was a knock at the door, and Spock lay down in defeat just as Jim sat up fully and called for the person to enter.

David came in. "Uh, you all okay in here? I had my earbuds in but I thought I heard someone whistle. It had to have been Father. He's the only one who can whistle that loud." David noticed his stepfather laying on the bed and frowned. "Father? Are you okay?"

"Peachy, David."

Three sets of eyes focused in shock on the prone Vulcan.

" _Peachy_ , Spock? Where did you get that?"

David frowned. "Does Father have a contact buzz again?"

"What's a contact buzz?" McCoy questioned in a bewildered manner.

"The only thing that can make Father act human is when he's been in contact with too many minds at once and he gets what Dad calls a contact buzz. He'll say the first thing that comes across his mind. It's really cool," David explained proudly.

McCoy turned and looked at the man sprawled on the bed. "How many minds _have_ you been in contact with today?"

"I was in contact with Jim, who was thinking of and remembering twenty one different people. Solion included." Spock gritted his teeth. "Were you in love with him?"

McCoy spun around to the teen in the room. "Kid, go play on your computer or something."

"Are they going to fight?"

McCoy physically began herding David toward the door. "No, but there are some things a kid doesn't need to hear. I'll be out in a second. Go play." He shut the door behind the boy and twirled around again. "Spock, _kroykah!_ "

Spock sat up slowly and uttered a phrase in Vuhlkansu, and McCoy shook his head. "No, that's all I know. It means 'stop' right? I didn't just take the name of a deity in vain or something right?"

Jim rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom and shut the door. McCoy walked over and tapped on the door.

"Jim, you okay?"

"I gotta pee, Bones, do you mind?"

McCoy blushed. "Okay, whatever." He went back to Spock and sat beside him. "Look, from what little I know about your brain, I think whatever Jim dumped in there hit a reset button on you. You need to meditate. So as soon as the brat is done we'll get out of your hair and you can go straighten yourself out."

"I do not wish to be apart from Jim. He has not answered my question."

McCoy sighed. "Spock, I'm going to give you my honest opinion, and you can take it or leave it. I think Jim _did_ love this Solion guy, but not as a lover. Not like you. He loved him as a parent, or as a mentor. The way he loves Admiral Pike. Completely and totally different."

Jim walked out, drying his wet hands on his jeans. He looked warily at his husband and stood at the edge of the bed. "You going to go postal on me?"

"Was your affection for Solion similar to your affection for me, or for Admiral Pike?" Spock asked.

"Heh. Totally like Pike. They're – they _were_ – both like fathers to me. I know Solion was basically you, but for gods' sakes, Spock, he was almost 200 years old! I like maturity but that's taking it a little far." Jim aimed a lopsided smile at his partner.

Spock looked at the bedspread. "I believe I may have made a mistake," he uttered to no one in particular.

Jim went over and hoisted his mate up, which required massive strength since Spock outweighed him by seventy five pounds. Then he went and pulled out Spock's meditation mat and incense. He lit a stick of incense and pointed at the mat.

"Get your head on straight and I'll be downstairs watching TV."

Spock knelt obediently and began to compose himself. Jim waved for McCoy to follow him and after shutting the door they stopped at David's room.

"Boogaboo, you okay?"

David looked away from the comm. "I'm just talking to Bridget."

Jim nodded. "Hey, Bridget."

"Hi, Mr. Kirk!" she called. " _Boogaboo?_ " she questioned softly. David blushed and turned around to explain.

Jim went downstairs and stretched out on the couch, flipping the vid set on to the sports networks. He was halfway through a great football game when his eyes slipped closed and he was gone.

He began having an awesome dream, about being on the _Enterprise_ again. All his friends were there and he was in control and Spock was with him and – Spock was kissing him on the lips. Jim thought about it and then opened his mouth and suddenly there were tongues battling. He felt his body stirring and spared a faint thought for the fact that they were on the bridge, when suddenly –

He was awake and in the air. Spock was carrying him up the stairs, and Jim grabbed onto his shoulders in alarm.

" _T'hy'la_ , do not struggle or we will both fall." Spock made it to the top of the stairs and into the bedroom, which still smelled like sandalwood. He laid Jim on the bed and climbed over top of him. The kiss from the dream resumed and Jim moaned. Finally he turned his head to the side.

"The door," Jim breathed.

Spock nodded. "It is open."

"David," was the next objection.

"Is asleep," Spock volleyed back.

"We can't," Jim insisted.

Spock rolled off Jim. "You are correct, of course. One moment, my _t'hy'la_." He shut the door and locked it and said, "Better?"

"Yes, thank you," Jim exclaimed. Then Spock came to the foot of the bed and unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it to the side. He stripped out of his undershirt and cast it aside as well. He slid out of his pants and underwear and stood naked in front of Jim.

"Guide me." Spock sounded rather confident at the moment, and Jim paused.

Jim squirmed out of his jeans, revealing that he had once again been going commando underneath. He chucked his t-shirt to the side.

"Ravish me," Jim instructed.

"Indeed," Spock responded, and pounced on his eager husband.


	20. A Pause In The Day

When they were done, Jim was running his fingers through Spock's chest hair and he asked lazily, "You're still not back to normal, are you?"

"What gave you your first inclination, Jim?" Spock rumbled.

Jim snorted. "I don't _care …_ I'd just hate to see you tomorrow, afterward, you know?"

"I will not overcompensate, _ashayam_. I give you my word." He paused. "Not that my word carries much weight yet, but I still offer it."

His husband snuggled down and kissed his chest. "You promised you wouldn't go apeshit on me when I let you feel what I was feeling, and for the most part you didn't, so hey, you earned some credit tonight!"

Spock sighed. "Why do humans compare so many different actions to some form of feces? When you feel poorly, you feel like shit warmed over. When you get angry, you go apeshit. When you lie, it is bullshit. When you are afraid, you are chickenshit. Can you explain this phenomenon to me?"

Jim chuckled. "No clue, angel. It just is. _Kaiidth._ Chalk it up to crazy humans." Jim yawned. "But I loved hearing you say it anyway. You know it tickles me to death to hear you cuss."

Spock slid off the side of the bed and pulled his covers down. He climbed in and lay on his side, and Jim crawled in the other side and faced his husband. Jim yawned and Spock kissed his nose, and finally they fell asleep together, left hands clutching each other tightly.

* * *

 

Spock woke the next morning with his perfect recall intact and was slightly horrified at his actions and words, but also remembered his promise to his mate that he wouldn't over-correct. He got up quietly and ran his circuit through the neighborhood before showering and eating breakfast. David came down just before seven and joined him.

"So did you and Dad get in it last night?" David mumbled around a mouthful of cereal.

"Do not speak with your mouth full," Spock answered. "No, we did not 'get in it'. We were asleep shortly after you."

"Good. My principal's asking all sorts of questions about you two. Are you happy together, are you good parents, things like that. She seems to like you but she's got it out for Dad."

"Who's got it out for me?" Jim asked as he thumped down the stairs.

"Mrs. Colway. You kinda ticked her off and she doesn't like you now." David shoveled the last of his breakfast in his mouth and stood up.

"Sit," Spock ordered gently. "You have not swallowed."

The boy collapsed back into the chair just as his father took his bowl and stuck it in the washer. Jim waited for David to swallow before asking him a question.

"How long will you be in ISS?"

"Through Wednesday of next week. It's not that bad, really, although I miss the lectures." David shrugged.

"You have learned a valuable lesson, that violence is never a solution," Spock told his stepson.

"I'm sure he got it the first six hundred times, dear, " Jim spoke to the ceiling. Spock sent a picture through the bond and Jim snickered. "You know, years and years ago you would have gotten your hand smacked for that."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "My bondmate is certainly welcome to punish me however he sees fit."

Jim gave a dirty growl. "Do I finally get to be the teacher with the naughty student?"

"DAD! I'm still in the room. _Jeez._ " David stared at his parents disgustedly and slunk out of the kitchen. "I'm getting on the comm!" he called on the way up the stairs.

Spock turned and looked at Jim with the most expressive smirk he would allow himself to show. Jim came over and shoved him lightly. The two held hands for a moment and then Jim checked the chronometer. "It's almost tip-off time. Wanna watch the Buccaneers get slaughtered?"

"You placed a wager on this game," Spock guessed.

"Nothing serious," Jim defended himself. "If the Buccs win, I have to be proctor for Tomas' finals."

Spock looked at his mate. "If you are proctor for Captain Maxis' finals, who will be proctor for yours?"

"Got it all worked out. Reynald said he'd do it."

Spock glared. "You are taking _my_ teaching assistant to cover _your_ class because of a wager?"

"I wish you'd use the word. It's a bet, Spock, and Reynald already said he'd do it. He'd just be sitting in _your_ classroom watching you watch the students otherwise."

"And explain what occurs should this team lose?"

"Tomas has to sing 'Another Saturday Night' to my class."

Spock sat on the sofa. "Am I to understand Captain Maxis is still single following the termination of his marriage?"

"Yeah, but the real reason is he was singing it in the men's room last week. He's a huge Cat Stevens enthusiast."

"He was the singer who changed his name to Yusuf Islam, correct?"

Jim nodded. "I heard there was some backlash over it. I don't get it."

Spock thought back to the historical period. "If I am placing his work correctly, Muslims were not seen favorably by all races at that time. However, I am confused. Was it not the practice of many athletes of the period to take a similar name?"

Jim nodded. "I know they did it in the NFL and the NBA in America. Something about it felt right or something. I don't know. What do you think they would have done when our first interspecies basketball pickup game become professional? People can be so close-minded!"

"No, _ashayam_ , it is more likely that you are unusually open-minded about so many topics. It is one of the traits I admire most in you." Spock held up his hand for a Vulcan kiss, and Jim touched his fingers.

The comm station sounded and Jim hurried in to answer it.


	21. Surprise Inspection

"Hello?"

"Hello, Captain Kirk. My name is Jamie McDonald, I was your son's social worker. I'd like to speak to you and your spouse at this time."

"It's one o' clock on a Saturday," Jim objected.

She shrugged. "I was told this was a good time to reach you. Was that wrong?" Jim shook his head and she continued. "We have a request for a home review by a third party. When may I see your home?"

Jim felt his hairs raise up and realized Spock was sending soothing love through the bond. He closed his eyes as he had been taught and breathed in and out three times before opening his eyes and answering.

"Just about any time is good for us this weekend. We have a house guest, so downstairs is being used as an office and bedroom, but we're pretty much ready."

"We appreciate your cooperation, Captain. I will arrive there in less than an hour. See you then." She ended the call and Jim closed his eyes again.

"Correct, _ashayam_ , breathe. Imagine as you breathe out, the frustration is leaving your body." Spock stood very close to his mate. As the anger dissipated, Jim's confidence grew.

When he opened his eyes again, he looked around and said, "I did it!"

"Indeed you did, Jim. I am proud of you." Spock looked into the living room. "We should alert the doctor to the upcoming visit, and straighten our rooms. I have not been a part of an inspection before, so I do not know for what she will be looking. Do you know, Jim?"

Jim shrugged. "Well, the house can't be falling down around our ears. We can't have trash three inches thick on the floor. The food can't be moldy. I'm pretty sure we can't have sex toys sitting around the living room," he joked just to break the mood. "David's room has to be big enough and furnished properly. I don't know, things like that."

Spock regarded his mate closely for a moment. "I would now hypothesize that you have undergone a previous inspection of this nature."

"Well, I called CPS on my stepfather once. They came and did a perfunctory glance and left. When I called back they explained that we had fresh food, we had beds in rooms that were safe, and the house was in good repair. So they couldn't take us away."

"Yet now, we know you were denied this fresh food they observed, and that your rooms were not safe from Mr. Barnett. I am saddened that the system designed to protect you failed, _t'hy'la_."

Jim ducked his head. "The system didn't fail me. Don did." Jim went upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door where McCoy was showering. "Hey, Bones?"

True to his training, both in Starfleet and as a doctor, McCoy responded instantly. "What's wrong, Jim?"

"Nothing's wrong, Bonesy. Social Services is going to inspect the house, and they're on their way. We thought you'd like a heads-up."

McCoy turned off the water and reached for his towel. "Why are they sending Social Services after you at this late date? They gave custody of David to Spock and cleared him to come home. Now what do they want?" McCoy got out and grabbed some clothes. "I'll go get ready."

Jim remained outside the bathroom door. "I don't know what they want. Maybe they still don't trust me. Maybe they're going to take him away from me again," Jim called through the door. Behind him, another door opened.

"Say _what?_ " David exclaimed, sticking his head out. "They're coming for me _again_? But you didn't _do_ anything this time! Why can't they just leave us alone? _Damn!_ "

"Hey!" Jim snapped over his shoulder. "Mouth!"

"David, please assume your station on the stairs," Spock called from downstairs. "Fifteen minutes of Latin verbs."

David growled and put away his iPod and tromped down the stairs angrily. "Well at least they'll be able to find me when they come for me," he muttered.

Once McCoy was almost done with the bathroom, Jim went down the stairs and sat by his son silently. At his mate's curious glance he explained, "I can't prove they're not going to take him again. So I just want to sit with him for a while."

McCoy emerged, clean and dressed and having finally shaved. The three men sat together in the kitchen while David finished out his punishment on the stairs. McCoy was talking to Spock when the doorbell rang and Jim got up slowly to answer it.

"Good afternoon, Captain Kirk. I'm Jamie McDonald. May I come in?"

"Not really much point in me saying no," Jim answered sarcastically and Spock poked him in the bond. "Welcome to the Spock-Kirk household. This is my husband and bondmate, Captain Spock, and this is our best friend, Dr. Leonard McCoy."

"Dr. McCoy, I have questions for you later. Please show me your home." She pulled out a padd and began making notes.

Jim rolled his eyes and said, "Well, this is the kitchen. It's also the dining room and the meeting room when we have to discuss something as a family." He headed over to the next doorway and continued, "This is the living room. We watch videos and receive guests here. This is where Dr. McCoy is staying."

He spun around and went to the stairs, where David was sitting, writing away. "This is my son David, who is in timeout for another four minutes. Let us by, David." David got up and the two walked by. "Up here are the bedrooms. Bathroom right behind you, David's room here, our room beside it." He got a saccharine smile on his face. "Ta-da!"

"Why is your son in timeout, Captain?"

Jim shrugged. "He said something he wasn't supposed to."

"Such as what?"

"He said 'damn'." Jim blushed involuntarily. "It's more his father's rule than mine."

She blinked at him. "You're not his father?"

"Oh." Jim shook his head. "I'm his birth father but he calls me 'Dad'. Captain Spock is his stepfather but we call him 'Father' for short."

"Oookay," Ms. McDonald answered slowly. "I'd like to see your rooms now."

Jim tilted his head. "I'll be with you for ours but David has to be present for his. Hey, kid!" he called out. "Time's up, we need you up here!"


	22. The Torture Continues

David scampered up the stairs and stopped in front of the pair. "Yeah?"

"Ms. McDonald would like to see your room, David."

"Yes, sir," David replied, and led the woman into his area. Jim waited outside patiently, and while he was waiting Spock came upstairs.

"Are you breathing properly, _ashayam?_ " Spock whispered.

Jim shook his head. "I don't want to look like a fool in front of her."

"And how will you appear if become angry without cause, Jim?"

"Point taken." Jim looked up as the other two walked out of David's room. She was writing furiously on her padd.

"I'd like to see the adults' room now." Ms. McDonald walked into Jim and Spock's room and began looking around. "Is your bed always made?"

"Yeah. Spock wouldn't let me keep the room messy. You've never dealt with a Vulcan before, have you?" Jim observed.

"No. Real Vulcans would not need my assistance, because this would never occur in their homes."

There was movement as Jim shot forward and suddenly an expeditious Vulcan stood in front of his fuming human.

"Breathe, Jim. Allow me to handle this myself." Spock placed a Vulcan kiss on the inside of Jim's wrist and turned around, still physically blocking the man from the worker. "You have insulted my honor. Were this ancient matriarchal Vulcan, my mate would have every right to strike you without warning. However, this is Earth, and you are merely a human who does not know any better. Be warned; my mate takes his position as my champion quite seriously."

"I've heard he's violent," she observed casually.

Spock came as close to her as he dared. "My mate is not violent. My mate is verbally outspoken and quite loud at times, however he has never struck me or the child in anger. I find I do not care for your attitude."

"Well I don't care for your parenting skills, Captain Spock. You sit your child on the stairs for fifteen minutes and have him do homework as a punishment? What does _that_ teach him? Your partner takes away the child's belongings if he misbehaves; do you care to tell me that is any better? And what is this I hear about Captain Kirk getting drunk and then you leaving a child alone with an intoxicated parent?" She took a breath.

Spock felt his teeth grind for a moment and the shame of his actions rose up in him again. Very precisely, he spoke to the worker. "If you believe me to be a negative influence on David, you have every right to order me from the home. I will vacate the premises immediately. However, do not remove the child from his father. It has come to our attention that Dr. Marcus is not interested in raising the boy and, to use plain Standard, we are all he has now."

"I would like to say something, please," David chimed in from the doorway. He walked in slowly and stared at the worker. "I know my parents aren't conventional. I know my parents make mistakes. But they've raised me for ten years. All my friends' parents go ga-ga over my behavior, saying I'm so polite and I'm such a great kid. My teachers say I'm a hard worker and that I'm a bright student. I wouldn't be any of that without these two men."

"Even when they're making mistakes, I'm learning the right way from them. Dad got drunk once, _once_ in fourteen years. But he taught me when life knocks your feet out from under you, you go to your family, cause that's what he did when he sobered up. Father left us, but it wasn't forever, and he taught me sometimes you have to do the unthinkable to save yourself, but you always come home. When he came back he was okay again. Just because _you_ don't approve of what they've done doesn't mean _I_ haven't learned a lot from them."

David took his father's hand and grabbed his stepfather's sleeve. "These are my parents, and I love them, and I would testify to that in a thousand courts if I had to. I don't want to be taken from them."

Ms. McDonald sniffed in a depreciating way. "I have to follow the court's guidelines. I don't approve of this little family unit you seem to have cobbled together, but I have no outstanding reason to remove the child. I'll leave for now, Captain Kirk. But the second I have reason to return, I will yank this boy out of here so fast your head will spin." She stalked out of the bedroom and down the stairs. They heard her begin to grill McCoy.

Jim bent over and exhaled sharply, putting his hands on the floor below him. Spock quietly stretched his neck and tried to relax his jaw. David looked back and forth between them.

"This isn't over, is it?" David whispered.

" _Now_ can I use the stay of execution parallel?" Jim asked Spock plaintively.

Spock straightened his head and closed his eyes. "I believe it is most applicable now, Jim."

"It's not that bad," David commented. "We just have to never make another mistake ever again. Easy, right?"

"David, _please_ ," Jim whined, standing up and putting his face in his hands. "Is it anger when you feel sick to your stomach?" he asked his mate.

"Lie down, Jim. Rest for a moment. I will speak with Dr. McCoy when she is finished. Unless your distress is so great you require I have the doctor attend you right away?"

"I won't give her the satisfaction. Just send Bones up when she's done with him."

David watched as his father crawled on the bed. "I'll be in my room if you need me, Dad."

Downstairs, Ms. McDonald was asking question after question of the doctor. He answered them as succinctly as possible, however she seemed to be fishing for something and after ten minutes McCoy held up a hand.

"You're obviously looking for me to say something in particular. Why don't you tell me what you think you need to hear and I'll tell you whether or not I can say it?"

"You're a medical professional. You don't truly think two men are capable of raising a child properly, do you? Doesn't a child need a father and a mother?" Ms. McDonald pressed.

McCoy sat back on the sofa and glared at the intruder. "Do you realize that boy asked specifically to be raised by Jim and Spock? And I'll tell you this much as well, just professional to professional," he added to stroke her ego. "Carol Marcus was asked to take primary custody back by David's request, and do you know what she did?" Ms. McDonald shook her head. "She refused custody," McCoy continued.

"Now, Jim and Spock are certainly an odd couple. Two men are odd enough, but a Vulcan and a human? But they've made it work, and that boy has been his parents' pride and joy now for seven years. Why don't you tell me what upsets you and I'll either explain it or tell you to report it?" McCoy smiled at the woman.

"Well, there's the stairs issue."

McCoy nodded. "David's room is full of things to do other than punishment work, and Spock feels having David do the work at the kitchen table would make sitting at the table a punishment. So thus, the stairs. And all he does is conjugate verbs in different languages for fifteen minutes. Worst case scenario, the kid becomes multilingual. Best case scenario, he doesn't screw up anymore because he doesn't enjoy the extra work."

"Where is the child going to learn relationship skills?"

"Well, just because they're both men doesn't mean they're that they can't show David how you treat a partner properly. It hasn't really been an issue until recently." McCoy lowered his voice for a second. "David's got a little girlfriend now, and they're having to teach him skills appropriate for a boy his age. I think that's a little tough on _any_ parent, not just them."

"Do you have children, doctor?"

"I have a daughter. She's seventeen. She was raised by her mother." McCoy looked away briefly and Ms. McDonald blushed from the embarrassment of having brought it up.

"Would you want them raising your daughter?" she finally asked.

"If Michele couldn't raise Joanna and I was dead, I would be honored if Jim and Spock raised her. They're stand-up guys, and I know they'd do a great job. What they didn't know – which would be very little – they'd find someone and ask."

The worker tried another tactic. "Have you ever made an unscheduled visit here?"

McCoy nodded. "Last conference I attended was in LA, and I rented a car and drove up the coast all afternoon. Got here at six in the evening. Jim was thrilled and Spock insisted I stay for dinner and asked about my lecture I gave. David was happy to see me too. My presence here now was unexpected as well. I tend to drop in." McCoy puffed up a bit. "I'm Uncle Bones."

Ms. McDonald shook her head. "I still think it's a disaster waiting to happen."

"Well, that _disaster waiting to happen_ has raised a kid with a 3.89 GPA who has friends and a girlfriend and is relatively happy and well-adjusted. I know the method squicks you, but can you argue with the results?" McCoy posed.

"Can you explain the drinking and the leaving and the fistfights?" Ms. McDonald shot back.

"Jim screwed up once. Once in fourteen years. I can forgive that. _Spock_ was confused when he left. He wasn't in his right mind, and I'll testify to that as his personal physician. And I'm not that concerned about David and his little fistfight. It was his first, and probably his last, and you can't prevent everything. He knows better now."

"So if I were to call you into court you wouldn't testify against the captains?"

McCoy narrowed his eyes. "Sugar, if you're looking for someone to testify against them, you're not only barking up the wrong tree but there isn't a tree in sight for you. From neighbors to coworkers to family to friends, you're not going to find anyone who will testify against them."

He paused. "No, I take that back. There is someone who will testify against them gladly. You need to talk to Carol Marcus. She thinks Jim and Spock are sinners and dirty and should be shot. Of course, she's crazier than a loon, but if that's what you need, there ya go."

Ms. McDonald got up off the sofa. "I'll tell you the same thing I told the captains. If I get the slightest hint something is wrong here, I'll come back and take the boy permanently. I suggest none of you test me on this. Thank you for your honesty, doctor." She gathered her materials and walked to the front door. Spock was waiting in the foyer, and opened the door for her.

"Peace and long life, Ms. McDonald." Spock waited for her to leave and shut the door.

Spock went to the doctor and informed him of Jim's illness and McCoy went to his bag and pulled out a hypospray, loading it and walking up the stairs. He found the man curled up on the bed, breathing so softly the doctor first thought he was asleep. But when he opened the door further, Jim looked up.

"Hey Bones. She gone?"

"Yep. Spock says your stomach's bothering you?" McCoy rolled him over on his back and pressed down in a few key spots. "You think it's your nerves?"

Jim shook his head. "I think I got mad and didn't breathe like Spock said and it made me sick."

The doctor rubbed his fingertips across Jim's forehead. "Nah, kid, you're just a bundle of nerves, and quite frankly if I'd had that witch after me I'd have gotten sick too. You want some medicine?"

"Am I a wimp if I say yes?"

"No, sport, you're not a wimp." McCoy pressed the hypo into Jim's arm. "It'll make you sleepy, so just crawl on up to your pillow and get comfy. I'll send Lucky Charms back upstairs."

"Thanks, Bones." Jim stretched out and then sat up. "Bones?" He waited for the doctor to turn around. "Why do _you_ think she's a witch? What did she say to you?"

McCoy tut-tutted. "No, we're not going into that yet. Just rest."


	23. Trading Tales

Jim lay down, closed his eyes and fell asleep. When he woke, he was overheated, and the back of his shirt was plastered against him. But then he realized why – he was being held. Spock had come up, lay down with his mate and covered them both with his old afghan. Jim sent a burst of love though the bond and felt the arm around him tighten.

"Do you feel better, _ashayam_?" Spock murmured into his neck.

"What if she's right?" Jim answered softly. "What if we _are_ horrible parents and we shouldn't be raising a kid?" He rolled over. "What if he belongs with a mother and a father? Maybe we should talk to Carol again about her and Jakob raising David."

Spock sat up and propped himself up with one hand, staring down at his mate. "If I truly believed that to be true, Jim, I would have never applied for custody. If I truly felt David would fail to thrive without female influence, I would have never removed him from his mother's care. This has not been some haphazard attempt on my part, Jim. I have considered every step as carefully as I was able to at that time."

Jim buried his face in the mattress. "I'm sorry, Spock. That was insensitive of me."

"However, if you believe now that he must have some feminine care, may I suggest we speak with David again about his pseudo-aunt?"

"Think she'd still do it?" Jim mumbled, rubbing his face on the bed sheet.

In lieu of an answer, Spock got up and got his dress shirt, hanging in the closet, and put it on. He sat at the comm station and pressed the fifth memory dial number. When the line was answered Spock nodded once regally.

"Greetings, Nyota. Are you well?"

"Hey Spock. I'm great. I have some wonderful news to share with you, but it's a super big secret right now. Can you keep this quiet?"

"Certainly. What is your news?"

Nyota Uhura lowered her voice and leaned into the screen. "I'm going to ask Lionel to marry me."

Spock's eyebrows rose and Jim sat up suddenly and vaulted off the bed.

"Wait, say what? You're going to pop the question? When? Do we have time to warn him?" Jim exclaimed.

"Ha ha, Captain. I'm asking him tomorrow night. I was going to call you two in a couple of hours to let you in on it, but it's serendipity. How are things with you all?" Nyota smiled at her two friends.

Jim went uncharacteristically silent and Spock averted his eyes. Nyota zoomed in on them in an instant.

"Okay, so we won't talk about it until you two are comfortable saying it aloud. But if you need me …."

"There is a purpose to this call, Nyota. We have our own question we wish to raise with you." Spock looked at his mate and then looked back at the screen. "Will you begin a relationship with our son in the capacity of a pseudo-aunt?"

Nyota sighed. "Spock, you can still knock me down with your powerful, emotional speeches. Listen guys, not that I'm not willing, but I think it needs to be David's decision. He's already got 'Uncle Bones'. What does he need an aunt for?"

Spock bit his lip briefly. "It would aid us in a situation that is unfavorable at the moment."

"What situation?"

Jim made circling motions at his temple with a finger and groused, "We've got a homophobic social worker gunning for us, trying to take David. She thinks he's suffering without female influence. So we figured, we'll give him some!"

"What on Earth is a social worker doing looking at the two of you? You're the best parents I know! This has to be Jim's fault. I just know it."

Spock folded his hands on the table in front of him. "I believe the blame lies evenly between us." Spock told the tale of the fateful afternoon and his reaction and the resulting fallout. Nyota stared at them with a disappointed look on her face.

"One gets drunk, one walks out, one beats someone up. You three are probably the reason Leonard asks for booze for Christmas every year." Nyota put her chin in her hand. "So, you think if he's got a lady in his life the social worker will back off?"

"It is our most sincere desire," Spock replied.

His husband rephrased it as "We're praying so."

"Well, put the fella on and let me talk to him, Auntie to nephew."

Jim went to David's room and told him to pick up the comm. Once he was on the line, Spock shut off his machine and leaned back in the chair.

"Isn't this great? Uhura's going to be married just like us! Now we just have to marry off Chekov and Bones and everyone will be paired off!"

A throat cleared at the door and Jim looked up to find McCoy at the door, dressed up to go out that night. "You're not 'marrying me off', Jimmy, so get the idea out of your head. And leave Pavel alone, for God's sakes. The boy wants to take his time and find the perfect little Russian bride, then let him."

"Whoops. You weren't supposed to hear that part about Uhura," Jim backpedaled.

"Eh. I'll chalk it up to doctor-patient confidentiality. I _am_ going to be officially told eventually, right?"

"Affirmative. I believe you will find you have voicemail at your residence in Atlanta," Spock assured McCoy.

"Great. Well I'm going to spend the night out on the town, so I'll be back in the morning. What time do you guys get up on a Sunday? Do you want me to fix something for breakfast when I get in?" McCoy suggested.

Spock was silent but Jim grinned madly. "Spock loves cinnamon rolls. Don't ask, I don't know why. But they drive him wild. I'd fix two batches; he'll eat the first one himself."

"Got it. Catch you guys later. We'll do wrap up tomorrow after breakfast." With that, McCoy was out the door.

The men looked at each other and Spock opened his mouth to say something when David knocked on the door frame.

"Hey, can I come in?"

Spock closed his mouth and nodded, sitting in the desk chair. Jim put his hands behind his back and a bright smile on his face.

"What can I do for my favorite son?" Jim asked merrily.

"Dad, I'm your _only_ son." The boy's face shifted. "Right? You don't have other kids, right?" Jim shook his head solemnly and David exhaled. "Okay, good. Anyway, Aunt Ny said she has a task for the two of you. I kinda told her about the therapy and the fighting and all," he admitted softly.

Spock felt his face heat but Jim took it in stride. "Okay, what does 'Aunt Ny' want us to do?"

David frowned in confusion. "She wants Father to tell me the story behind his 'other name' and she wants you to tell me about someone named Jeneane."

Both men looked at each other, shocked and surprised. Jim sent through the bond, _You want to go first or shall I?_

_I will go first, ashayam. I believe mine is less personal._

Spock put his hands in his lap and said, "My Vulcan name is – " there was a long guttural line of sounds " – Spock. You have heard this on occasion when I am legally addressed. However, I had another name, a given Christian name, because of my mother."

Jim looked at his husband in amazement. "You've got a Christian name?"

Spock looked down. "My name was to be Nicholas Daniel."

Jim inched backward and sat on the bed. "Nicholas Daniel?" He sounded it out a few more times. "Wow. You _so_ do not look like a Nicholas." Then he laughed. "Or a Nick. Or a Nicky. Wow."

David took this news in stride and turned to his other parent. "Okay, who was Jeneane? An ex?"

Jim darkened and Spock caught a flash of shame across the bond. That was followed by soul-deep pain. Spock got up and came to sit cautiously beside his husband.

Jim took a few steadying breaths, and then began.

"Jeneane was my steady girlfriend; we dated my senior year of high school. We weren't phenomenally close or anything, but we made a cute couple. She used to help me with Interplanetary Policies homework and she sat behind me in Advanced Physics. People started talking about us. Nothing bad, just that we were a solid couple and we were probably going to go 'all the way', meaning get married."

"Mid-April our senior year – strangely enough really close to your birthday, Spock – there was a really foggy morning. It was socked in; you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. All the aircars should have been grounded, but there were a few still out." Jim shivered. "Jeneane was crossing the path in front of the school when she was hit by a car. She died instantly."

Jim leaned down and put his face in his hands. Spock put his hand on Jim's back and Jim straightened slowly.

"Jeneane was two months pregnant. Her parents demanded a paternity test. It wasn't mine."

Spock closed his eyes in sympathy and David watched his father sadly.

"She cheated on you?" David finally whispered.

Jim lifted a shoulder. "All I know is people were mourning Jeneane's death, and I was pissed that she had slept around on me. Rather than accept the pain of her loss, I held onto the anger."

Jim rubbed his feet on the carpet and exhaled noisily. "And that's the tale of Jeneane. Remind me to think of something equally as painful for your Auntie to go through."

"I get that talking about Jeneane was painful for Dad, but what was so painful about Father's name?" David asked innocently.

Spock continued to comfort his spouse and finally looked back at the boy. "It was a special matter between me and my mother. I once confided in my mother that I saw the name as an emergency escape route – should being Vulcan prove to be too painful, one day I could simply take my other given name and start life as a human in a Vulcan body."

"Oh, _t'hy'la_ ," Jim responded. "That's so sad! You actually considered abandoning all your hard work and everything you've known? That breaks my heart. Why have you never told me?"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Most likely for a similar reason as to why I was not informed of the story of your previous partner."

Jim leaned over and hugged Spock. "Well, whether you were Spock or Nicholas, I would have married you either way. I love you just the way you are."

"I feel I have an insight as to your intimacy issues now, _ashayam_ ," Spock replied. "I am saddened by your losses."

"Water under the bridge, Spock. I'm getting better every day I'm with you." Jim rubbed a thumb up Spock's left eyebrow, and Spock closed his eyes briefly and gave a small smile.

"David, you may inquire to your pseudo-aunt Nyota as to what her reaction was to our relationship ending. Be specific as to why she was crying." Spock looked at his partner. "Would that be appropriate?"

"No," Jim chuckled, "but I bet he'll do it anyway."

"Why don't you tell me instead, Father?"

Spock looked at the boy and folded his hands together. "It is not my story. It is Ms. Uhura's tale."


	24. You Are Perfect To Me

Jim got up and shooed his son toward the door. "I need to talk to your father in private. It has to do with that song you brought back from Jason's house last summer."

David smiled. "Oh, okay. Clean or original?"

"Original. That's the only version I like."

David gave his father a high five and went out, shutting the door behind him. Jim sat back down and wrapped an arm around his mate and quoted the chorus of the song he and David had listened to the year before.

" _Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel_

_like you're less than fucking perfect._

_Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel_

_like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me."_

Spock looked down. Jim stared at his partner and then shook his head. "You really forget sometimes how much I look up to you. Even at your worst, you're a thousand times better than I could ever hope to be. You're brilliant, you're moral, you're compassionate – even though the students you reprimand would object to that adjective – you're everything. You're perfect to me. I thought that before I married you, and I still think it today."

Spock raised his eyes to Jim and sighed. "The gratuitous profanity aside, your quote describes accurately how I view you as well, Jim. I am aware that I am often hyper-critical of you, and it saddens me that you believe this means I think poorly of you. Quite the opposite, in fact. I believe in you so much that I occasionally forget you are capable of error."

"Error as in getting smashed an hour before your son comes home? Or error as in abandoning your child with an audience watching?" Jim scowled for a moment.

"Affirmative to both. However, your greatest error is becoming too emotionally involved with a situation. I believe the phrase would be you 'jump in head first'. You react with your emotions instead of with your intellect. The situation with Ambassador Solion, for example. You were in emotional distress, and rather than responding maturely, you sought any escape possible, and honestly chose one of the more unpleasant ways to cope."

"However, I am no example to follow. When my father 'allowed' my mother to be insulted in front of the admissions council for the Vulcan Science Academy, my next decision was, to quote my mother, to 'make an ass of myself'. My words were precise, however I was anything but detached. I declined their offer of admission and reiterated my half-breed status to them before insinuating that they could procreate with themselves and walking out." Spock fought a smile. "The reaction did not stop at the academy. Our entire city knew of my petulance before nightfall."

Jim cracked up. "You told the Vulcan Science Academy to go fuck themselves and walked out? God, Spock, I would have killed to have been there! You were what, eighteen? What did your dad do?"

Spock suddenly got quiet. When he answered, his voice was strained. "My belongings were packed by the house staff and I was escorted off the premises."

"Holy shit. He kicked you off the property? Where did you go? What did you do?" Jim grabbed his husband's hand.

"My mother gave me access to her personal account for funds and I boarded the next flight for Earth. I stayed at my maternal aunt's house in Virginia until the semester began for Starfleet Academy."

Jim swallowed hard. "So that's the reason you never went back? I thought you were just having a fight with your dad! I didn't know he actually disowned you!" Jim scooted back on the bed. "Why did you never tell me this before? I mean the whole thing? You told me about declining admission and going to Starfleet instead, but you didn't tell me your whole life fell apart in the process!"

Spock turned to face his mate. "I did not wish for you to romanticize my disobedience. You have a tendency to place rebellious individuals on pedestals. For example, your favorite twentieth century comedians include Robin Williams, Lewis Black, George Carlin, and Chris Rock. Not one of those men followed conventional dictates. Yet you idealize the men." Spock raised an eyebrow. "They also had an affinity for using the word 'fuck'. This amuses you to no end."

"You've heard my recitation of Cartman's speech from South Park. You know my feelings about my little four-lettered friend."

Spock exhaled. "Yes, James, we all know your passion for expressing yourself in obscenities. You believe this speech for some reason to be a privilege bestowed solely upon adults. We are fortunate David seems to believe repeating what he overhears is wrong, with rare exceptions. Why you feel you must verbalize in this manner is beyond my comprehension."

"Well not all of us are born thesauri, Spock. And you've got to admit, sometimes it just feels good to say it. Or not. You were apparently able to slip one to the VSA without ever uttering the exact words. Would you like to teach me to do that? Because if I knew how to tell off people without saying what I mean, I'd be thrilled."

Spock stood up. "I would consider this task a test of my instructional abilities. I accept your challenge, and I offer you your first lesson. The words are 'thank you'. I want you to practice your intonation until you are able to say 'thank you' to a person and instead be insinuating that you wish to disparage them."

"'Thank you' turned into 'fuck you'? Gimme a couple of hours. I got this."

Spock inclined his head and gestured to the stairs. "I will be downstairs should you need assistance."

Jim lay back on the bed and repeated his phrase over and over to himself, trying different tones, speeds, and emphases until he began to drift off. He was dozing lightly when there was a familiar knock at the door.

"I'm up, slugger, what can I do for you?"

David came and sat on the bed beside his dad. "Is it okay if I talk about Father when he's not here?"

Jim raised his head. "If you're going to complain, don't. Tell him to his face."

"No, I just got off the comm with Aunt Nyota again. I wanted to know if you knew about why she was crying when she dumped him."

Jim sat up. "I heard your father's version. What did Uhura say?"

David looked down as he recited the story. "She said Father was a stickler for truth, but he wasn't being true to himself or to her. She knew about the crush you two had on each other. She said the whole bridge crew knew. You thought he was giving you a back rub once and you were moaning and you said his name but when you looked up he was standing in front of you. Were you really that obvious?"

Jim blushed. "Well, not always. Your father did some strange things himself, like when we were going up against a creature and he was all, 'Save it! Save it!' and when it cornered me he went from 'Save it!' to 'KILL IT!' in five seconds flat. If anyone else had heard that, he would have had some serious explaining to do."

David snorted. "Anyway, she cried because she felt sorry for Father and she knew his only shot at being truly happy was to be pushed away. She said she felt like she'd wasted two years trying to make him happy when it wasn't going to happen."

Jim shook his head. "Your father told me she felt used. Maybe that's just his interpretation."

"She said she loved him, but she was more in love with the per – pers – " He stumbled over the word. "– persona he put on. She said ' _never fall in love with an idea, always fall for the truth'_. She doesn't like me dating Bridget. She said it would be one thing if I saw her every day for hours at a time, but to just talk every once in a while on the comm isn't good enough."

Jim rubbed his jaw. "Well, she's got a point. Just like Uhura fell for what she calls Spock's persona, you could have fallen for Bridget's on-air personality. You don't spend a lot of time with her."

"What about the three years I went to school with her in Riverside? And I see her when I go back to see Mom! Isn't that enough?"

Jim reached out and punched David's shoulder lightly. "Let me tell you a story about me and your father as an example, okay?" He waited for David to nod.


	25. Let Me Give You An Example

"The first month your father and I worked together, we were very separate. We worked together on the bridge, but we ate meals separately, we worked out separately, and we didn't visit each other's quarters after hours unless it was an emergency."

"I fell hard for Spock. I thought he was the greatest thing to ever happen to the ship, to Starfleet, to Vulcans, you name it. He was just so _perfect_. I didn't see anything wrong with the guy, at all."

"A month later, though, we had a huge mission that I can't really talk about, but it required me and Spock to be side by side almost all hours of the day. And quite quickly, we discovered some things about each other."

Jim held up a finger. "I ate meat. Spock did not. It actually turned Spock's stomach to eat meals with me." Jim held up a second finger. "Spock used to grind his teeth _all the time_. I don't know if it was a physical thing or if he was under that much stress, but it drove me batty. It made _my_ teeth hurt." A third finger went up. "When I say 'pull your punches', something entirely different goes through your father's head. He 'pulled his punch' once and knocked a tooth out."

Jim put his hand down and continued, "But you see, these were things we had to learn about each other. After that experience, we began to subconsciously make changes in our routines. I cut way back on the meat, and started brushing my teeth right away if I did eat it. Spock went to Bones and got a small, invisible mouthguard to keep him from grinding his teeth. And we both began to work on a communication system that we could rely on whether we were on the ship or on an alien planet."

"I guess what I'm trying to tell you is you can't just bond on a surface level. You've got to get deeper. When you find something out firsthand, like if peppermint ice cream makes Bridget throw up instantly, it changes how you see her. If you learn her routines, like if she likes to clip her toenails after she showers or before, you'll be getting to know the real Bridget. It's easier when you're an adult, but I think you can bond with someone at your age just as easily."

"But not Bridget," David finished sadly.

"I'm not saying you have to break up with her," Jim clarified. "I'm just saying there's a whole other side to her you're not going to get to know until you spend more time together."

"I think I understand."

Jim smiled. "Okay, slugger. You'd better get ready for bed. I'll be in to tuck you in."

David paused. "Can Father say good night to me tonight instead?"

"Huh? Oh, sure. I'll send him in as soon as I find where he went. Good night, kiddo." Jim went downstairs and found Spock frowning at the computer. "Whatcha doin?"

An eyebrow lifted. "I am attempting to ascertain the properties of this molecule to discover why the attached note reads oh em gee el oh el."

Jim peered around the side of the monitor. "Oh, see, the molecule's being flirted with. And the note reads 'Oh my goodness laughing out loud', hon, you've got to know ancient code to know that."

Spock sighed. "Why would my TA send me this missive? I do not find it amusing, and it has taken four minutes of my time attempting to decipher it." Spock pushed the delete button. "Did you require my attention, Jim?"

"Oh. David wants you to say good night to him. And I wanted to go to bed early tonight, if you didn't mind."

"Very well." Spock shut down the computer and followed his mate back upstairs. Jim went in the bedroom, while Spock stopped and knocked at David's door.

"It's open," David called. He was already in bed. Spock walked in and knelt beside the bed, straightening the covers. "Hey Father, can I ask you a question?"

"You _may_ ask," Spock replied quietly.

"Would you have married Aunt Nyota if she hadn't broken up with you?"

Spock put his other knee down and sat back on his heels. "I do not believe so, no. However, I would have remained in a one-sided relationship with her because I was too uncomfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with a man such as your father."

"Sometimes I think Bridget just wants a boyfriend, and she doesn't want to date someone close to her in case they break up, so she's dating me. Is that wrong?"

"The idea or the action?" Spock posed. "It is not incorrect to raise such an uncomfortable notion. It _is_ improper if that is her intention."

"But Father, I really like her. I don't want to lose her." David grabbed Tuttle the elephant and held him to his chest.

Spock nodded. "Perhaps now would be the opportunity for truthful dialogue. Contact her tomorrow and gently raise your concerns. Do not accuse. Perhaps she, too, has concerns and has not been able to raise them." Spock stood slowly. "Regardless of the status of your relationship, you are cared for in this home and by your friends. Do not forget."

"Thanks, Father. Good night."

"Good night, David," Spock replied, shutting the door.

Spock shut the door to his room and went through his nightly course before joining his mate in bed. Jim reached over and put a warm hand on Spock's side, tracing the scar that remained after a fateful away mission. Spock rolled over and captured the hand, pulling Jim closer.

"What are you thinking, _ashayam?_ "

"Just remembering how far we've come. I was telling David about us getting to know each other and it reminded me, you haven't ground your teeth in almost, what, ten years?" Jim calculated.

Spock closed his eyes briefly. "I believe a great deal of the stress I was experiencing began to dissipate after our bonding. I occasionally find myself clinching my teeth and am able to stop it consciously; I am indebted to you for that fact." He opened his eyes again and focused on the face in front of him. "You have only indulged in your previous destructive behavior once in fourteen years. You are improving as well, Jim."

Jim began chuckling. "Do you remember when I told you I didn't want to drink anymore, and you literally reprogrammed my replicator for nothing but Diet Coke? I didn't know whether to be touched or insulted. I told Chris one time that my exec thought I was a drunk and he told me the topic had 'come up in conversation'. I was mortified."

"If it is any consolation, I did not refer to you as a 'drunk'. I merely suggested that you be required to take an alcohol awareness course. I also suggested that in order to protect your dignity the entire ship be required to attend."

"You too?"

"Affirmative. I have told you this previously, and I do not know how else to explain to you. I am half-human, Jim. I am less susceptible to the effects of alcohol, however that does not mean I am immune to it." Spock rubbed a hand down Jim's chest. "I do not partake for the same reason you do not eat chocolate. It is an honoring of my mate's decision."

Jim breathed out softly. "I am so lucky. I love you so much."

"Good night, _ashayam_ ," Spock replied. Once again their left hands reached out and touched, and they fell asleep peacefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I leave you for the day with these chapters. I hope everyone out there is doing well. Thanks for reading and I'll see you tomorrow!


	26. Let Me Tell You A Tale

Jim woke up with the unnatural sensation of being watched. Not by Spock; he would have known through the bond if it were his husband staring at him. This was somebody else. Jim slipped his hand under the side of the bed and pulled out a specially sharpened butcher knife he left there for emergencies.

"I'm armed, whoever you are," Jim called out behind himself.

"Don't shoot," a voice drawled, and Jim sat up slowly. McCoy was sitting at the desk, gazing at his best friend. As Jim awoke fully, he noticed McCoy had already showered and shaved and was dressed in an old pair of jeans and a button-down Oxford shirt.

"Uh, Bones, I know you've been a civilian for a long time now but you couldn't have forgotten how dangerous it is to just sneak in to a guy's quarters while he's sleeping. Jesus, if Spock had been in here you'd already have a broken neck!"

"The lord and master allowed me up here, and you sleep so soundly we're lucky you ever show up to work. I've been here an hour already. But since you're up now, we can talk." McCoy turned back around to the computer and pressed a button. A video resumed and Jim heard murmuring and then familiar music began to play and Uhura's voice sounded out.

Jim lay back down and covered his eyes with his hand. "You're watching my wedding video why?"

"Because I wanted to hear your exact words to the Elf King when you put on your show for everyone." McCoy fast forwarded the video until Jim and Spock were facing each other and hit play.

" _I want to be your soft place to land when everything has gone wrong,_ " Jim heard himself say, and McCoy paused the video.

"You meant that, Jimbo?"

"Hell yes. I meant every word I said to him. And I kind of resent you calling our wedding vows a 'show'." Jim raised a certain finger to the doctor without opening his eyes. "Where is my husband? Why are you torturing me like this on a Sunday morning?"

"Where's Spock? Hoo boy, you weren't kidding about him and cinnamon rolls. I bribed him with a batch and came up here to watch you sleep and think about my next move in your counseling."

"Which is?"

"We need to have a hostage exchange. Your emotions for Spock's history. Your husband told me about Nyota's little surprise she pulled on you two. That was low, but it brought up a very interesting point. You two haven't told each other your deepest, darkest secrets. It's about time you did."

"Now," McCoy continued quickly, "I know you were under the impression that giving Spock your emotions would kill him. I'm here to tell you it won't. It'll make him sick as a dog if you do it all at once, but it will not kill him."

"Similarly, Spock needs to realize you do not have one foot out the door. You're not looking for a reason to leave him, and him sharing his past with you isn't going to make you bolt." McCoy shut off the video and removed the tiny card and put it back in the desk drawer. He stood and almost swaggered to the door. "When you get up, there are cinnamon rolls waiting and a therapist with your next assignment."

Jim snagged a tennis shoe and threw it at the door lazily, missing by a mile but his point was made. The door shut and Jim lay in bed for another five minutes before he got up and got ready. When he was in the shower, he thought about the ten shields he had placed over his and Spock's connection and what would happen without them. He dressed and pounded down the stairs.

David was sitting eating at the table. Spock was in the living room reading a journal, and McCoy was standing in the doorway waiting for the younger captain. He pointed silently to the stove and sat down. Jim got his rolls and came to be with his little family.

"David, would you like to take a roll up to your room? Don't get it on your equipment," McCoy warned.

"Yes, sir. Morning, Dad." David snagged a treat off the oven and scampered back up the stairs.

"Captain Spock, your presence is requested in the kitchen," the doctor called. Spock walked in and sat down, and McCoy looked from Jim to Spock and back for a while before folding his hands and putting them on the table.

"Okay, here's where we stand. You two have built a marriage with shields and secrets in place and you think you know each other, but you really don't. I think it's time we find out once and for all who you're married to. My proposition is this: Jim, you take down one block a day until you're not blocking anymore. Spock, if it starts to overwhelm you, put a temporary block of your own up until you're able to meditate about it."

"Spock, I want you to start in your earliest memories and share a memory a night with Jim. They won't all be pleasant, but they won't all be horrible either. Jim, it's your job to listen and learn from these stories, because he's going to be revealing what made him who he is today."

Jim nodded. "I can do that." He watched McCoy smiling evilly and he exclaimed, "Now?!"

"Yes, now. Spock, you can talk to Jim in privacy, but Jim, you need to let down a block."

Jim swallowed and reached in, finding the tiniest measure he had enacted and erasing it. "Done."

"Okay, Spock, take Jim to the car or wherever you want and tell him a story about little Spock."

Spock stood and motioned for Jim to follow him through the living room and out to the back porch. He sat down on the stairs and watched his mate sit beside him. It was a little chilly that morning to Spock, and Jim automatically scooted closer and wrapped an arm around him.

"I feel somewhat ridiculous performing this task," Spock murmured.

"I hear ya."

Spock looked at his nails. "Very well. _Kaiidth._ The first instance I can recall is of my mother feeding me dry cereal while I sat in a contraption known as a high chair. I remember reaching out to touch my mother, in order to join with her mind. She was blocked out of respect for my father. I could not know my mother; however I already know at this point that crying was illogical. I merely ceased trying."

Jim sat quietly. "How old were you?" he finally asked.

"Four months, according to your calendar," Spock replied.

"Do you realize," Jim began slowly, "that human infants who are not given attention and nurturing love can fail to thrive entirely? I can't begin to imagine what the requirements are for a telepathic baby."

"My father established telepathic communication with me upon my birth. I remember being confused; his mind touched mine, but he referred me to this creature known as 'mother', and yet I could not sense her mind."

"That must have been frightening," Jim whispered.

"Affirmative. I did not know my mother's mind until I was six in Vulcan years. Almost five in your years. A healer insisted to my mother that she allow us to bond, because I would suffer without the connection. Mother was ignorant, but she was not neglectful."

Jim thought about the twelve years he had spent with his husband in the back of his mind, and realized how empty and frightening it would be if he couldn't feel Spock. Then the notion occurred to him that blocking Spock was like his mother caring for him but never connecting with him. Jim felt his face heat.

"Spock, do you want to do this the slow way, or the fast way?"

Spock inclined his head. "Jim, I cannot tell you any quicker than I already am."

"No," Jim laughed softly, "I mean my blocks. Do you want to take them apart piece by piece, or drop the whole kit and caboodle?"

Spock shuddered. "I do not believe I could handle the entirety of your emotions at once again, _t'hy'la_. However, I could handle approximately one half of the intensity, if you are capable of releasing that much."

Jim nodded. He started to reach inward and hesitated, reaching out to touch Spock's hand. Then he removed a block at a time until it was halfway open. He looked at his mate fearfully, but Spock's eyes were open and clear.


	27. Goal!

"You okay?" Jim inquired.

"I am. It seems you are no longer in such extreme turmoil. May I inquire as to what has changed?"

Jim shrugged and blushed. "I've been talking to Someone."

Spock felt the embarrassment through the bond and looked over at his husband. "You have established a relationship with a deity?"

"Kinda. Sort of. It's like, well ..." Jim lifted a shoulder again. "I call it You, and I talk to it at night when I'm going to sleep and in the morning while I run. I just talk; I never expect an answer. But it makes me feel better." He waved a hand. "It's not like I'm going ultra-holy or anything."

" _Ashayam,_ this is incredible. You know I have no qualms with your method, so long as the results are thus. I was unaware that you were taking additional measures to aid in your recovery."

Jim leaned his head against Spock's and asked, "Are you too cold?" Spock answered negatively and Jim continued. "Will you tell me a happy memory you have?"

Spock nodded and thought back for a moment. Then his lips curled slightly. "When I was two, my mother invented a game she called 'Crazy Elevator'. She would pick me up under my arms, raise me slowly to her waist, and then raise me even faster until she would let go and have me suspended midair for a moment. Then she would catch me and lower me to repeat the process."

"She could only do this while my father was at work, because I would laugh the moment I became airborne. She would play this game with me, and then when we were done she would raise a finger to her lips and return to being the proper Vulcan bondmate she was supposed to be." Spock looked down. "I always remembered her smile, and how much happier she seemed when she broke the strictures she was under. It was from my mother that I learned how to occasionally 'let down my hair' with you, _t'hy'la._ "

Jim squeezed gently. "Thank you, Lady Amanda."

Spock looked at his mate sideways. "You rarely have anything pleasant to say of your childhood. Do you have a favorable memory you could share?"

"This is going to sound strange, but I remember the night Sam got his butt beat for me." Jim leaned back and propped himself up with a hand. "This kid at school called me a bad luck charm. He said I got my father killed and if I hadn't been born, Dad would still be alive."

"I wanted to pound his face in, but Sammy held me back. He said I'd get in trouble and with Don already on the warpath, it was better I didn't. Then at the end of school, Sam knocked the kid down, introduced himself as the brother of the bad luck charm and beat him up until the principal pulled him off."

Spock frowned and turned to face Jim. "This is a pleasant memory?"

"Sammy took the suspension and the whooping from Don so I wouldn't have to." Jim sat up. "My brother fought my battle for me. He loved me that much. And now I knew it."

There was silence for a long while, and then Spock faced forward again. "I apologize. I did not consider the meaning behind the action."

Jim leaned into Spock's side. "You had a brother. You two didn't do anything un-Vulcan to each other in the name of sibling rivalry or anything, did you?"

Spock exhaled sharply. "Sybok performed plenty of 'un-Vulcan' actions upon me. It was one-sided, however. I felt I could not do any evil to my brother, as he was a true Vulcan and I was not."

"What?!" Jim spat. "Who gives a shit who was full-blood and who wasn't? He was your father's son, just like you. _You_ should have been the revered one; _you_ were Sarek and Amanda's child and it was their house!"

Spock turned wide eyes to his partner. "Jim, it would never occur to me to ever mention the fact that Sybok did not live with his mother. It was a very forbidden subject in our household. In fact, it was quite similar to the silence you reserve for when you are fighting the urge to speak of Dr. Marcus' abandonment of your child. It _was not mentioned._ "

"So what's the story behind that, anyway? Sybok's mom just up and left for Gol? Why didn't she take Sybok with her? Was that forbidden?"

Spock looked away. "My father's first marriage was unconventional. They did not live together. I know she was pregnant when she left for Gol, but she was only within the first four months. My father did not know. She sent Sybok back as a newborn as soon as he could travel. She sent him by messenger. My father was an assistant at the Embassy at that time, and almost lost his post when he was suddenly thrust into single parenthood."

A light bulb went on in Jim's head, and he coughed. "That's why your dad didn't freak about David. Well, he did about me leaving you, but not about me being an instant father. He sort of understood."

Spock nodded thoughtfully. "A most astute observation."

The door opened and McCoy stuck his head out. "I've been looking for you two all morning. How goes it?"

Jim smiled at McCoy. "I think we're going to make it, Bones."

"A'right. You two lovebirds don't stay out in the sun too long. I know Batty can handle it, but you're still relatively fair skinned, Jim."

" _Bite me,_ " Jim sang as the door shut.

Spock got up and walked out into the back yard, stopping to rest a foot on David's soccer ball. There was a mental trickle of curiosity and a shadow crept up beside him.

"Credit for your thoughts?"

"You sincerely believe we will survive this, Jim?"

"We're not only going to make it, Spock, we're going to make it all the way. I'm trying to get better for you, you're trying to adjust to me, and I'm sure by the time we get to the end we'll be able to laugh about it all." Jim stretched in the sunlight and his shirt rode up, giving a peek of a muscular belly.

"Dad!"

The back door slammed shut, causing Spock to wince slightly, and David leapt down the stairs in one move before running up and kicking the ball out from under Spock's foot.

"Play with me?" David pleaded.

Jim pulled his shirt off and tossed it to the ground. Spock retrieved it and took up his spot in the back of the property, which David had named their 'goal'. The two others began to run back and forth through the yard, kicking at the ball and trash-talking each other. Jim scored the first goal, but David rallied and scored three afterward. Finally, David scored his fourth and Jim fell to his knees with his hands up in surrender.

"Where did you learn to play like that?" Jim panted.

"Father," David explained breathlessly. "He's got some _moves!_ "

Jim laughed and Spock came up and helped him up. Spock looked at Jim with those deep brown eyes and explained, "There are relatively few mathematics in the game. It is all coordination and strength. I am able to participate in this ritual much easier than I am with basketball or tackle football."

"Can you imagine tackling Father?" David asked his dad in amusement. "You'd break your arms!"

Jim grinned at his mate. "Yeah, I tried getting him out of the line of fire once. I broke a rib when I hit him."

"You did _not_ ," Spock corrected him carefully. "You broke your rib when you avoided a kick to the solar plexus and received the blow instead to your side."

"Whatever. Just trust me, your father is impossible to move, literally or figuratively." Jim smacked Spock's shoulder. "We ought to sign you up for wrestling. You could just lie still and pin somebody without trying. And you in a wrestling uniform … _mmm_."

McCoy came out on the back porch. "Jim, you've got a call. I think Spock had better be with you when you take it."

"Sure." Jim motioned for Spock to give him his shirt and follow him, and paused at the porch. "David, keep practicing out here. We'll be back out shortly."


	28. The L Word

Inside, Spock stood in front of the comm, hands clasped loosely in front of him. "I am Spock," he spoke softly.

"I need to speak with Captain Kirk," the woman replied tersely.

Spock stepped aside only far enough to let Jim in camera range.

"You've got me." Jim eyed the screen. "Mrs. Colway. What a pleasant surprise. I didn't realize you performed school business on a Sunday."

"This isn't school business. The social worker says she can't find a reason to pull David out of your home. I bet you think you've won."

Jim smiled. "Mrs. Colway, your dedication to your students is a credit to you. I intend to make sure the school district knows what a jewel they have in you. But you've got to realize, you came in on a very difficult point for our family, and you saw us at our worst."

"If you knew us whatsoever, you would realize we're really a pretty good family. I know we're not the Cleavers, but we work. We both love our son very much, and we'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to take him from us. It's not necessary, and it's not nice." Jim stuck his hands in his pockets and waited for her reply.

She stared at the men for a long time, and then sighed. "Captain Kirk, I have that worker on speed dial. If David even hints that something's wrong, I'll call her so fast your head will spin. Captain Spock, I'm not extremely sanguine with you raising a child with your choice of partner, but you're a good influence on David, so I'm trusting you." With that, she said goodbye and disconnected.

"James," Spock began in a small amount of shock, "you were not overwhelmed in the least. How did you handle that so well?"

Jim shrugged in a depreciating way. "I just told myself she can't hurt me any worse than I can hurt myself. It's something I learned in anger management."

Spock reached a hand out and touched Jim's forearm, and ran his fingers down the tawny skin. "I am so impressed, _t'hy'la_. I am honored to be your bondmate."

"Because I didn't tell her she was a psychopathic bitch and that she could take her investigation and shove it somewhere no man has gone before?"

There was amusement through the bond, and Spock's eyes twinkled. Jim shoved him gently and gestured outside. The two went back outside to play soccer with their son, just enjoying being a happy family for a while.

…

Jim sat at the table, sucking on a frozen yogurt bar, while Spock finished putting the dishes in the cleaner. Finally, the Vulcan sat down as well. McCoy sauntered in and stood in front of them.

"I don't know what to do with you two."

Jim tilted his head and Spock raised an eyebrow, and McCoy continued. "I figured because of your behavior that you were so screwed up it would take forever to straighten you out. But Jimmy's doing marvelous in his anger management class, Spock seems to be more content now that his hubby is doing whatever Vulcan mind voodoo he's supposed to be doing, and David is even calming down. What's a therapist supposed to do when his clients cure themselves?"

McCoy sat down. "So now I want to know why. Why did you let it get to this point, and why did it take a nuclear meltdown for you two to talk?"

Jim laughed. "Bones, on my end, I learned that I got angry really slowly. It built up from my childhood and it just lurked in my life. Sometimes it came in handy, like when I was on the ship and the shit hit the fan and they needed Captain Kirk to save the day. But more often than not, it ended up hurting someone. I just never realized how bad until I almost lost David."

"The drinking thing was sheer stupidity and a childish reaction to losing a dear friend. I've taken steps to assure that won't happen again. And the voodoo you brought up? Spock explained he had been denied telepathic intimacy before, and when I realized I was doing the same thing, I knew I had to let go."

"What about you, Spock? What are your reasons?" McCoy pressed.

"I believe both our statements could be begun with the phrase, _I did not know_. I learned from my mother the practice of holding one's comments and reactions until what she referred to as 'mission critical'. Had I known the endgame in this drama would be the near fatality of our marriage and the loss of our son, I would have spoken to Jim sooner."

"I have learned allowing Jim to indulge in his behavior to excess is more damaging than correcting him when necessary. I have also learned that leaving is not an answer. It merely causes more turmoil and strife."

"Okay, repeat it back," McCoy instructed. It was something he always had them do after they shared.

Jim nodded. "Spock learned as a kid to keep his mouth shut until things blew up, but he's learning now that he doesn't have to wait to say something to me. If I need disciplining, he can do it earlier and gentler. And he doesn't want to consider walking out an option anymore."

Spock straightened. "Jim's anger was a learned behavior as well, and was occasionally rewarded. He was unaware of its destructive power until recently, however he is now aware and attempting to correct his patterns. I must interject, he appears to be succeeding impressively." Spock glanced at Jim. "Jim has taken steps to prevent future alcoholic mishaps and will no longer hide his emotions in our bond."

McCoy beamed at the men. "You see, guys? A week ago you were barely speaking civilly to each other, and I was getting scared. But you got through it, and you've learned the most important lesson of all: to talk to each other. Don't keep it bottled up inside." He stood. "Now, I've got friends I'm meeting in two hours – "

"You've got night plans again?" Jim exclaimed.

"Dr. McCoy, you must allow yourself to rest. You did not sleep last night and I believe your work here has overextended you." Spock looked the man over. "I cannot insist you refuse this invitation, however would you be opposed to resting on our bed tomorrow while we are at work?"

"Jim?" McCoy questioned.

"Hey, that's Spock's sanctuary, and if he's offering, he's serious. He started letting me lie on his bed while we went over reports before we got married and I didn't realize what an honor that is. You've just been graced with the privilege of sleeping on Spock's bed!" Jim grinned enthusiastically at his friend.

McCoy stroked his jaw for a moment and then shrugged. "Thank you, Spock. I'll go rest on your bed tomorrow when I get in from whatever craziness they've got cooked up. I'm very honored."

There was a thundering noise of feet pounding down the stairs and David appeared, a thousand-watt smile on his face.

"Father! I did what you told me and she said she really does love me and she doesn't want to be with anyone else and I told her I would come back as soon as I could but even if I couldn't we'd always talk and then I SAID IT TO HER!" he blurted.

"Did what? Said what to who?" Jim replied.

Spock nodded regally to his stepson. "You have learned the same lesson your father and I have learned. Honesty strengthens a relationship. Congratulations, David."

"Somebody clue me in here?" Jim whined.

The Vulcan turned around. "David had raised concerns about the legitimacy of Ms. Irving's affection, and the veracity of her desire to be in a relationship with him. I urged him to speak honestly with her, to ascertain her motives. Your son has done so, has apparently received pleasing results, and if I understand his last part, has given her his affections officially."

"You said the L word?" McCoy asked the boy.

David blushed. "Yeah."

Jim put a fake smile on his face. "That's great, David. I'm happy for you." He scuffed a tennis shoe on the floor. "You said you'd come back, as in to Riverside? You still want to try to go back with your mom?" A note of disappointment crept into his voice.

"Yeah. Why not? You're afraid she won't take me, aren't you? Well I figured, if I tell Mom how great Jakob is and make him sound super cool like I did with you about Mr. Spock, then she'll let me stay!"

The movement in the room stopped abruptly. Jim looked over at Spock, who had paused in his attempt to rearrange the silverware. Then Jim looked at McCoy, who whistled silently. David was still oblivious as to what had just gone down.

McCoy sidled up to Jim and whispered to him, "You want me in on this one, kiddo, or you want me to make myself scarce?"

"Take Spock in the other room, will ya Bones?" Jim murmured back.

McCoy went and whispered a fraudulent request for help with busy work on the computer. Spock shook his head but McCoy insisted, and finally the Vulcan put down the forks and shut the drawer, walking out of the room.

Jim sat down at the table and snapped his fingers over at David. "Come here, David." His tone was not pleasant. David edged up and Jim leaned against the table with one arm. "You don't fully understand what you just said in front of my husband, do you?"

David knew when Mr. Spock stopped being 'Father' and started being his father's husband, something serious was going on. He stood a little straighter and put his hands behind his back.

"No, sir. What did I say, sir?"


	29. Painful Blows Dealt Verbally

Jim sighed gustily. "Don't 'sir' me; you're being corrected, not punished."

"What did I do?" David asked.

"You hinted that you'd lie about liking Jakob, and then implied you had done the same about Spock. You made it sound like you didn't really like him at first, or possibly that you still don't like him as much as he thought you did."

David's eyes grew. "No, that wasn't what I meant at all! I meant … well, I made Mr. Spock seem cool to you because you liked him so much, but it wasn't that I didn't like him, I just didn't know him. I really did like him that much after a while, and I've loved him for a long time now."

Jim put a heavy hand on his son's shoulder. "David Gregory, I want you to listen to me very carefully, okay? You're going to learn as you get older about this thing called tact. It means knowing when to say something and when to let it slide, and what to say if you do say something. The _tactful_ thing would have been to say you would do what was necessary to get your mother to bring you home, and leave out the part about you being dishonest about Spock."

"Oh."

"But now that _that_ cat's out of the bag, I'll tell you this much. You know how my husband and I can sense each other's emotions?" Jim waited for David to nod. "Well, you hurt my mate. And that kills me, because of all the people, you can get to Spock the easiest. He could handle it from me, he could handle it from Bones, but from _you_ , it hurts him the worst."

David shrank. "I'm really sorry."

"I am too, slugger. I am too." Jim got up and brushed past the boy and into the living room.

Spock was sitting in the recliner, looking out the window. Jim went to McCoy first and silently pointed over to his mate. McCoy pursed his lips and shook his head woefully. Jim sighed and went over to speak to the withdrawn man.

"Hey. Um, you want to watch a video? We can watch _Mr. Holland's Opus_ if you want."

Spock dragged his eyes away from the outside view and focused on his partner. "I would prefer not to watch a film. I will vacate the premises so you may, however." He began to stand, and Jim pressed down on his shoulder.

"Hey. It came out wrong. He wasn't sure of you at first, that's all. He grew to think you were pretty cool, and he says he loves you now. He feels really bad about it."

"He should not. I would be a hypocrite if I were to insist he be honest about all subjects except those which affect me personally. If you will excuse me, I must meditate." Spock got up despite Jim's efforts to hold him down, and stepped around his mate. Jim listened to the steady footsteps up the stairs and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Jim went to speak to McCoy and didn't hear the next pair of feet go up to the second floor.

Upstairs, David paused outside his parents' bedroom door. It was one of the major commandments in the Spock-Kirk household – unless it's an emergency, when the door is closed you knock. It went for both Jim and Spock's room as well as David's room. Well, David was thinking this was probably the closest to an emergency he was going to get unless the house burned down. He turned the knob and slipped in the dim room.

There was a glowing ember in the corner, and the air was just becoming saturated with the scent of sandalwood incense. Spock was sitting facing the corner with his arms crossed over his stomach. His face was turned down and David was about to speak when Spock lifted his head.

"Mother, I do not understand. Every logical part of me insists the child did not mean to wound me as he did, and yet I am angry, and the pain is still there."

He pressed his hands together, then laced his fingers and locked his hands together. David remained motionless by the door.

"When I was small, you would tell me _sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me._ I did not understand then, Mother, and I do not understand now. The words _do_ hurt. James' words, David's words, Dr. Marcus' words, they all hurt. I thought as I grew I would become stronger. Why have I not become stronger, Mother?"

Spock put his face in his hands, and then ran his hands through his hair. It fluttered back into place, with the exception of his bangs. He reached up and brushed them back down and as he drew his hand back down his wedding band reflected briefly and he looked at it, spinning it around.

"Father insists James speaks out of turn, without considering the consequences. At times I wonder if his hurtful comments are not his true feelings unveiled. I am almost certain that is the case with David. Am I that unpleasant to be around, Mother? Have I become what Father was as I grew? Is there any redeeming me now?"

"You're _not_ a bad person," David spoke up softly, and Spock scrambled up. The two faced off across the room, and David's heart was pounding in his chest but he didn't run.

"What were our instructions about entering our room without our permission?" Spock barked.

"This is an emergency. I hurt you and I have to make it better." David rubbed at his eyes because of the smoke in the air. "Does your mother ever answer you?"

Spock slowed his breathing and tried to will down the anger at having his private time observed. "No, my mother does not answer me. She is dead, David. She cannot answer."

"Angels can give you answers," David countered. "Don't Vulcans believe in angels?"

There was a strange noise and David waited for his stepfather's answer. Finally Spock opened his mouth wide a couple of times before responding with a terse, "No, David, Vulcans do not believe in angels." His mouth shut and the noise resumed.

"How can I make it better?" David asked slowly. "I hurt you and I want to make it better."

"I am adequate, David. I do not need your assistance at this time," Spock lied.

The two stood silently for two minutes before there was a knock at the door and Jim stuck his head in. "Hey Spock, are you – David, what are you doing in here?"

David waited for his stepfather to rat him out, but instead Spock gestured to David and replied "David has declared an emergency. We are in the middle of a discussion. May I assist you, James?"

Jim frowned at his son, and then looked at his mate. "Are you grinding your teeth again?"

Spock lowered his head. "I apologize, _t'hy'la_ , I will cease."

"No, babe, it's okay, I just felt it through the bond." Jim crept in. "Can I declare an emergency too?"

"Would you desire Dr. McCoy's presence as well to make our group complete?" Spock snapped.

Jim shut the door behind himself. "Back it down. If I'm coming in on something personal I'll leave. There's no need to become ugly about it."

Spock turned his head to the side and coughed. Jim immediately froze. There were several signals Spock would give as to his emotional well-being. In Jim's memory, the three other times Spock had turned his head to the side and coughed that way were followed soon after by tears. Finally Jim's override kicked in and he guided his son to the door.

"You're on punishment phase until I get out there. No computer, no comm, no iPod. Stay in your room. And I mean stay in your room, not do whatever you want the second the door shuts, got me?" Jim insisted as he opened the door and pushed the boy out. "Go now." Then the door shut.

Jim spun around and hurried to his mate's side. "Easy, Spock. Easy. Let it go." Spock groaned and he began grinding his teeth again. Jim raised a hand to the side of Spock's face and began rubbing a muscle. "Hey, let go, Spock. You'll feel better afterward, I promise."

Gradually, Spock closed his eyes and a tear traced down his cheek. Jim led him to the bed and drew him down, holding him in his arms. " _Shhh_. It's okay. I'm right here," Jim whispered.

"I am not sad," Spock growled. "I am angry. I do not understand why I cry when I am angry!" He scrubbed fiercely at his wet eyelashes.

"Well, you may think you're angry, but the bond says you're hurt too. It's easy to confuse them, babe. Believe me, I've been confusing them for the past thirty years."

Spock shuddered and buried his face in his mate's neck. "He heard me speaking to my mother," he explained through harsh breaths.

"You mean he came in and didn't tell you he was in here?" Jim replied in astonishment. "Okay, _now_ I get why you're angry."

"Had I not been so distracted I would have heard him enter. The fault lies with me."

Jim stroked the soft hair and shook his head. "No, precious, this time it's truly his fault. I won't go apeshit on him, but he's going to have to answer for coming up here, coming in without knocking for an inadequate reason, and then not announcing his presence."

Gradually Spock's tears slowed and he sat up. Jim got up and handed him a tissue, and went in the bathroom to run cool water over a washcloth. He came back and pressed the cloth against Spock's raw eyes.

"Now any other time, I would discipline David myself. But I think it'll be more appropriate coming from you. So think about how you would like to punish him and as long as it's not extreme we'll go with it." Jim waited another couple of minutes, pulled the washcloth away, and peeked. "I can't tell in the dark, so I think your eyes are still pretty bloodshot, but at least you haven't got green rings around your eyes anymore."

Spock touched Jim's face. "Thank you, _ashayam_. May I recommend my punishment for David now?" Jim nodded. "I propose he remain unable to shut his bedroom door for a Standard week. He may change clothes in the bathroom. I believe the loss of privacy will make an adequate impression on him."

"Okay. Sounds good to me. I'm on board and I'll tell McCoy so if he babysits for any reason the kid won't be able to sneak one by on him. Go on and tell him, hon."

Spock stood and crossed the room, walking more confidently than he had before. Jim got up and followed, standing outside David's door and listening in.

"Dad?" David pleaded.

"Nope. Your father and I agreed on this. Lots of kids aren't allowed to close their doors. You've just been really lucky. A week won't kill you."

"Okay," the boy sighed. "If it'll make Father happy."

"It does not please me to have to correct you, David. It is a duty of mine as your stepfather, and I must discharge it properly so you will be a strong individual when you leave us." Spock stood. "I will leave now. Your punishment has begun and will cease next Sunday at eighteen hundred hours."

"When?" David questioned.

"Six at night," Jim answered. "Night, kiddo."

Jim went downstairs and found a note from McCoy saying he'd be back in the morning but after the family would have left for the day. He thanked Spock again for the use of the bed. Jim dashed back up the steps and closed his door. The house fell silent.


	30. Lecture Notes

Jim walked in his lecture hall and smacked the hunched-over Andorian on the back. There was an _oof_ and Jim snickered. The woman stood and crossed her arms, pushing her antennae forward.

"Morning, Ismarella. How was your weekend?"

"I'd thank you to keep your oafish paws off me. You are looking at a future mother."

Jim halted and turned around. "Holy crud, 'rella. You're pregnant?"

"No, Everan is pregnant, what do you think?" she joked, mentioning her husband.

The captain inched back and carefully wrapped his arms around his assistant. "I'm so happy for you. You're going to love being a parent, and you're going to be a great mom, I just know it."

She ran a hand down her trim waist. "Well, I won't be showing for another twenty one weeks, so …."

Jim did the math and compared it to human biology. "Wait, how long are you going to be pregnant?"

"Fourteen months, by the Terran calendar. Oh, pick up your jaw, captain, it's only seven and half months by my time reckoning. It'll pass by quicker than you know."

Jim nodded. "Okay, but I'm getting a second assistant. You aren't to lift anything heavier than a coffee cup and – "

"Captain James Tiberius Kirk, will you stop treating me like some china doll? Female Andorians do manual labor until the beginning of the seventh month of pregnancy, and after that I'm supposed to limit my lifting to fifty pounds or less."

"Well you may be all Andorian, and I won't argue that, but until I get paperwork from Starfleet Medical clearing you for all this 'manual labor' you're touting, you're on Jim Kirk's Light Duty regime. Nothing heavier than a coffee cup. Speaking of which," he ended, blinking rapidly at her.

She sighed. "Alright. Your lecture notes are on the podium." She left to retrieve him his first cup of the day. As she walked out in the hall, she almost ran into Captain Spock, walking toward the lecture hall.

"Good morning, Ismarella. Are you well?"

She snorted. "Your bondmate is about to drive me insane. I mention the fact that I am gestating and he decides I am no longer fit for duty."

Spock nodded. "Congratulations. I presume Captain Kirk insisted that you not lift any object heavier than his coffee mug and then declared you off-duty and implied he would get a second assistant?"

"Exactly. I'm only seven weeks along. It's going to be a long year if he keeps this up."

Spock inclined his head. "I will speak to my bondmate on your behalf, although I suggest the easier route would be to secure printed approval from your physician for you to continue with regular duty. I will warn you, he obtained a wheelchair for one student when she entered her final trimester. For a man most people claim is an 'egotistical, self-centered pig' he is fiercely protective of gestating beings."

"Oh, alright. I'd better go get his coffee before he decides this is too strenuous too. Live long and prosper, Captain Spock." She raised her hand in the _ta'al_.

"Peace and long life, Ismarella."

Spock slipped in the steady stream of cadets entering the hall and stepped back to the edge of the room. In the fourth row, a woman narrowed her eyes at Spock and he locked eyes with her. The cadet was madly in love with Jim, and while she had done nothing untoward yet, she resented Spock's presence around the object of her desire.

Jim stepped up to the podium and the lecture hall quieted. He began his lecture and after a few minutes he turned to face Spock.

"Today we have with us Captain – " he choked out Spock's family name " – Spock, who will be lecturing to you on the position of First Officer and its importance." Jim waved Spock forward and the mass of cadets rose to attention for him.

"As you were," Spock intoned. "My name is Captain Spock, and during my time on the USS _Enterprise_ I was the Chief Sciences Officer and First Officer. I will say this now: taking two positions aboard a ship is heavily frowned upon, and I would not have recommended it for another being. That being said, my lecture to you is concerning one's responsibilities as First Officer."

"The most baffling feature of being a First Officer is knowing when to support your captain and when to object. Most certainly, if lives are at risk, you must object. I will give the following statement once and once only. You must develop a 'gut' as to when to step in and when to obey. You will not be placed in this position without previous experience as you rise through the chain of command, so do not despair that you will not be prepared for your duties."

"I give the following example from my time in this position as a warning. There was a First Contact follow up mission, and we were given very little information. However, one key selection of data stuck in my mind and I became gravely concerned for the safety of the mission. I checked and rechecked the data in question, and I even approached Captain Kirk and spoke of my unease with the mission. We both agreed there was nothing to support my theory and I agreed to the beam down."

"Captain Kirk was gravely injured in the mission, and by seamless teamwork we were able to rescue the landing party and rush Captain Kirk to treatment. However, had I been more insistent with my objections, Captain Kirk would not have been injured and our crewmembers not placed in peril. This is when I realized my internal senses had been correct despite a lack of supporting evidence, and I should have obeyed my first instinct and canceled the mission until we received further intelligence. Thus my previous comment."

Spock lectured for thirty more minutes, and then said, "Are there any questions?"

A hand rose in the back, and Spock gestured for the cadet to stand.

"Do all First Officers marry their captains?"

There was a smattering of laughter and Spock tilted his head, staring at the cadet in question. She shrank back into her seat and Spock put his hands behind his back.

"I will rephrase my glaringly erroneous question. Are there any questions pertinent to this lecture?"

Another hand rose and when the cadet stood he asked a question about insubordination and exactly where the line fell for a First Officer to object to his captain's orders. Spock answered as best he could, allowing for differences in command styles.

After five minutes of questions, Spock turned the class back over to Jim, but before he left he leaned in to whisper a quiet reminder about the female cadet who was shooting daggers at Spock. Jim nodded and smiled sweetly at Spock. The blatantly quasi-romantic interlude lasted a minute and then Spock was out the door and back down the hall to his office.


	31. A Small Setback

He was skimming a text on his padd when the comm chimed. He answered distractedly.

"Captain Spock," he spoke without looking up.

"Captain Spock. I wish this call were social," Mrs. Colway spoke. Spock froze. "We apparently have a new issue with your stepson."

"Has the child engaged in another altercation?" Spock answered with trepidation.

"Not voluntarily," the woman answered. "I figured I'd call you instead of your partner. I don't want any violence over this."

Spock inhaled. "I will utilize the bus system and be at your location in approximately thirty minutes. Is that acceptable?"

"Sure. See you then."

Spock closed the connection and closed his eyes, lowering his head. He resisted the urge to rub his face with his hand and got up to catch the next bus that went past the campus.

When he arrived at the school, he walked into the main office and announced himself to the secretary. She led him back to the principal's office, with which he was rather familiar. Mrs. Colway was sitting at her desk, and when he entered she gestured to the side.

David was sitting in the same chair, the underside of one eye already darkening and a brace on his nose. The nose was still bleeding apparently; he held a cloth to it and checked the bloody mass occasionally.

"David." Spock stood in front of his stepson. "I will follow your father's example. Please divulge what occurred to place you in this condition."

David looked up. "I hugged a girl who was crying and I didn't know she had a boyfriend and he wanted to fight, but I walked away and he jumped me anyway. I didn't fight back, I swear." He held out his hands to show his undamaged knuckles.

Spock frowned and looked at the principal. "Why is he being held in your office and why was my presence required if he did not participate in the offense?"

"His exact words were, and I quote, 'My dad is gonna kill me'."

"A figure of speech, and an overused one at that. His father would certainly not execute him for this offense, and he is aware of this. I am extremely confident that Captain Kirk's behavior would have been completely acceptable this time."

"Then why are you here alone?" Mrs. Colway shot back.

"Do you require a custody holder to take possession of the child at this time?" Spock sidestepped.

She crossed her arms. "Yes. David needs to see a physician. Other students reported he took blows to the kidney region, and since he refused medical and hasn't urinated, we don't know if he's passing blood or not."

Spock nodded. "I will take him to campus medical and let them examine him. David, come along." Spock motioned for his stepson to precede him through the doorway. "Good day, Mrs. Colway."

Spock didn't take the bus back; he called a taxi and the two waited in silence. In the vehicle, Spock asked pointed questions about David's injuries but nothing further. Finally they were dropped off and Spock escorted David to the medical facility, where a nurse took David back while Spock filled out the form necessary.

The Vulcan was sitting patiently in the waiting area when a blue form approached him. "Hello, Captain Spock. Are you okay?"

He raised his head and blinked. "I am well, Ismarella. I am here with another person. And yourself; are you well?"

She growled. "Your bondmate _stopped his lecture_ and made me put down a stack of boxes and made a male cadet carry them into the storage room. I have been here the last hour waiting to get my clearance to work. Don't get me started."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I will obtain a proper xenobiology text before I leave the campus today and show my bondmate the differences between humans and Andorians. He attended classes many years ago, however I believe he utilizes a type of selective recall; he knows the facts yet chooses to ignore them when it suits him."

"That must be fun for you," she remarked sarcastically.

"I am immune solely in the fact that I refuse to allow him to become overbearing with me. If I instruct him not to touch me, I intend that he will not touch me and he is aware of this."

"But you're a captain yourself, and his bondmate. You can do that. What am I supposed to do?" she exclaimed.

"You are always able to utilize the chain of command, however I believe you will be better served by standing up for yourself. He cannot demote you if you are correcting him for – to be honest – sexist and species-based discriminatory behavior." Spock made eye contact with her.

The Andorian stood just a little taller and smiled brightly. "You're right. Thank you, Captain." She hugged her padd to her chest and saluted him. "Peace and long life," she called as she left.

Twenty minutes later, a nurse approached Spock. He stood warily and she guided him back to the exam room. David was sitting on the biobed but hopped up when they entered.

"Hello, sir."

Spock turned his attention to the physician. "Is he injured?"

The man shook his head. "Not that badly. He's going to be pretty bruised for a while, and I've recommended that he take several hot showers in the evenings to ease the pain. He insists he doesn't want pain medicine, because he says you don't take it so he won't either."

Dark brown eyes met with blue eyes. Neither looked away.

"David, I am capable of biofeedback procedures which allow me to control my pain levels. I do not believe you have this capability yet. If you require medication, please utilize it."

"No. You said pain medication is unnecessary and you used a p word and said it was overused."

"P word?" the doctor asked Spock.

"Panacea. It was a private conversation between me and my bondmate regarding the overuse of pain medication in the medical community." Spock looked at the boy. "Had the child been involved in the entire conversation, instead of eavesdropping, he would understand where my objection came in."

The doctor shook his head. "Well, David, that sounds like a very Vulcan mindset about medicine. You're a human, you don't have to follow those views. Do you want the pain medicine?"

David looked down. "Yes, sir."

The doctor handed him a small bottle of pills and put a hand on his shoulder, then he looked up at Spock. "He's ready to go, Captain."

"Thank you." Spock led David down the hall and out into the bright sunshine. "I believe we need to have a discussion with your father," Spock spoke as they crossed the campus.

"Are you mad at me, Father?"

Spock slowed his stride to match the boy's. "I am not angry at you directly, David. I am frustrated with my responses around you and I am even more displeased with the fact that you are being harmed and I am not preventing it."

"No, I mean, are you mad at me about last night? That was really stupid of me. I just wanted to help, and then you started talking and I didn't know if I should say something or just stay there or leave or what. And then you said you were a bad person and I had to tell you that you aren't. You're a very good person."

The pair entered the building that housed Jim Kirk's office and walked down the halls. Spock stopped David and gave him a signal to remain quiet, since classes were still in session. They walked down to one lecture hall and stood outside the doors. Spock watched his husband finishing his discourse and there was laughter at the end. Jim made a gesture and the class chorused an alien answer back that Spock couldn't translate.

As the cadets filed out, some of them were humming a song and Spock closed his eyes for a second in amusement. He knew what the joke was now. He and David walked in the empty chamber and David ran forward to get a hug. Jim stopped him and looked him over.

"You got in another fight?!" Jim cried.

"No, I got beat up. I didn't fight."

Spock stood beside his stepson. "He is telling the truth, Jim. He was accosted because of a misunderstanding, but he did not retaliate." Spock tried to change the subject. "Were you lecturing on the topic of the cinematic production _Men In Black?"_

Jim touched the side of David's face carefully before allowing the distraction to take hold. "I was just lecturing on what the twentieth and early twenty first centuries thought about aliens. What you heard at the end was the worms' answer to one of the MIB's. It's just something I throw in to keep their spirits up. Command track can be so unforgiving!"

"Fascinating. I am certain the admiralty would be impressed with your choice of teaching aids. And along those lines, I require an audience with you in private."

Jim raised his eyebrows and pointed to the hall. "Can you find your way back to my office?"

"Yes sir. I really am sorry, if it helps," David insisted.

"Wait," Jim held the boy up. "This isn't about you, David. If I caught the topic through the bond correctly, your father's about to chew me out for being overprotective of my teaching assistant. We're not talking about you, David."

The boy brightened a little. "Oh, okay." He meandered out of the facility.

Jim turned back to Spock. "Okay, you go first."

Spock nodded. "You are mistaking a gestating Andorian female with someone who is completely incapacitated. Indeed, you often believe any female who is carrying young must be protected to the point of her life being taken over. While you must not force a woman to perform actions which will endanger her or the fetus or fetuses, you also need not prevent her from performing everyday actions of which she is perfectly capable."

"Back off?" Jim summarized playfully.

"Quite so. However, to placate your sense of duty, Ismarella has obtained clearance from Medical to complete her duties until her condition requires her to cease."

Jim grinned. "Okay, then if Medical says I'm being a dumbass, I'll back off." He put his hands behind his back. "My turn?" Spock nodded. "Why did you decide to handle whatever the heck happened to David without me?"

Spock waited a beat, and then started with, "Besides the fact that you have missed enough class time as of late and I was perfectly capable of handling this situation alone, I believed you would prefer not to have an encounter with Jess Colway without time to prepare yourself."

"When have I ever needed time to prepare to speak to someone?" Jim demanded.

Spock inclined his head. "I currently am assigned to all unplanned communications to and from Dr. Marcus at this time."

Jim sucked air in through his teeth. "Yeah, you've got me there." He deflated. "Okay, tell me what happened."

Spock recounted the story as he had learned it from his stepson, and once they had cleared the air as to what had happened with David, Spock told what the principal's reaction had been.

"She wouldn't call me because David said I'd kill him? She didn't really think I'd murder my son over a fistfight?"

Spock opened his mouth and then closed it again.

Jim blushed furiously. "You're right. I walked out last time." He rubbed a hand through his hair. "Okay, let's go talk to the munchkin and see what we can do that won't have him instigating fights _or_ being people's punching bag."


	32. Preparations For Goodbye

In the office, David had picked up a reader and was looking over a text used in his father's class. He could read the words, but they didn't make much sense to him. When his parents entered, he put the reader down and sat up.

"Is everything okay?" David asked quietly.

"Yep. Well, no, actually, we've apparently gone from having a thug as a son to having a whipping boy. This other boy – " Jim held out a hand in request.

"Scott Delachuck," David answered.

" – Scott decided to pound on you and you just took it? I think I misspoke somewhere in my last lecture to you. Fighting isn't an answer, but you're supposed to defend yourself. Even your father will fight back if someone's going to try to beat him up."

"Indeed," Spock answered. "I experienced a frightfully similar set of incidences in my youth. A fellow classmate taunted me about my mother and I attacked him. My father chastised me for the assault and I overcompensated. The next time a classmate wished to provoke me, he found he could not garner a satisfactory response, and instead challenged me to a fight. When he began his routine, I stood still. He proceeded to break my jaw and dislocate my shoulder before becoming disillusioned with the matter and walking away."

"What did you do then?" David asked quietly.

"It was after that instance my father gave me the same style lecture your father has just given. You are not to instigate fights, however you are to do what is necessary to defend yourself from outside attack. Do you understand the parameters as they have been set forth?"

David sighed. "Um, I don't understand the last question, actually."

"Do you get what we're trying to say?" Jim rephrased. "There's a difference between being a bully and being strong for yourself. You have my permission to clock anyone who's beating you up, but only do what's necessary. No more, no less."

"I understand, sir." David thought for a second, and then asked his question. "Dad, when Father beat you up, back when you first met, why didn't you fight back?"

Jim frowned. "I thought I did …."

"You did not," Spock recalled guiltily. "Truthfully, I did not allow for much of any response. I dealt my blows and meted out my anger so quickly you did not have time to answer."

"Babe, remember, no more shame. We both did what we had to." Jim put a quick Vulcan kiss on the back of Spock's hand.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad, Father," David told his stepparent.

"Your father is correct. It is over. And I trust your experience with physical altercations will come to an end as well." Spock checked his chronometer. "I have no further classes at this time. Should I take David home while you are in your course?"

"Maybe I can skip a class," Jim mused, and both his husband and his son said "No!" at the same time.

"If I can't skip ISS, you can't skip your class," David told his father. "But we'll wait for you, won't we Father?"

Spock looked the boy over. "You are not in extreme pain at this time?"

David patted his pocket, making the pills rattle. "If it gets too bad, I'll take the medicine. I promise."

"Very well. I will prepare tomorrow's lectures and David may utilize the computer in my office. We will see you in one point five hours." Spock inclined his head to his mate and the three split up.

David ended up taking a pill anyway and fell asleep half an hour later. Spock removed his uniform jacket and draped it over the boy. He quietly researched the medicine to make sure it was safe, and with nothing else to do Spock meditated for the last half hour.

* * *

"Father?"

Spock opened his eyes and let them adjust to the light. "Yes, David?"

"It's time to meet Dad."

Spock's internal clock told him it was one hour, twenty six minutes since Jim's class had begun. He stood and David handed him his jacket back. Then the two walked back out to the auditorium housing the anger management course.

Jim walked out and nodded professionally to his bondmate, sending a silent signal to remain in duty mode. A moment later, the instructor approached Spock.

"Captain Spock, is it true that you purposely antagonize your partner by speaking your native tongue when you are aware that he cannot translate it all?"

Spock's backbone straightened a little more and his right eyebrow migrated upward. "I beg your pardon?"

The man frowned at Spock. "Your husband tells a story of you using your language skills to circumvent his participation in discussions such as his son's activities or how your marriage is faring."

After a long moment, Spock began to explain. "I believe he is referring to my discussions with my father. It is one of my practices to speak Vuhlkansu whenever possible so my skills do not degrade. As I do not believe he would wish me to lose my native speech entirely, it appears you have encountered a misunderstanding in our home."

"It's just paranoia, Spock," Jim muttered under his breath.

"Then I apologize, Captain Kirk. I did not intend to make you believe I was attempting to hide my discussions with my father from you. I will return to constant Standard to ease your mind."

"No, we'll talk about this later. Let's just go home." Jim walked off slowly and Spock inclined his head to the instructor before following David out of the building.

When they arrived at home, they opened the door to a heavenly smell. McCoy poked his head out and opened his mouth only to shut it again. He gestured to David and all he said was, "Again?"

David blushed. "It's stupid, Uncle Bones. Don't ask."

McCoy nodded, which faded into him shaking his head. "Well I'm fixing a surprise for your daddies and Jim, I've got something for you too. Everyone wash up for supper."

Jim came back downstairs first and hovered in the kitchen doorway. "What's the word, Bones?"

"The word is surprise, and I'd like you to close your eyes." McCoy waited until he was sure Jim couldn't see. "Now, I'm going to hand you a glass." He did so and then he stepped back. "Now, sip at it carefully."

Jim took a sip and began coughing immediately. "Good God, Bones, what _is_ that?" He opened his eyes and stared in wonder at the blue liquid. "Where did you get Romulan ale?"

"I only use it for medicinal purposes," McCoy uttered seriously. Then he smiled. "I left a bottle in your top cabinet," he told his friend as he pointed to above the refrigerator. "Enjoy if you dare." Then he turned around and opened the oven, using an oven glove to pull out a tray of biscuits.

"You give me Romulan ale, you bake dinner … Bones, this sounds like goodbye."

McCoy slipped off the mitt and laid it down on the counter. "Jim, I can't stay forever. You know eventually the Elf Lord and I would kill each other. Plus, your sofa isn't all that comfy after two or three days. And really, Jim," he summed up, "you don't need me anymore. You're okay now. You know I wouldn't leave you if you weren't."

Jim sighed. "I know. But we wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for you. How can we ever repay you?"

"Complete your course. Love your son and your husband with everything you've got. And every once in a while, call me when there _isn't_ a crisis going on, and say hi. You've been my best friend for almost twenty years, Jim. You never have to repay me in any other way."

Jim cleared his throat and blinked back tears. "I can do that."

"Now, go upstairs and collect yourself and then wash your hands. I made the cheesiest lasagna you will ever eat again."


	33. WTF?

Dinner was somewhat subdued. There were occasional whimpers from David if he chewed wrong and his jaw began hurting him; he finished dinner and went upstairs to take a shower to ease his aches. Spock started to clear the table and Jim stopped him silently, shaking his head. Spock left the room quietly, and Jim looked at McCoy with a sad expression on his face.

"Bones, you realize if you hadn't been here, we wouldn't have survived this." Jim pushed the chair back on its back legs.

McCoy pushed a lone pea around, staring at the plate. Finally he looked up and his hazel eyes locked with Jim's cerulean ones. "Jimmy, I swear to God, you've got less faith in yourself than you do in anyone or anything else. You seem to think the worst is out to get you, and worse yet, that you deserve it. Jim, you're not a bad person, and you don't deserve to be hurt. You just make mistakes sometimes, and Lord knows we all do. It's called life, Jim. Welcome to the human race."

Jim brought the chair down slowly and sat still for a while, thinking it over. Then he shook his head. "I think that's the echo of Don, telling me I'm not worth anything and that I asked to be hurt. Maybe between you and me we can get him to go away?"

"I just bet we can, Jimmy boy. And you've got the most wonderful asset of all upstairs."

The blond looked out in the hallway and smiled. "Yeah, I lucked out when I met him." He laughed softly. "Did you know the first thing I told him about was the suicide attempt back in '43? I was waiting for him to berate me the way Carol did, or be angry at me the way Jeneane was. He didn't. He was _frightened_ for me, Bones. He actually understood the ramifications of what I did with no blame involved. I think I fell ten times harder for him that afternoon."

"When was that?" McCoy asked softly.

"That was the day we bonded. It was that morning; we'd just woken up and I tried to drink a glass of water and got sick. He asked why, and I told him."

"When did it get to the point that you didn't speak about these things anymore?" the doctor mused aloud.

Jim got up and finally began clearing the dishes away. "I bet it was when we moved back to Earth. Not that I'd say anything aloud, but the _kid,_ you know? How could I voice issues like that with David around?" He opened the dish cleaner and began sliding the dishes in slots.

McCoy remained silent for a second, rehashing what his friend had told him. He thought about what he would have done if it had been him. If Joanna were in his life and he had such deep issues, where would he have gone? Jim couldn't have done anything. Spock couldn't have done anything. Chapel would have tried to dissect him like an earthworm to see what made him tick, but she couldn't have helped either. If he didn't have a partner to go to, or couldn't go to her as Jim couldn't go to Spock, what would he have done?

"Jim, I think I may have failed you," McCoy began solemnly. When Jim turned around, McCoy shook his head. "I was the only one aware of your psych profile, and I guess when you married Roger Rabbit I thought you'd be okay." He laughed mirthlessly. "Like it would all disappear the second he said 'I do'." He stood up and hooked his thumbs in his pockets. "I should have kept after you, kept you talking, because you wouldn't talk to anyone else about any of it."

"Bones, it's okay," the other man reassured him. "I didn't expect you to be my sounding board for the rest of time. And I didn't think I could tell you about Solion anyway, in case you needed plausible deniability. I trust Starfleet and the great and powerful Admiralty as far as I can throw Spock in a hurricane. I just thought maybe I should do it by myself for a while."

"But then …?"

"But … then I stuffed my feelings, and it worked, and I got by, and I started thinking I was smarter than all this psychology bullshit, no offense," Jim told his friend. "I could be Superdad and the world's greatest bondmate and Teacher of the Year and no one would ever know that I was falling apart on the inside."

There was a noise and Jim turned around to find his husband standing in the doorway. The expression on Spock's face was one of horrible comprehension.

"That is why you blocked the bond. That is why you did not come to me. You were attempting to live some ideal that no being could ever achieve." Spock walked forward and reached out one hand palm up. Jim took his hand, embarrassed at the intimacy with another present.

"James, I became enamored of you before you know how to impress me. I fell for the James T. Kirk who eats steak, drinks Scotch, plays air guitar to Aerosmith, and has a tendency for his first reaction to any given situation to be 'Make me'." Spock tightened his grip on Jim's hand. "Jim, I love you. No matter how many times you fail, no matter how spectacularly you fall short, I will always love you."

There was a motion and Jim turned to see McCoy wiping at his eyes. He faced his spouse and pulled him close, pressing his lips against Spock's.

"I love you, you big lug. Thank you for always knowing precisely what to say."

"I sincerely hope you will continue to utilize Doctor McCoy's skills as a healer of both mind and body to their fullest. It would make me feel more at ease."

"Thanks, Spock," McCoy responded, surprised by the unspoken praise. "Anything Jim needs, I'll do my best. But you know, Fairy King, if _you_ ever need anything, I'd be more than willing to help you too. I may not have pointy ears, but having been in kicking distance of you for so long, I've learned a thing or two."

"Indeed," Spock replied dryly, and it made Jim laugh to see his two closest buddies picking at each other again.

McCoy packed his things and gave Jim a once-over before calling a taxi. David hugged his pseudo-uncle goodbye and the man who knew every secret around, between, and about Jim and Spock left the premises.

Jim played on the computer for a while before getting ready for bed. Spock was right behind him, pausing only to make sure their son was in bed as well. The night went on peacefully.

* * *

Spock woke up at four fifteen, and his first thought was that his mate was in the bathroom. However, after five minutes of no sound in the house, Spock realized his husband had left. He used the bond to request an explanation.

_Running,_ came the cheerful reply. _Thought I'd burn off some of this energy before work._

_How far have you traveled?_

There was a long wait for an answer, and just when Spock was about to repeat his question he heard the front door open quietly. Spock sat up and waited for his partner's arrival.

Jim slipped in the bedroom and beamed at Spock, pulling off his shirt and tossing it in the general direction of the laundry basket.

"Hey, in answer to your question, I did ten kilometers. I just woke up this morning feeling out of sorts, and I remembered you said you wanted me to exercise when I feel like that, so off I went." He took a deep breath and exhaled noisily. "Figured out some stuff on the way, too."

" _Stuff_ such as?" Spock prompted.

"I don't want you to stop speaking your native language to your dad. Granted, I'll probably always be a little paranoid, but I can handle that." Jim pulled off his shorts and tossed them toward the closet before heading to the bathroom. Spock waited in the bedroom for his mate to reemerge.

Jim returned five minutes later, skin damp and hair disheveled. He gestured to the bathroom and went to pull out a clean uniform. Spock got up as bidden and prepared for his day. When he emerged, Jim was gone again. Spock was becoming slightly concerned. If Jim had run ten kilometers, that put him up at almost one in the morning. Why was he not sleeping?

Downstairs, Jim was munching on cereal and skimming the news on his reader. Spock stood in the doorway, observing his mate. Jim didn't look up from the device and was murmuring to himself as he read. Finally there were thunderous footsteps on the stairs and David made his morning appearance.

"Hey, Dad, have you given any thought to when you're going to teach me to drive?" David slid past his stepfather and into the kitchen, going to the replicator and dialing up a plate of eggs.

Jim swallowed his coffee and shook his head. "No, but it's coming up on that time, isn't it? How about we wait for the weekend and go to the track out in the county? I'm sure I can get some time for us there."

"Mmm," David responded. "Hey Father, you want to help teach me to drive?"

Spock took a second to realize the boy was talking to him. "Very well. However, you must understand I do not operate a vehicle often. I may be what you would term 'overcautious'." He was still staring at Jim.

David followed his stepfather's brooding stare and began to scrutinize his father as well. Finally he gave up and ate his breakfast. Ten minutes later he ran out to catch the bus, slamming the door behind him. Spock sighed and got up to open the door and watch David board the vehicle – and also to shut the door properly.

"So, you wanna talk about that staring thing you've got going on, or are we pretending everything's peachy?" Jim snarked as he put his bowl in the cleaner.

Spock inclined his head. "Very well. James, you are a creature of habit. You sleep late, you detest exercise, and you have previously lamented the fact that your only child will soon be an operator of a vehicle legally. And yet you have broken every rule of being James T. Kirk this morning."

Jim shrugged in an exaggerated fashion and checked his watch. "I've got to leave. Are you taking the bus or do you want to come with?"

"You do not have to be at the facility for another forty-eight minutes."

"You can never be too early." Jim grabbed his satchel and opened the front door. "You coming or not?"

Spock felt a warring sensation inside himself. Half of him was becoming annoyed at his husband's penchant for avoiding questions. The other half was becoming frightened at these unexpected and dramatic changes. All of him wished Leonard McCoy hadn't left before this new development had taken place. He collected his messenger bag and exited the house.

In the car, Jim turned on the radio and instantly was enveloped by the ear-splitting sounds of The Bloodhound Gang singing "Bad Touch." The song is clear enough in its intent: _you and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel._ Normally, this was Jim's favorite song and he had it up at this volume the whole way to work.

Today, Jim pressed a button and called for the song "Agnes Dei". As the voices of the boys' choir filled the car, Spock turned fully to stare in shock at his mate. He was listening to Christian music … and singing along! Spock's worry began to outpace his earlier frustration.

Jim parked in the commuter lot, which was half a kilometer away from the school. This was totally unexpected, since Jim had fought for his teacher's pass the first semester they had taught here. Spock got out slowly and watched as Jim armed the car and walked briskly to the grounds.

" _T''hy'la,_ " Spock called while they were still relatively on the outskirts of the student areas. "Please wait."

Jim slowed to a stop. "What's wrong?" he asked cheerfully. Then he produced a phaser and aimed it at his own head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Now before you all go crazy on me, I ask you this: what are the chances I'd let this happen in the story? Something more is going on here. Stick with me on this one. Have faith. All will be revealed. :) I have to go away for the weekend and I won't be able to post so I thought this would be a delightfully evil place to pause. You may kill me in your comments. ;)


	34. Relief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So okay, how many of you did I lose with that little maneuver? I hope not any. I'm not getting any feedback either way, so I'm going on with the story. Feel free to drop me a line and tell me how you're liking (or disliking) the story!

Spock sat up in bed, trembling violently. His sheets were slightly damp with sweat; his face was damp with tears. In the bed beside him, a foot slid over and caressed his calf lazily.

"Y'kay?" Jim mumbled in the crook of the arm he had thrown over his face in his sleep. Spock continued to slow his breathing and before he knew it, his partner was snoring again. Apparently the dream hadn't passed across the bond. For once, Spock wished it had. He could use a little reassurance after that monstrosity.

There was a snort, and the arm came down. Sleep-crusted blue eyes opened and blinked in the darkness before Jim reached out and turned on the light beside him.

"Hey, was it really bad?"

Spock nodded, not trusting himself to speak yet. Jim scooted himself into a sitting position and began to rub Spock's back softly.

"Okay, so how bad?" Jim posed. "Who died?"

"You," Spock whispered.

Jim laughed in a depreciating way. "Okay, nothing new there. How'd I bite it this time?"

Spock closed his eyes and the image of the phaser inches from dream Jim's temple was still clear in his mind. "You took your life utilizing your phaser." He paused before continuing. "That was not what disturbed me so greatly, _t'hy'la_. You were making all the changes we had discussed and then some, but you must have been extremely disquieted by your new life. It was not until I saw you raise the phaser that I realized I had asked too much."

By this time Jim had awakened fully and was looking at his husband with amusement in his eyes. "Spock, I swear to God, you've got to get over your fear of me taking my life. One attempt does not a pattern make. And if the changes 'disquieted' me that much, I'd tell you to fuck off and go back to being me. I wouldn't incinerate myself." Jim reached out and rubbed Spock's bare arm.

"Will you say it again?"

Jim smiled. "If you piss me off, I'll tell you take a flying leap and go about my business. I'm not going to take my life, Spock. Now, do you think can go back to sleep or are you up for the morning? We could take a run together," Jim suggested and felt horror through the bond. "...or not. It was just an idea. What do you want, baby?"

Spock lay back down and pulled his afghan higher around his shoulders. Jim understood the quiet request and shut off the light before he scrunching back down and scooting over until he was plastered to his mate's side.

"I love you, you incredibly intelligent dumbass. Go to sleep," Jim uttered playfully and ran a hand down Spock's face to force him to close his eyes. "Sleep, baby. It's okay," Jim whispered softly.

* * *

When the alarm went off three hours later, Spock was groggy for once. Jim shut off the device and stretched under the covers.

"Unnnghhh, you think we can call in sick and play hooky?"

Spock almost smiled. "That would leave Ismarella in charge of your class. Would you do that to her in her condition?"

Jim sat up abruptly. "Jeez, no, thanks Spock, I'd almost forgotten. Shower first, last, or together?" A certain part of Jim's anatomy had already voted on the question and Spock ignored it.

"Jim, Ismarella is capable of handling your class schedule for one day. She is also capable of asking for help should she encounter the rare obstacle she cannot overcome on her own. Reynald would appreciate the opportunity to handle my students in a more authoritative fashion. Or …." Spock paused dramatically.

"Or?"

"Or we can request our TA's take our class schedule and observe them from the students' point of view. It would be an excellent guide as to how we may further our TAs' education and preparations to become instructors in their own time."

"You mean without telling them?" Jim exclaimed.

"Affirmative. It will take some ingenuity on my part to appear as other than myself, however you may blend in with your students quite easily." Spock watched the plans hatching in his mate's eyes. "You approve of this suggestion?"

"Hell yeah, dude! This is going to be _awesome!"_ He scrambled out of bed and began rifling through his wardrobe to find something appropriate. "I haven't got a cadet uniform. Do you think they'd loan us one for today?"

"The odds are – "

Jim snapped his fingers and shushed his husband. "Never quote the odds to a Kirk." Jim felt a stirring in the bond and smiled. "You like that? You like me asserting myself? Let me show you how much I can assert myself," he remarked as he slid out of his boxers and crawled across the bed. "Gotcha," was the last word spoken for the next thirty minutes.

The two men traveled to the school early to speak to the quartermaster about their plans. It was a crime for a cadet to impersonate an officer; no such restriction existed the other way around. Properly dressed, they decided to switch classes for half the day and then switch back at lunch.

Spock snuck into Jim's class and averted his face as he passed perilously close to Ismarella. He sat in the fifth row on the inside edge. None of the students seemed to even register his existence; the student body as a whole was usually asleep on its feet at this hour. Spock made a mental note to speak to Jim about switching the schedule so a less-intensive class was at this hour.

Ismarella quieted the class and announced her role as instructor that day and began the lesson. She did pretty well; she spoke a touch too fast, which was probably cultural. Spock still made a note of it. She knew the cadets by name, and knew enough that when one cadet fell asleep she could call out in the man's native language for him to wake up. Spock was, on the whole, impressed.

Jim had no problem infiltrating his husband's class. He was itching to ask Reynald a question but didn't dare open his mouth for fear of giving himself away. He waited for the programming assignment to be given and then sent in his question via text. Reynald answered it easily and went on to expound on the principle behind the rule. Jim was thoroughly impressed. Reynald didn't know all the students' first names, but that was forgivable since Spock only referred to the students by their last name or equivalent thereof. If he were grading the man, Jim would have given him an A minus, which was quite a compliment.

The pair snuck into Spock's office at lunch and locked the door, collapsing (or sitting) in chairs and commiserating on the strain of passing as a cadet for a day.

"Dude, I almost asked Reynald a question out loud," Jim told his mate. "You figure after two years of fielding my calls, he would know my voice right away."

"I understand. Ismarella came dangerously close to recognizing me midway through the lecture. I had to lower my face when her gaze came to my section of seating so she did not see me and discover my duplicity."

Jim laughed. "We're really stinkers for doing this, you know that, right?"


	35. Challenge Accepted

They finished lunch and traded classrooms. Spock was recognized by one of his students, however it was only one and she swore to keep his secret for the day. Jim skated by unnoticed, as he had in the morning. It might have helped that he didn't look that different from the real cadets.

Ismarella had to field two separate questions from one cadet in particular (Jim's unwanted paramour) as to Jim's whereabouts. When the question was posed a third time, Ismarella snapped that he was with his bondmate where he belonged, and Jim almost stood up and applauded. He made a note to buy her a really extravagant gift for that maneuver. He also made a note to speak to Cadet Psych Services about the cadet's obsession. It had been a semester now; she should have gotten over it. What did he have to do, French kiss Spock in front of her to get his point across?

Reynald was full of surprises for Spock. He really knew his material, quite possibly even more than Spock did. He knew several shortcuts, and he also knew ancient history about computers of old, talking to the cadets about static straps and days of rebooting every six hours to refresh the RAM. He was encouraging to the students, and on the whole seemed to have opened up without Spock there. It kind of made Spock a little sad; he didn't think he was that intimidating to his TA. Spock made a rather large note to begin encouraging Reynald to speak up more often and to show more praise to the young man.

Jim wanted to announce their presence at the end of the day, but Spock vetoed him, saying it would only make the students paranoid and ruin any chance to make subtle changes based on what they had observed that day. They slipped out and made their way back to Jim's office, where they changed into their street clothes and walked out to Jim's anger management class.

"Captain Spock?" the instructor called hesitantly. When Spock wasn't in uniform, unless you were expecting him he fit in quite nicely with the rest of the Vulcan population. Spock turned around and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say.

"Could you speak to the class about how you handle your temper?" the man asked politely. When Spock raised his eyebrow the instructor continued, saying, "Your husband speaks very highly of your control. I would like to hear how it works."

Spock turned to his spouse and spoke silently _David will be left home alone. Do you wish me to decline?_ Jim shook his head and sent a text to David letting him know the change in plans. Spock inclined his head and murmured, "Very well," and followed them into the class. When called upon he stood and went to the front of the room.

"I must first clear a misunderstanding resulting from my mate's choice of words. I do not _not_ get angry. Indeed, frequently it takes a great feat of strength not to make a cutting remark to certain individuals. Outside my professional capacity, I have been known to be rather dry and sarcastic. However, it is my goal to be as patient and understanding as I can with all beings, because what may be easy for me to see may be difficult for another to comprehend."

"That being said, how I control my temper is a relatively simple plan of deep breathing exercises coupled with mantras I have been taught since childhood. One of the easiest to remember is _In anger I give away my control. In peace I regain it._ I say this phrase until the urge to say or do something inappropriate has passed."

Spock almost smiled and continued, saying, "I also have two people I can confide in when I feel the urge to do anything drastic – my spouse and my personal physician. I do believe that 'no man is an island' and that I operate better with 'backup', to use my mate's lexicon."

Then he sat back down and folded his hands in his lap, appearing for all intents and purposes to be the living definition of patience and grace.

"Yeah, but he's a Vulcan!" one cadet lamented aloud, and several others voiced their agreement.

"Have you ever seen a Vulcan lose his temper?" Jim asked the cadet who spoke first. When the redhead answered no, Jim gave an exaggerated shiver. "Good God, you do _not_ want to be on the receiving end of a Vulcan tantrum."

"James," Spock murmured under his breath in reproach.

"No, seriously, he kicked my ass up and down the bridge, then he held me down and throttled the life out of me. Vulcans practice peace, that doesn't mean they can't kick the shit out of you at a moment's notice!" Jim reached up and touched his neck in memory of the hand wrapped around it 14 years ago.

"I have triggers, as do many species and races, Captain Kirk. How many times since that instance have I lost my control in front of others?"

"Good point. He hasn't ever done it again."

The class went on for another hour, and Spock felt he had learned a great deal during his stay in the group. When they left for the evening, the instructor thanked Spock again and commented that Jim was basically his star pupil and was doing excellently.

In the car, Spock asked "How many more classes do you have to attend, _t'hy'la?_ "

Jim calculated for a second. "Fifteen. No – fourteen. No, no – fifteen. Yeah. Fifteen."

"Is that your final answer?"

"Hey, kiss my ass, Regis Philbin. Yes, that's my final answer." Jim sped up a little and Spock made a noise in the back of his throat in protest. "I know, I know, speed limit. Stupid rules and regulations." He slowed back down again.

When they arrived at their house, they discovered they weren't alone. Jess Colway was sitting on their front porch, talking to David. Jim bristled and Spock closed his eyes momentarily in frustration. Jim parked in the driveway and got out slowly, trying to catch the conversation before walking up with a false smile on his face.

"Hey, David, were you okay by yourself? Did you call Mrs. Colway to come over?" Jim asked pointedly.

"I'm fine. No, she showed up half an hour ago. I wouldn't let her in the house so she asked me to come outside. I didn't want to be rude," David explained. "She's just asking questions about how often I'm home alone and things like that. I was telling her about how I used to come here on the shuttle by myself and how much you trusted me even back then."

Jim flushed and gestured to the boy. "This is the first time he's been alone in the evening. We figured, he's fourteen, he can handle it. He'll be responsible for himself soon enough. What do you want, Jess?" he snapped.

She smiled in a completely evil way, and for a moment, the image of the Grinch flashed through Jim's mind.

"Just wanted to remind you of my … _dedication_ … to the child and that my eyes will be on you for the next two years. Until David leaves the so-called sanctuary of this household and enters the real world, I will be on you. Just try me, Captain Kirk."

"Jess Diana Mathews Colway," a deep voice tolled from behind Jim, and he froze in recognition of both the voice and the _tone_ of voice.

"You will cease harassing my mate and my child, or you will bear the full weight of my anger. I suggest you do not test me on this. I have powers far outreaching yours, and people at my disposal who can guarantee you do not bother my line again. I will say now for the record, please leave my property. You are not to return to my domain again. Good day, Mrs. Colway."

Jim felt goosebumps break out all over his arms as Mrs. Colway gathered herself and walked primly to her aircar, getting in without a word and driving off. David looked at his stepfather with big eyes, and Jim refused to make full eye contact in the most primitive of acceptances.

Spock of Vulcan stood in his front yard, head held high and a gleam in his eyes that promised trouble for anyone who dared cross him. There was deafening silence in the wake of his declaration.

Finally, Jim came and wrapped an arm around David, guiding him inside. He shut the door behind them and whispered to the boy for him to go upstairs and start his homework or comm Bridget or anything, so long as it was quiet and in his room. Jim opted to begin preparing supper for the three. Every once in a while, he would look out the window in the kitchen and wonder what was going on out there, and more specifically in his husband's mind.

Spock had never claimed a dominating role outside of _pon farr_ , the Vulcan mating ritual that occurred every seven years. Jim understood when this happened, he was to be as passive as he could stomach, which sometimes wasn't that much. However, he had never been put in the position outside of the ritual, and it was slightly disconcerting. Naturally, if Spock were able to get Jess Colway (and CPS by proxy) off their backs, it would be worth it, but still … it was unnerving.

The front door opened and Jim lowered his head, focusing the edge of his vision to the hallway. Spock walked in slowly and stopped at the kitchen.

"Yes, Spock, may I do something for you?"

Spock shook his head. "Jim, I apologize. I should not have become possessive with you and David present. Are you well?"

Jim risked looking up and over at his mate. "Yeah, hon, I'm fine. David's fine too. What happened out there, anyway?"

Spock tilted his head and thought about it for a moment. "I believe Mrs. Colway's not-so-subtle threat to dismember my family unit caused something primal in me to rise up, and I found myself challenging her as I would a threat to my clan had this been matriarchal Vulcan 6,000 years ago." Spock lowered his head in memory. "I recalled data about her I had only seen in passing, and facts that I had gathered from sitting in her office during the incident previously involving David. I felt I could defend us against any threat from her, because 'to know one's enemy is to know one's power'."

Jim nodded at the quote in the end. He remembered Spock's father Sarek telling him that during a history lesson given over the years. It was one of the more passive-aggressive quotes that Jim recalled. It had to have been old; most of Surak's quotes were about peace and understanding, not fighting.

"Are you okay? Do you feel alright?" Jim asked gently.

Spock walked further in, all the way up to his mate and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"I would appreciate it if you accompanied me upstairs."

Jim didn't have to be told twice. He set the food to stay warm and the two went upstairs. David was talking to Bridget on the comm and Jim peeked in the room before going in his room and shutting the door.

"We have to be quiet," Jim whispered to his husband as he unbuttoned his shirt.

"I _am_ quiet. I … am not … the vocal one … of the pair," Spock protested softly between kisses.

"Hurry up," Jim groaned.

"I shall."


	36. Remembering

Jim passed the green beans to David, who took some and offered them to Spock. Spock declined and set them down across from Jim. The three continued eating in painful, heavy silence. Forks touching plates was the only sound.

After a while, David laid down his fork and wiped his mouth. "May I please be excused?"

"You don't want dessert?" Jim exclaimed.

David had a strained look on his face, and finally the pressure broke him and he caved. "Dad, look, you've got a hickey, okay? And I'm not seven anymore, I know it's not a bruise and I know how you got it and thanks to health class, I know what you were _doing_ when you got it. Can I please leave now?"

Spock was just about as pale as a ghost and Jim was beet red. "Um, sure, kid, go on. Um, I'm sorry?" Jim tried.

David turned around again with a small smile. "Dad, two of my friends' parents just got divorced in a really nasty battle and I saw their families fall apart. If the worst I have to endure is my parents getting it on because they're still madly in love, I think I'm coming out ahead in the game. It's cool, Dad. Don't sweat it."

He lumbered up the stairs and Jim turned back around to face his horrified partner. "So, uh, where'd you get me this time?"

Spock raised his eyes and searched Jim. "It appears I was slightly above my typical placement. It is only visible because the shirt you are wearing has a worn collar." He finished his meal in silence, but Jim could feel Spock's embarrassment fading away, to be replaced with an odd pride that David at least realized his parents loved each other.

As they cleaned the dishes, Jim bumped into Spock on purpose and the two stopped. Spock looked at Jim fondly and Jim smiled that one smile he used to give Spock on the ship, when they were just friends but wanting to be so much more.

"Do you remember how it all began?" Jim murmured.

"I remember asking you to join me for winter break," Spock replied just as softly.

"Do you remember the look on your dad's face?" Jim chuckled. "God, he wanted to faint, but he couldn't because you were right there. Of all the people you had to bring home, you picked me."

"My father adjusted to the fact rather well, and I believe by the time you and I had bonded he was accepting of my choice. He _did_ leave us use of the house for the day of our bonding, if you remember."

Jim laughed. "The honeymoon. That wasn't awkward, not in the least," he joked.

"And then there was Tirealla." Spock spoke the name with disgust.

Jim put the last dish away and straightened slowly. The name could still evoke a great deal of anger in him. That mission had singlehandedly derailed Jim's faith in Starfleet, and had done nothing to endear Spock to the admiralty. Both careers had teetered in the balance before Admiral Christopher Pike had stepped in and reassured them they were still needed and valued, and basically begged them to stay.

"Jim?"

Jim's jaw clinched and for a second he was back in the trial, hearing all the ridiculous accusations Jeanne-Marie Cooley had brought forth to try to cover her tracks. It didn't work; the judge ruled in Jim and Spock's favor and she was sent packing. But it seemed like for every Jeanne-Marie he took down, there were twenty Jess Colways waiting in the background.

"James, please," Spock remarked in frustration. "That is well behind us, and we have fought our foes as we always have – shoulder to shoulder, side by side. They cannot win, because they cannot defeat us. I am strong, but my mate is the very powerful James Tiberius Kirk, and I know with his help I cannot lose."

"Oh, God, I love you," Jim breathed as he pulled Spock into a rough embrace. "You're the reason I get up every morning and try again."

The two stayed in each other's arms and above, on the staircase, David watched surreptitiously. He had meant what he told his parents – in a time when his friends' families were self destructing, it was nice to know his little home unit was still going strong. He got up and returned to his homework.

Night fell in the Markview community. The skies were sparkling above, and somewhere in the heavens, a shooting star lit up the night. The lights went off, one by one. The day ended.

* * *

Jim was halfway through his run when he heard footsteps approaching him from behind. He wasn't going at any major clip, so he eased off the road to let the next person pass. Instead, Spock appeared at his side.

"I had something I wished to discuss out of our son's presence," Spock began calmly, as if he weren't running a six minute kilometer.

Jim sucked in a deeper breath and nodded. The two fell into step together.

"David is of an age where he is curious about the world and how instances come about, and seeing as it is _your_ area of expertise, should you revisit your 'birds and bees' discussion?"

Jim groaned, and not from exertion either. "You really think it's time to get into the specifics? What about health class? Didn't they already cover everything in gory detail?"

"James, should a young man not have this discussion with his father, or at least his mother, before he begins to experiment on his own?"

"Who gave you another Talk?" Jim asked crossly.

"My mother did, when I was fifteen," Spock answered primly. "As a teacher, she was prepared to handle any questions I might have had and could approach the topic with a firm but loving attitude."

"What was your mom's take on it?" Jim panted as they turned around in front of the playground.

There was silence. Then Spock coughed, but this time it was embarrassment choking him. "My mother informed me that contrary to anything other Vulcans would tell me, sex felt good and that was why beings all over the galaxy did it. She told me I was not capable of creating a child but that did not excuse me from using protection, because diseases were still prevalent. And then she told me about the joy of waiting for the right person, marriage or no, before entering into that act."

Jim was nodding. "That sounds really good. I wish Lady Amanda was here to walk me through this. She sounds like she knew exactly what to say."

"Will her son do?" Spock replied softly.

Jim turned his head quickly. "You'd do the sex talk with me?"

"I do not believe I am as ashamed or embarrassed anymore. It was more difficult when he was a young child. Now that he is on the verge of manhood, I believe we may interact differently."

Now it was Jim's turn to be embarrassed. "My little boy's almost a man. Where did the time go?"

"He still has many milestones to experience before he leaves your care, Jim, and regardless of his age, he will always be your son."


	37. The Boys Take A Day Off

The two finished their run and went upstairs to get ready for their day, and they noticed the light was already on in David's room. Jim stuck his head in the room, knocking out of courtesy.

"Hey Dad," David panted. He had his feet hooked under his bed and was doing situps. He was counting under his breath, and was coming up on 100. He collapsed backward at the end and wiped away the sweat gathering on his brow and upper lip. Jim noticed that there was hair developing on his upper lip and chin; he'd have to start shaving by the next summer.

"So, uh, how'd you like to play hooky today?" Jim started.

David sat up and frowned. "What is it?" he demanded crossly.

"What is what?"

"No, answering a question with a question isn't an answer. You don't let Father do it, you can't do it either. What's wrong?" he rephrased.

Jim dug the toe of his shoe into the carpet. "Nothing's wrong, really. Your old man just wants some quality time and has decided this momentous occasion should occur right this instant, not Saturday."

"You know Father says you have impulse control issues and that you're addicted to instant gratification more than caffeine or sugar combined." David got up and got his clothes ready for his shower.

"Will you stop ganging up on me with your father?" Jim whined. "I just want to see my baby boy."

David laughed softly. "Has Starfleet figured out time travel yet? Cause your baby boy is back in 2261."

"When you get your security clearance, I'll answer that question. And my little boy is my little boy whether he's just figured out how to aim for the toilet properly or he's performing math calculations that stump his parents." Jim came in and shoved David's shoulder gently. "Can we just hang today?"

David searched his father's eyes. "Dad? Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Jim assured him quickly. "I'm fine. I just want to talk with the man living in my son's room before it gets too late."

His son relaxed a little, but then furrowed his brow. "What man?"

Jim led his son out of the room and into the bathroom and then ran a finger across his son's chin and upper lip. The motion across the downy fine hair tickled David and he snorted.

"That man. The man who's going to be shaving next year. The man who's got a steady love, albeit across the continent. There used to be two men and a boy living here. There are now three men in this house, and in recognition of this fact, Spock and I want to spend a day _mano-a-mano_ with you."

David blushed. "You really want to have a guys-only day with me?"

Jim backed out of the bathroom with his thumbs held aloft. "See ya when you get out."

When David emerged, he was grinning wildly. He pounded down the stairs and slid into the kitchen, where Spock was reading something and Jim was sipping his first cup of coffee of the morning.

"What's first?" David asked breathlessly.

"First? We're hitting the mall and getting new clothes. Something sharp."

David looked uncertainly at his ripped blue jeans and baggy t-shirt. "What's wrong with the clothes I have on?"

"Do you sincerely wish an answer to your query?" Spock murmured, not looking up.

"Oh, come on, Father, you didn't even see what I have on!"

Spock touched the screen to pause the data stream and looked up. "You are clothed in the same general outfit you have worn for the past year. I did not need to see to know what you were wearing."

"Says the man who's worn an Oxford shirt and khakis my entire freaking _life,_ " retorted the teen.

"I have not."

"Have too."

"I have not."

"Have too!"

"HEY!" Jim hollered. The other two fell silent and Jim cleared his throat. "We're getting you dress clothes and that's final."

"Yippee," David grumbled.

Spock looked at David for a long moment, and then put his padd down. "Jim, I believe the young man does not wish to change his attire. If this is truly to be a men's day, he should have a say in its itinerary."

" _Thank_ you, Father."

Jim leaned back and took a long drink of his coffee. "Fine. What do you want to do, David?"

David looked at the floor for a moment, then a huge grin broke out on his face and he looked up. "Let's go somewhere there are chicks!"

"Objection," Jim spoke up. "You're dragging two men who are married to each other along with you while you cheat on your girlfriend. Not cool, dude."

"It's not cheating if I don't do anything but look, right?"

"What is it they said in that movie? ' _Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't inhale'_? _The Devil's Advocate_. Great movie. You ought to watch it someday. But anyway, I think your father would have words with you about your definition of fidelity if you did that."

"I'm not married yet!" David protested. When nothing but silence met his pleas he shrugged. "Okay, chicks are a no-go. How about skateboarding?"

" _We_ could do that," Jim conceded. "What would Spock do?"

David thought about it for a good long while, and then cracked up. "Father can try to predict our injuries based on probabilities of falls and rate of speed and stuff like that!"

Spock raised an eyebrow. "That is a fascinating, if not somewhat morbid, choice of activity. I presume you will have standard gear on? Helmets, knee and elbow pads, mouthguards, et cetera?"

David groaned. "I will seriously kick the next kid who asks how I survive without a mother."

Jim smirked at Spock. Clapping his hands, he pointed to the coffeemaker. "If you want to try coffee again, go right ahead."

David frowned and shook his head. "I remember what it tasted like when I was a kid. It's nasty. Got anything stronger?" he hinted with hope.

There was a silent discussion between Jim and Spock and Jim sighed. "Not yet, kid. Give it to eighteen and I'll sit and hit the bottle with you then. But there _is_ something on me and Spock's itinerary."

"What?"

"We'd like to have a talk with you." Jim had David sit down and they began the discussion with honesty and bravery. David began to relax in the peer-to-peer atmosphere and asked some questions he had been hiding in his mind. Nothing he asked was too embarrassing or silly; Jim answered most of them but Spock chimed in on a couple. When David finally indicated he was comfortable and his questions had all been answered, Jim sat back and smiled.

"That's really cool, Dad, I appreciate you answering my questions, but how do I explain to people that I'm waiting because I don't want to be a father before I'm ready?"

Jim shrugged. "Just like that. It doesn't embarrass me or hurt my feelings that your life with me has colored how you want to live your adult life. I know it wasn't the greatest life, but I love you so much and I would endure the worst fights imaginable just to have you in my life."

David colored and looked down. "Thanks. Hey, is there an R rated movie I can watch now? Would you rather do that?"

Spock tilted his head and Jim rubbed his chin. "Well, you haven't seen any of the _Saw_ movies. We could start that, but that leaves your father out, because he'll barely watch the movies with _me_. But there are other movies. Oh, there's a great classic called _Alien_ that I think you'd like. There's a woman in there – Sigorney Weaver – who's hotter than blazes. How about that? Fictional chick and a movie?"

"Okay!" David chirped. The three ate breakfast and Jim called David's school to let them know he was staying home that day. When they were all ready, Jim cued up _Alien_ and they began watching.


	38. A New Threat

Halfway through the movie, David pressed pause and then the information button. "Oh," he exclaimed. "The 1900's. I was wondering when they thought aliens looked like that."

Jim swallowed his popcorn and shook his head. "Kid, I've seen some species that look almost that bad. And it's all subjective anyway – you realize Tellarites think we're butt-ugly and there's one race I met that thought we were some form of larvae and were like unformed worker bees sent to take over their colony."

Spock nodded. "Thankfully we had basic anatomy texts available to illustrate immature humans versus mature humans and could prove we were adults. However, two issues arose: we could not assure them enough that we were not sent to colonize them, and they were concerned about me, because my ears and eyebrows did not look the same. They mistook me for the group's leader and attempted to execute me."

David swallowed. "How'd you get free?"

Jim laughed. "We staged a fight where the group 'beat up' Spock and I took control and became their friend. Spock had to lie still the whole night while we worked out a treaty and then we told them we would rehabilitate Spock so he wouldn't take anyone over anymore and left."

"But that's not fair! Father wasn't a bad guy!"

"It was necessary," Spock informed his stepson. "When diplomats arrived later and began teaching the people about the Federation and its members, they would have educated them, and along the way they would have discovered I was a Vulcan and bred to peace, not conquering."

"Father, am I naïve for thinking aliens can be our friends and that they shouldn't be feared?"

Spock closed his eyes briefly and Jim reached across the back of the sofa to rub his shoulder.

"David, I feared you would be xenophobic – frightened or disgusted by aliens – when I first met you. I had even contemplated attempting to portray myself as human when I met you, to prevent an unpleasant scene." The corner of Spock's mouth lifted. "What met me instead was an enthusiastic four year old who attempted to greet me in my native fashion and thought I was, and I quote, 'cool'."

"You're not naïve, David," Jim explained. "You're open-minded, just like me. You believe beings should be judged for who they are, not for what they are. And from what I've seen, you're like that across the board – sexuality, ethnicity, species, gender, religion, family unit, good God, you name it – you don't care. You're friends with everyone."

David grinned at Jim and then Spock. "Thanks, Dad. And thank you, Father, for believing in me enough to be yourself when we met. I still think you're pretty cool. Especially when you play soccer. Then you're really cool."

Spock straightened a little and Jim cracked up. "Yeah, that's right, stroke his ego. He so rarely hears how awesome he is," Jim commented.

They finished the movie and David left to go upstairs for a moment. Just as he was returning, the comm station chimed. David answered it and frowned.

_"Is Captain Kirk there?"_

"One moment," David replied, and motioned for Spock to come to the station. David had been taught from an early age if there was a suspicious call to route it to his stepfather first.

"This is Captain Spock, may I assist you?"

She stammered and disconnected rather quickly. Jim knelt backward on the sofa and called out, "Who was it, babe?"

Spock had to unclench his jaw before he could answer. "That was the cadet of which I have repeatedly complained and you have declined to take action. James, she has your comm listing now."

Jim dropped his head onto the back of the sofa and David sighed. "Now what?" the boy whined.

Jim raised his head. "Hey, David, go play a couple of rounds of chess on your computer. I need to talk to your father." When the boy left, Jim held up a hand. "Hon, I know you're really pissed right now, and I would be too – "

"James, she has your comm listing. What is to deter her from discovering your home address next?"

" _WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?_ " Jim bellowed. He cleared his throat with a cough and looked up at the ceiling. "I've told her I'm married, I've told her I'm gay, I've told her I have a son who's almost as old as she is, and I've told her outright to stop. What else am I supposed to do?"

Spock walked over to the sofa and laid his hands on the edge of the back. "Report her to Psychological Services, Jim. She is clearly disturbed and at best should not be bothering you, but most importantly she should most clearly not be in Starfleet. Get her help while she still can benefit from it."

Jim nodded numbly and Spock reached up to trace a finger down the side of Jim's face. " _Ashayam_ , you are not in this alone, and you are not the one in the wrong. Call Psychological Services."

Jim scooted backward off the couch and put his hands on his lower back, arching it to relief some of the tension, and then walked confidently up to the comm station. He dialed the number and sat down. When it was answered, he requested to speak to a counselor and once he was connected to one he told the gentleman (a Vulcan, what luck!) his problem and explained what steps he had taken and asked for help.

" _Has she made any threats to you at this time?"_ the man asked Jim.

"Uh, no."

" _Has she violated your personal space in the past 48 hours?"_

Jim shook his head but Spock spoke up from the sofa. " _T'hy'la_ , she accessed your communication station from your office."

"Oh, well, she's been in my office when I'm not there, but I let my TA in there all the time, so I guess that doesn't count." Jim fidgeted with his wedding band.

" _Has she left any written or video communication with you?"_ the Vulcan continued tonelessly.

"No," Jim sighed.

The man on the other end put down his padd and looked into the screen. _"I understand your frustration with her unwanted attention, Captain Kirk, however she has not done an action which would require us to intervene at this time. Keep in mind – threats, physical proximity, written or video communication. Should this situation escalate, you may revisit your request at that time."_

"That's it?" Jim exclaimed uneasily. "She just gets to do whatever?"

" _Threats, physical proximity, physical evidence of communication. In the meantime, Captain Kirk, may we see you at your earliest convenience?"_

Jim blinked. "Um, I'm not coming in today. I'll be in tomorrow. What's going on?"

" _We have received a request for evaluation for you. I estimate the process to take one hour, seven minutes. You will comply tomorrow?"_

"Yeah, tomorrow. Peace and long life," Jim ground out, raising his hand in the _ta'al_.

" _Live long and prosper,"_ the man replied and ended the call.

"Fucking A!" Jim spat, tearing at his hair. "What the fresh hell is this? I ask for help and they want to evaluate _me_?" He suddenly put his hands over his face and began deep breathing. The inhalations and exhalations continued for several long minutes until the hands came down and Jim was composed again.

"I'm sorry, _t'hy'la_ , that was rude of me. Let's go see what David wants to do next. Get ready – you may have to watch us tear ourselves up on skateboards."

Spock stopped Jim with a gentle touch. "Jim, your anger is not misplaced, and it was not overdone. Cursing and questioning the wisdom of Psychological Services is entirely within your rights. However, your efforts to restrain yourself were appreciated." Then Spock hugged Jim gently.

The praise made Jim's heart flutter and he bounded up the stairs to his son's room. "Hey, mister, what's next in your plan to take over the adult world?"

David was lying on his bed, arm over his face in a way very reminiscent of his dad. "I don't know, Dad. Maybe you should have gone in today."

Jim came and folded his legs down, sitting beside the bed, a task which was definitely easier ten years ago. "Hey, booger, look at me." He waited for David to comply. "We're in a rough patch right now, but none of it's your fault, okay? That call you answered was from a cadet who has a massive crush on me and can't get it through her head that 'no' means 'no'. I'll deal with her later. Today is about you. Have I ever said those words and then let you down?"

"No, sir," David answered softly.

"Then let's get moving! Skateboarding next? What's next?"

"I dunno," the boy began. "I want Father involved too."

Jim nodded and then his face lit up. "Hey, let's do a soccer match! You against your Father, and then the winner against me! And we can make up prizes and yell really loud every time someone scores."

"Yeah!" David grinned. "Hey Dad, when you two play against me, do you ever use your bond to work out your strategies?"

Jim shook his head. "It takes more concentration on my part to use the bond. I can't run _and_ kick _and_ look up _and_ talk in the bond. But I can be running and scream in the bond. Ask your father sometime about the Nantucket mission. That one isn't classified anymore, and it's one of the more exciting ones we did."


	39. Awesomesauce

The two got up (one slower than the other) and went downstairs. Spock was sitting at the computer, and he pressed a button and then shut off the screen and shut down the computer rapidly. Jim tried to raise an eyebrow and Spock gave him that look that usually meant trouble, only this time he turned and gave the same stare to his stepson. He stood and waited for their verdict.

"We decided on soccer, because we want you to participate," David told Spock.

"Perhaps," Spock replied. "Or we could parachute from a shuttle. I have secured seats and gear for us. David will be going in tandem since he has not experienced this before."

"Skydiving?! That's wicked, Daddy Two! When do we leave?"

"Spock, you know skydiving gives me the willies, ever since You Know Who," Jim protested.

Spock inclined his head. "You will not overcome your discomfort until you try again. Jim, should you desire, you may fall in tandem with me."

"Hey, we could redefine the old Mile High Club!"

David looked at his father. "What's the Mile High Club?"

Jim smiled. "Glad you asked, son. Now that you're one of us, I can tell you. Back in the late twentieth and early twenty first centuries, they used to fly airplanes to get people long distances. Well, people used to have sex on the plane, and they would say there were a part of the Mile High Club. Now, there's nowhere to do it on a shuttle, so it pretty much stopped. But if your father and I go tandem …."

"Eww," David complained on cue, just to make his father laugh. "Sick."

"That is not my only surprise," Spock spoke up. "We will be departing from San Francisco airspace. We will be jumping to land outside Riverside, Iowa. I have already contacted Mrs. Irving, who will be pulling her daughter out of school for unknown reasons, bringing her to our target location."

David was speechless for a minute, then he took a deep breath. "You're having me skydive in to see my girlfriend? How can I say thank you?"

Spock shook his head. "I have been young and in love, David. As you continue to mature I will share instances with you where your father or I planned events and occurrences to surprise each other. Our class starts in one half hour, so we should depart."

In the car, Jim played his favorite music, some of it raunchy enough to make David blush. Spock just shook his head, thinking something along the lines of _humans will be humans._ They arrived at the dive school and met the instructor. The lessons were simple enough; Jim tested out easily, as did Spock, so the woman focused on David.

David listened carefully to her instructions, but Jim could tell he had an objection somewhere. He prompted the boy to speak his mind.

"Dad, I can't parachute to see my girlfriend strapped to another woman! Bridget would kill me!"

The instructor laughed. "No, kid, you're going with Jake. He's almost your height, a little taller, and about twenty pounds heavier. You'll be a good dive match."

They ran through the lessons five more times before the woman believed David to be ready. They got their outfits and gear on and were about to get in the shuttle when Jim dashed away and dropped his helmet behind him. Spock could hear him retching.

_T'hyla, if it is too much for you, we will not do this,_ Spock offered.

_No, you saw the look on David's face. This means the world to him. Gimme a sec._ Jim walked slowly to the office and got water to rinse his mouth out, coming back looking slightly pale but better.

They were only in the air ten minutes when David turned to Spock and asked, "Can you talk about the Nantucket mission in public?"

"For once, an appropriate usage of the word 'can'," Spock remarked. "Yes, I am able to. Do you wish me to?"

"Please."

Spock nodded. "We were trying to stop Klingon raiders from attacking a small colony on a planet named simply 'Nantucket'. If I understand from your father the particular part of the story he wishes you to hear, your father had chased a Klingon into a forest, only to have the Klingon run past him in the opposite direction. The Klingon seemed particularly unsettled."

"His color was washed out and his eyes were as big as saucers," Jim clarified.

"Your father stopped and approximately two minutes later, the largest creature your father had seen to date came through the path. It was approximately a time and a half the size of Tyrannosaurus Rex and had quite similar features. Your father performed the only logical action he could at that point."

Jim laughed. "I turned around and screamed bloody murder and went running behind the Klingon!"

Spock closed his eyes in mirth. "The screams carried quite clearly through the bond, although I did not know what he meant when he screamed 'T-Rex'."

"And that's the story of Nantucket and me learning to speak in the bond whilst running," Jim summed up.

"Dad, what happened during … You Know Who … that scared you so bad about skydiving?"

David's innocent question turned Jim's stomach and he had to clinch his teeth. Spock took a hand and began kneading on pressure points to calm his mate down.

"Well, a lot of it's classified, but I was parachuting above the planet Vulcan as it broke apart. I saw your stepfather's planet destroyed. I saw over five billion people killed, David. That's pretty heavy, and it makes me sick to remember."

"And David, I told you a great time ago, you may say Nero's name in my presence. It does not cause anger or fear in me anymore. He is just another adversary I have faced and beaten." Spock released Jim's hand as the pilot announced they were approaching Iowa and should gear up.

Jim got in the harness with Spock and as Spock checked their straps and cables, Jim laid his head on Spock's shoulder. Spock tolerated the additional encumbrance; he understood how queasy this trip was making his mate. David was strapped in with Jake. Jake looked a lot like an actor in the movies. When everyone was ready, they held onto the bar and the cabin depressurized. Then, the door opened and they were falling.

David let loose a scream of sheer delight as they fell, and shouted in surprise when the chute opened. The two pairs floated to the ground peacefully and landed. The recovery team met them to help them out of their harnesses, and they were barely out when a beautiful redheaded girl ran onto the field and flung her arms around David.

"David!" she squealed. "That was so cool! Were you scared?"

"Nah," David lied easily, spinning her around. "Not really."

He released her and she turned around. "Mr. Kirk, Mr. Spock, my mom says you're welcome to visit with her while David and I hang out, or she can take you anywhere you want."

"We have a counteroffer: your mother may take my bondmate to her store and finish her work day while I stay at your house to monitor the two of you," Spock explained.

Jennifer Irving walked up behind her daughter. "Hey, Mr. Spock. If I heard correctly, you're offering to babysit while Jim and I head to the music store?"

"If you so desire. It is no burden to me."

"Okay, that's great. We'll drop the three of you off at home and Jim and I will be at the store probably until six or six thirty. There are to be no closed bedroom doors and if it gets silent for more than five minutes I'd appreciate a looky-loo to make sure everyone's clothed." Jennifer gestured to the minivan. "All aboard!"


	40. Parental Visitation

At the house, Bridget surprised Spock by offering him water before anything else. Spock accepted graciously and she handed him a glass, waiting for him to finish it before carrying it back to the kitchen.

"How'd you know to do that?" David asked her.

She shrugged. "I've got a Vulcan classmate and she invited me over to her house and she had to explain it to me, but I always remembered in case Mr. Spock came to see us."

She took them on a tour of the house and then explained the library to Spock before leaving him alone in the living room and she and David scampered into her bedroom.

Spock's sensitive ears could make out whispering before there was silence, followed by the sound of lips parting. He put down the book and listened closer, feeling both worried for the young people and guilty at the same time for listening in. There were several more kisses before the talking resumed. As long as he heard voices, he did not attempt to listen in any closer, giving them as much privacy as he could.

* * *

Across town, Jim was perusing the stacks of tiny discs, marveling at such old technology preserved so well. Jennifer walked up behind him and cleared her throat.

"Mr. Kirk, may I ask you a sensitive question?" she began. Jim nodded and she continued with "Have you had a serious discussion with your son about sex?"

Jim flushed at the topic being spoken about in an open store. "Um, yes, his stepfather and I have had a long discussion with him, and backed it up with more information and several books. His aunt's had a talk with him as well."

"What is your view on our kids?" she pressed.

At this, Jim shook his head. "I'm not sanguine about it, if that's what you're asking. But Spock says David's in love for real, and if you bring up Bridget it's like she's the sun shining in his world. But he doesn't seem to grasp that the chicks he likes to look at are just like Bridget and that staring at them is a form of cheating."

"Chicks?" was her scathing reply. Jim looked up in alarm at her tone of voice and she put her hands on her hips. "You know, Bridget always tells me that David says the rumors about you are just a load of baloney, but if you refer to women as 'chicks' then I can see how you got that reputation and I'm not exactly sure I want your son dating my daughter."

Jim put the disc case down and stood up to his full height, staring down at the smaller redhead. "Listen, a lot of things can be said for my son, but being a chip off the old block is not one of them. He knows about most of my past and while he understands why I did the things I did, he does not in any way, shape, or form condone my actions. He is his own man and he has his own beliefs. Being a philanderer, a tomcat, whatever names they attached to me, is totally against his nature. He's a good boy," Jim insisted.

"Why _did_ you do the things they say you did?" Jennifer asked in a strained voice.

Jim crossed his arms and attempted to raise an eyebrow. "You know just as well as I do, it's difficult to be true to yourself at first when everyone you know does it differently. I was out to myself and maybe one or two friends, but otherwise I was too scared to test the waters. I was so scared that when I had true love right in front of me I almost walked away rather than admit to myself that yes, I liked men and I happened to be in love with an alien man at that."

Jim held out a hand in supplication. "But I took that leap, and I taught my son to take that leap when it was time, and he's _taking_ that leap with your daughter. Bridget's a good girl, and I'm happy for him, but when I say he's serious, I'm not kidding, he's serious about her. If you're going to punish him, wait until he does something worthy of it. Don't pull them apart because of me."

"I'm sorry," she finally told him. "Of all the people, I should have been more open-minded than that. I've seen David's grades and I've heard the way he acts in the world, and he's a pretty great guy. I tried to steer Bridget away from anything serious over long distances, but she insists David's the only one. I see the way she glows when they talk. I still look like that when I hear from Andrea."

Jim saw an escape route and gently guided the conversation that way. "So, how's Andrea doing? How's life since she made partner at her firm?"

* * *

Back in the Piedmont subdivision, Spock had gotten up with a fake question about the reader he was using, thus giving him an excuse to enter Bridget's room. Both parties were clothed and seated at the computer, researching a topic Bridget would be writing a paper on. Spock waited for her answer (very precise for her age) and then left the room again.

He was just about to start a new chapter in the novel when he heard the word "sex" very clearly. He froze and tried to augment his hearing to its highest level. The conversation went something like this:

" _So does your stepfather think we're going to have sex or something?"_ That was Bridget.

" _I wouldn't doubt it. They gave me a detailed talk this morning. Talk about sick! I heard details I didn't ever even think about!"_

" _Mom and Mother had to give me the talk and they threatened to put me on birth control. I said no way! I'm not doing it until I get married."_

" _Do you ever think about marriage? You know, to me?"_ David sounded a little worried, and Spock's heart went out to him. He remembered the first time he brought the topic up to Jim. He had been pretty nervous too.

There was a long silence, and then a soft kiss. _"I think about it, but not that often. I'm only fifteen. I hope to have my bachelor's before I actually settle down."_

" _Oh,"_ David replied. _"Well, I'm thinking about joining Starfleet. Will you still marry me if I don't go to college?"_

Another kiss. _"Of course. I would be proud to be a 'Fleet wife. Especially_ your _'Fleet wife."_

Spock shook his head and sent an image of David swinging Bridget around in his arms and then sent the memory of Jim sliding Spock's wedding band on his hand. He finished with a surge of love and pride in his mate.

Jim was half-listening to Jennifer when the message reached him and he grinned like an idiot.

"What's that goofy look for?" Jennifer asked in amusement.

"Nothing. A message from my husband. I'm sorry, I'm not as adept at receiving messages as he is. When I tell him something in the bond his face never changes. Well, except for the time I had to tell him that we needed a divorce. Our friend Uhura said his jaw practically dropped at that one."

Jennifer knitted her eyebrows together. "Why'd you need a divorce?"

Jim laughed. "It was a joke, and a bad one at that. I said I'd found my soulmate in a movie star named Angelina Jolie. I told him a second later to forget it – she was happily married with 14 kids."

"Fourteen kids?! How did she do that?"

"Adoption. She never had any of her own. But she loved all fourteen. Her husband, Brad Pitt, was a huge movie star too and he looked like Apollo. They made such a great couple people called them Bradgelina."

"Oh, Old Hollywood," the music enthusiast commented. "I never knew anyone who studied that period of time. It's just too heartbreaking, you know? The old world?"

Jim nodded. "I've heard history texts talk about it. All the hate and the anger? I'm surprised the Vulcans didn't take one look at us and run away screaming!"

"Speaking of Vulcans running away and screaming, what was your father-in-law's reaction to you?"

Jim laughed boisterously. "Sarek freaked out in his own little way but by the time I got up the _cojones_ to ask him for Spock's hand in marriage – or in this case, permission to join the clan – he was okay with it. He's turned out to be our greatest ally." Jim scratched his cheek and asked "Why?"

Jennifer picked up a disc and carried it to the computer, scanning it and starting a new playlist for the store. "Well, I was just thinking how I'm giving you the third degree, and I planned to give your son even worse. I just wondered what Spock's father did when Spock brought _you_ home."

"Well, I got a lecture on the inherent dangers of a same-sex, inter-species relationship, and then when I wouldn't back down I got a 'welcome to the family'. What's David going to get?"

"From me, or my wife? _I'm_ cool. He's welcome to come visit as often as he'd like. My wife, on the other hand, will probably throw a bunch of legal shit at him and scare the pants off him before she smiles and asks if he's ready to go through all that for Bridget." Jennifer laughed. "This is not Andrea's first rodeo. She has a brother who's two years younger than her and her dad was a bear when it came time for them to date."

Jim came closer and lowered his voice slightly. "Are you ever glad they're not following in our footsteps?"

Jennifer raised her eyebrows. "I didn't care one way or the other until Bridget chose, and then I heaved a sigh of relief. Not that I'd be upset if she changed her mind, but I think it's better this way, don't you?"

"After all the crap Spock and I have been through, it's kinda a relief. I'd love David anyway, but this is so much simpler for him."


	41. Dinner And Conversation

At six fifteen the front door opened at the Irving residence and Andrea Nichols-Irving staggered in under two armfuls of groceries. Spock rose smoothly to help her and the two carried the packages into the kitchen.

"Where are Romeo and Juliet?" she stage whispered.

"Why must every couple be compared to the most tragic of pairs?" Spock answered briskly. "Can we not find a more appropriate example?"

"Okay, how are George and Gracie?"

Spock stopped unpacking and looked up. "Who were George and Gracie?"

Andrea unpacked an apple and set it on the counter behind her. "George Burns and his wife Gracie. This is really old stuff. Like, pre-Eugenics old. They were married for forever and a day and their tag used to be him saying 'Say good night, Gracie' and she would answer, 'Good night, Gracie'. It was a Hollywood love story, one for the books, I'd say."

Spock sighed softly as he handed her a head of lettuce. "My bondmate is inordinately fascinated with what he calls Old Hollywood, and one couple in particular: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt."

"Bradgelina!" Andrea exclaimed. "Say, our kids can be the next Bradgelina!"

Spock handed her a package of meat and discreetly wiped his hand on his pants. "From what I understand, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt lived unmarried for the better part of a decade and had children before they formalized their alliance. Do you wish that for the children?"

"Okay, George and Gracie it is."

David and Bridget walked in and looked at the packages. "Are Mr. Kirk and Mr. Spock and David staying for dinner, Mother?" Bridget asked. Then she noticed Spock holding his hand strangely and gasped. "Are you okay, Mr. Spock?"

Spock looked at his hand and nodded. "I am adequate."

David frowned. "Why are you holding it like that?" Then his brain kicked in and he leaned up to whisper to him. Spock nodded and excused himself, going to the guest bathroom.

"What was wrong?" Andrea asked.

"He touched meat. That freaks him out slightly. Imagine touching a dead body – that's what it's like for him. He'll be okay once he washes his hands."

Andrea colored and moved the meat to the refrigerator. "I apologize," she told Spock when he returned. "I should have unpacked that myself."

"It is not an issue. I am capable of adjusting."

The front door opened and Jim and Jennifer bounded in, laughing at something. Jennifer blushed immediately and Jim refused to make eye contact with Spock. David looked back and forth and then sat down woodenly.

"David?"

"Can we go home, Dad?"

Jim frowned slightly. "What's wrong? We were going to catch the last shuttle out."

David leapt to his feet abruptly. "You're doing it again, Dad! You're flirting with a girl you know you can't have just to boost your stupid ego! You know what it does to Father and I hate it too!"

"Hey, buckaroo, your dad didn't do anything untoward. I give you my word," Jennifer told the young man. "We were just laughing and cutting up and I realized I was late coming home and Andrea hadn't had time to get out of her work clothes and there I was just playing around like a fool. Your dad did nothing wrong!"

"Mom does it too," Bridget said from the hallway. "It's nothing, David. If they were seriously cheating, they wouldn't have come home. You've got to learn to trust him, just like I learned to trust Mom. Besides," she joked, "if anything ever did happen, they'd have Mother and Mr. Spock to answer to, and I think we'd be the least of their worries."

Jim smiled at Bridget and then looked at Jennifer. "How'd you raise such a terrific young woman?"

Jennifer pointed to Andrea and then held her hands up in surrender. "I didn't do it, _senor_. Thank the woman behind the counter for anything good to come out of the munchkin."

"Please don't go home yet, Greg," Bridget spoke sadly. "I have so little time with you as it is."

_Greg?_ Jim mouthed to Spock. Spock raised his eyebrows in response. Jim came over and put a quick Vulcan kiss on Spock's hand.

"I hope you don't mind, but I spent a small fortune in Jennifer's store. She's got oldies I haven't heard in forever. And then I had to buy a player to play the discs, and then I had to buy a holder for all the discs, and then – "

"I comprehend the chain of events. How much did you spend?"

Jim blushed. "One hundred and sixty eight credits."

"That is reasonable. So long as the number did not reach the thousands, I was not concerned. Come tell me of your purchases and allow the Irvings to greet each other properly." Spock led Jim back into the living room.

David was in Bridget's room. She was standing against him, safe in his arms. She sighed and looked at the chronometer.

"You'll have to leave after dinner. But this was so perfect. How did you convince them to do this?" she asked softly.

David shook his head. "I didn't. It was Father's idea."

"Mr. Spock?" she exclaimed. "I could have expected your dad, but Mr. Spock? That's unusual."

"Not really," David explained _sotto voce_. "He's a big softie when it comes to love. He really likes you. I think he liked you when I was still just coming to visit, because I talked about you constantly and told them everything we did together."

"Can you handle another year and a half of being apart?" she whispered.

"Summer of '73 I'll be out of school and I can move wherever you go to school and get a job and help support you until I enter the Academy," David insisted. "You'll have your first bachelor's in, what, '75?" he estimated. "I'll be eligible for off-campus housing in a year, and you can come take your second degree in San Francisco while I finish school."

"And what happens when he gets to his first ship?" Andrea asked from the doorway. Jennifer was standing behind her, looking rather sad. "What happens when he goes off to war?" Andrea continued acidly. "David, I know you want to follow in your father's footsteps, but if you plan on being in my little girl's life for a long time, you'd better rethink your plans."

David tightened his hold on Bridget. "Bridget comes first."

Jim switched places with Jennifer. "Kid, I told you once before, you don't have to go in the 'Fleet to impress me. You can do whatever you want. Be a scientist like your mother, or do any other of a million things. Just be safe and be happy. That's all that matters to me."

Then Jim sighed and said, "Yes, dear," to the ceiling. He looked back at David and said, "Your father says you're fourteen, you have time to figure all this out. But now is dinner time." The adults laughed and the group moved into the kitchen. Spock was just helping Jennifer put the extra leaf in the table so they could all sit together. The kids set the table and they all sat down together.

The adults were talking about young love, and remembering the antics they did while they were younger. Jennifer told a story about dragging Andrea to a karaoke bar early in their relationship so she could serenade her love. Spock explained Jim bringing him Plomeek soup early in their working career just because he know Spock ate it when he was sad.

Then they began discussing music. Jim and Spock's songs were "Answer" by Sarah McLachlan and "The Other Side of Me" by Michael W. Smith. Andrea and Jennifer's songs had changed over the years, and now were "Stuck on You" by Huey Lewis and the News and "Don't Know Much" by Linda Ronstadt and Aaron Neville, to reflect their love growing stronger as the years went by.

David leaned over to whisper to Bridget and Jennifer cleared her throat. "We don't whisper at the dinner table. Out loud or not at all."

Jim swallowed his mouthful and shook his head. "That's our fault. We talk in the bond by reflex around him and he's got weird boundary issues. David, you notice your father and I have spoken aloud almost all evening? Do the same."

David colored but complied. "What's our song, Bridget?"

Bridget played with her mashed potatoes and shrugged. "I think our song is 'You're The Inspiration'. It's an oldie, but that's what I grew up on. Unless our song is 'Breaking All Their Hearts' by Sugarpops."

"What's that about?" Jim asked politely.

"Well, it's about a couple who are so perfect that they make everyone else look bad. _They can't take their eyes off us 'cause we're breaking all their hearts,_ " Bridget sang.

"Oh!" David exclaimed. "I've heard that on the Web. I like Sugarpops. They're cool."

"It's a she," Jennifer told the boy. "Sugarpops isn't a group, it's a woman singing with instrumental backup."

"I never can tell," Jim sighed. "Today's music is so electronic and synthesized. Nobody sings anymore. _Metallica_ ," he intoned seriously. "James Hetfield could belt out tunes morning to night and never stop. They were awesome!"

David nodded along and added, "R.E.M. was really cool too. My uncle got me started on them. Michael Stipe was wicked."

"I will admit I mistook Enya for a group collaboration at first exposure," Spock told the group. "My bondmate and child think I am mentally defective for listening to her compilations."

"We do not," Jim answered. "We just think you're crazy period." Spock raised an eyebrow at Jim and Jim stuck his tongue out at him.


	42. Saying Goodbye

When dinner was over, David and Bridget held each other for a while longer before the group got in the van and Jennifer drove them to the airfield. David snuck a kiss in and walked away slowly, looking over his shoulder every few seconds. Bridget waved until the three were on the shuttle.

David was noticeably subdued on the ride home, and Jim laid a hand on his leg.

"Kid, it isn't forever. I know it feels like it, but it's not."

"I know, Dad. It just hurts. Have you ever had to be away from Father?"

Jim nodded. "I can tell you this now; you're old enough. When I first found out about you, your mother threatened to keep you away from me unless I divorced Spock and never saw him again. I thought he could find another mate, but you'd never have another father. So I did it. I asked for a divorce and Spock moved out of our cabin."

David breathed out slowly. "You left Father because of me?"

Jim nodded and put his arm around the young man. "I told you when you were little, you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and Spock's great too, but he's just my husband. You're my little boy and I would do anything for you."

"How did you fix it? How did you get back together?"

Spock folded his hands in his lap. "Your pseudo-aunt Ms. Uhura physically assaulted your father, and then convinced him no situation was so grave that he could not come to another for assistance. She pointed out the current language used in the law and proved to him he could be with me and be your father at the same time."

"Aunt Ny is really a good friend to you, isn't she?" David commented.

"The best," Jim told him. "She and your Uncle Bones are the reason your father and I are still together after all we've been through. Uhura keeps Spock in line, and Bones keeps me in line. We each go to them when we can't go to anyone else."

"You go to Aunt Ny, and Father goes to Uncle Bones?"

"Yep," Jim laughed. "Do you and Bridget have friends like that?"

David shook his head. "No. But we have our parents, as lame as that may be."

"It is not 'lame'," Spock corrected him. "My father was the first to 'step in' when your father was injured and I could not assist him alone. He intervened again when your mother was playing – what is the game? Ah, 'Keep Away' – with you. Your Grandmother Winona likewise assisted when your mother accused me of abusing your father. Parents are an important resource, not to be overlooked."

"Father, why is it such a bad thing for you to – " David stretched up and whispered in Spock's ear.

Spock's face took on a greenish hue and Jim blushed as the flood of emotion came across the bond. Spock looked at his stepson and answered as best he could.

"It causes me embarrassment to have others know I converse with my mother because it is not logical, David. There is no law in nature, no principle in physics to state that speaking aloud to a being who is dead does anything for either the deceased or the speaker. Yet it brings me comfort, and often I am able to think of solutions to my problems that eluded me before by pretending to present them to my mother."

David scratched his chin and muttered, "Isn't that basically the same thing as praying?"

Spock's eyes opened a fraction wider. "I had not considered it in such a fashion. Seeing as my mother was not and is not a god, I had not considered the parallel."

"Dad's been praying and it makes him feel better. That counts, doesn't it?"

"Well, like he said, he hadn't thought of it that way," Jim defended his mate. "Praying to a god and speaking to a dead person are similar, but not the same. A god is there for you to worship and to gain assistance from. You talk to the deceased to remember them and be comforted in their memory. It's very personal, especially when the dead person was your confidant."

David shook his head. "Sounds like the same thing to _me_. You talk to God to love Him and make Him feel better so you feel better, and you talk to dead people to love them and make them feel better so you feel better, and neither one you tell anyone about."

"But nobody looks at you like you're crazy if you worship a god. They _do_ look at you weird if you believe in talking to the dead. Especially in Spock's culture. You either meld with a _katra_ or you don't do anything at all," Jim explained.

"Why doesn't he speak to Gramma Amanda's kahtra?" David pressed.

Jim sighed. "Humans don't have _katras_. If you believe in it, you have a soul, but stories vary as to what happens to your soul after death. _Your_ faith says it goes to Heaven."

"So maybe Gramma Amanda's soul went to Heaven and Father can speak with her like that!"

Jim put his face in his hand and Spock closed his eyes. Overhead, the speaker came to life and the pilot announced their descent into San Francisco.

The drive home was awkwardly silent. David plugged in the headset in back and put on his music. Jim rested a hand on Spock's leg and tried to send pleasant thoughts to him to get him out of whatever funk the earlier discussion had put him in.

"Babe," Jim tried, "he didn't mean anything by it. Open-minded, but not completely clear on how other cultures work. He thinks you can believe anything you want, but – "

"Jim, he is correct. I am able to choose my own belief system, or none at all. I am a legal adult in both cultures and my father would be disappointed but not devastated should I leave the path of _tu-Surak_. I do not know with what stigma I am concerned. There really is none."

Jim sucked at his teeth in contemplation. "Your choice. You know I'll support you either way."

"Will you allow me private time when we return to the domicile?" Spock asked quietly.

Jim nodded. "Of course. I'll distract David somehow."

When they pulled in the driveway, Jim made up a reason to have David downstairs and Spock slipped upstairs, shutting the door and locking it this time. He arranged himself in the corner, purposely not lighting incense as was his habit. He played with his wedding band and the memory came to him of his father, telling him why he'd stopped wearing _his_ wedding band. But it was seven years he had worn it; stopping now would be illogical.

"Mother," Spock began, and stopped abruptly. Then he tried again. "Mother, I want to say this will be the last time I speak to you, and yet the concept is so distasteful that I cannot. Your birthday occurred three weeks ago and I did not observe it this year. I was so overwhelmed with work and home responsibilities that I allowed the occasion to pass by unnoticed. I apologize for my transgression and I wanted you to know I thought of you on the twenty-first. I called Father to convey my condolences and apologies the next day. It was nevertheless inexcusable."

He relaxed a little and shifted so he was sitting on his left hip with his legs to his side. He opened the drawer in his nightstand and took out a box. Opening it, he lifted a delicate chain with an ankh pendant. He stared at it in the darkness, wishing for once he hadn't gotten the flawless Vulcan eyesight. His mother had taken the chain off to have it cleaned, and in expectation of a trip to Earth had it shipped to the Vulcan Embassy where they would be staying. It arrived – she never did.

"You would be seventy four this year. Still middle age in humans. Your fiftieth anniversary was particularly painful for Father … he did not express the discomfort, but I could tell. You always used to tell me my father's eyes displayed his true emotional state. They still do."

Spock put the chain back in the box and lovingly stored it in the drawer, and then pulled out a small picture frame. Switching it on, he stared at the picture displayed – a small but powerful brunette, hair pulled back in a bun, smiling as she looked up from her book. She was seated on the deck of the house on Vulcan; her eyes were crinkled as she squinted from the brutally intense light of 40 Eridani. His father told him she was three months pregnant in this picture. They had just returned from the healer's and his father had wanted to somehow capture the moment. They were going to have a child.

"I would be inordinately pleased if I were given a second chance to save you. It should have been me, Mother. I should have perished, not you. I wish for another chance every day."

He switched off the picture frame and put it back in the drawer, shutting it quietly. Then he got up and lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was thinking of how he could justify his talks with his mother and still be a Vulcan when he slipped into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It gets bumpy from here. I recommend seat belts. We're coming up on some major dramatics and I'd like to hear how it's coming across to you all so if you don't mind please review? I so rarely ask for reviews, I hope you don't mind. Thank you in advance.


	43. Spock's Dream

In his dream, he was standing on the bridge of the _Enterprise_ , but it was empty. He looked around and as he turned around fully he saw Amanda standing by the turbolift on the right. He tried to call out to her but couldn't. She turned and boarded the turbolift and he ran to join her. They rode to the fifth numbered deck and she got off, walking directly for officer's territory as if she were at home on the ship. She walked to the fourth cabin, where the plaque read "CAPT KIRK / COMM SPOCK". She walked in the room and he had to hurry before the door shut between them.

In the quarters, Jim was in bed, probably in just his boxers, and he was curled around Spock's back. In his sleep, Jim whimpered, and the dream Spock rolled onto his back and put his hand on Jim's hip. The whimpering stopped and the couple was peaceful once more.

Spock tried to speak to his mother again and found he still couldn't, but then he tried to send a thought as if through their parental bond.

_Mother, why are you showing me this?_

Amanda smiled sweetly in a very Mona Lisa way, but did not answer. She left the quarters and walked down the hall. Spock followed along peacefully, still trying to figure out what all of it meant. Amanda proceeded to Sickbay, and the doors opened silently for her. Spock hesitated. He wasn't sure what was about to happen.

Dr. McCoy was working furiously as nurses darted in and out around him, handing him equipment and supplies. There was dark red human blood all over the deck and on the scrubs of everyone around the biobed. Spock felt his stomach lurch and he turned away, but instantly his mother was by his side, and she guided his face back to the scene with a gentle finger. He closed his eyes.

_Spock, please watch,_ he heard her tell him.

Spock opened his eyes and saw the dream Spock standing in the bay, ghostly white. His lips were moving and Spock remembered he had been praying. Suddenly, the nightmare had sound and an alarm rang out and a steady flatline sounded. Dream Spock grabbed his head and his eyes rolled back in his head. He collapsed and Spock watched two nurses lift him slowly to another biobed.

" _Get him back! Get him back! Jimmy, god damn you, don't you leave now!"_ McCoy bellowed. His voice lowered to a gravelly hiss. _"I can't lose you both. You would do anything for Spock, well LIVE FOR HIM, dammit!"_

The agonizingly loud flatline broke into random beeps and slowly regulated into a normal rhythm. Spock realized he had been holding his breath and exhaled cautiously. He looked at his mother in a silent request for an explanation and she pointed to the dream Spock's bedside. Nurse Chapel was standing at his side, holding a hand and whispering to him. Spock came closer to hear what she said.

" _It's okay, Mr. Spock. He's back. He's alive. It's okay. Just rest. He wouldn't leave you alone. We wouldn't let him leave you like that. You rest now. It's okay."_ She laid his hand on his chest and walked back to Jim's bedside to assist Dr. McCoy.

_Mother, I remember this. This was the Eurythymia mission. Why are you showing me this?_

Amanda approached him and he saw she had been crying. _You brought your husband back with the sheer strength of your love, nearly at the cost of your own life._

The dream broke into wild colors and suddenly he was standing on the precipice, calling for the _Enterprise_ to beam the party aboard. All around him, Vulcan was self destructing. He saw his mother and suddenly his wish seemed possible. He took another four steps forward and grabbed her hand and the ground broke free beneath them and they were falling.

He blacked out, and when he awoke he was standing on the bridge of the ship again, but this time Jim was in control, sitting there in his off-duty black outfit barking orders at the frantic crew. The dream fast-forwarded and he saw Jim beam aboard the _Narada_ , but he was alone. Why was he alone?

_You were not there to help him, love,_ his mother told him quietly. _You died on Vulcan._

Nero captured Jim and beat him mercilessly, and Jim broke free and ran to help Captain Pike. The two beamed aboard the _Enterprise_ again and as they were carrying Pike to Sickbay, everything went black. Spock raised his hand in front of his face reflexively, but there was nothing to see.

_Mother? What happened?_

The picture came into focus of a void in space. A smaller planetoid was nearby and Spock realized the void was the place of Earth. Then other blank spots appeared, places of other planets. Spock felt sick, but he had to know.

_Nero escaped?_

Amanda appeared by his side. _Without you to deliver the Red Matter, Nero was able to destroy the_ Enterprise _and the rest of the Federation._

_Why are you showing me this?_ Spock insisted.

_You wish you had been there to save me. You were not, but you were there to save_ them _, Spock. Love, if it's time to let go, then let go. I will always be with you, no matter what. I love you. You will always make me proud._

Spock saw her fade away and called out _Mother? Mother?!_

"Mother?" Spock mumbled, and felt a warm hand on his forehead. He opened his eyes and Jim was on the bed beside him, wiping at the sweat on his brow.

"Hey, easy, babe. Take your time. I'm right here," Jim assured him soothingly. "You just had a bad dream is all. It's over now."

Spock sat up suddenly and held Jim in a crushing hug. Jim squeaked in surprise but didn't fight his husband. He raised one hand slowly and patted Spock's side.

"Okay, big guy, I can't breathe," he complained, and Spock released him just as quickly. "Okay, what the hell was that about?"

Spock shook his head and took a slightly shaky deep breath. Then he got up and began his evening routine.

"You think you can sleep after that?" Jim questioned curiously.

" _Ashayam,_ that nightmare will not reoccur. I learned the lesson it had to give and I believe a small portion of my discomfort has ended permanently. And Jim?" he began. "My mother would have loved you. I know that as surely as I know the periodic tables."

Jim pulled his head back at the sudden subject change but then he got up and came over to kiss Spock's nose. "That's reassuring. Who knows? Maybe we'll cross paths someday." He joined his mate in their nightly rounds and when they were ready Jim poked his head out into the hallway and called out for his son. David hollered back and Jim said good night, shutting his bedroom door.

Spock was unusually, extremely, overwhelmingly loving that night. Jim wasn't about to complain, but he made a mental note to ask Spock exactly what happened in that dream. If it hadn't been so obviously frightening, he would try to get it to happen more often. Cuddly Spock was a rare treat.


	44. Exciting News?

Jim was finishing his glass of orange juice when Spock entered the kitchen. He acknowledged his mate distantly and put his dishes in the cleaner and was on his way out of the room when Spock stopped him.

"You have your appointment with Psychological Services today."

Jim grimaced and shook his head. "Yeah, I'll get to them eventually. I'm not in any huge hurry."

"James, do not become passive-aggressive over this. The request was made at a poor time but it is still a valid request. Do not enter into another power struggle with Command."

Jim turned around. "You think Command is having me checked again?"

"It has been six point three years since your last evaluation. Perhaps it is routine?" Spock speculated.

"Then why haven't you had one?" Jim shot back. "You were checked seven years ago!"

Spock shook his head. "I do not know, James. I gave you my opinion and it did not fit with your hypothesis, so I will remain quiet now. I will meet with you at midday meal to ascertain the results."

Jim leaned in and gave Spock a peck on the cheek. "I'm outta here. See ya." He hurried out the door.

* * *

Captain James T. Kirk was in his office forty-five minutes when he finally got up and meandered over to Psych, feeling like a heel the whole time because his husband's admonishment weighed on him. He poked his head in the door and checked out the place before walking in.

"Um, Jim Kirk?" he told the receptionist.

"Right this way," the man answered, guiding him back to an empty conference room. He was seated and asked if he wanted a beverage; he asked for coffee. Caffeine made some people jumpy, but it seemed to calm Jim down. He was sipping at the drink when the door opened up again and a very familiar figure entered with an air of authority and a twinkle in his eye.

"Admiral Pike!" Jim exclaimed. He stood at attention, for Pike was one of the few admirals Jim respected.

"At ease, son, this is all going to be pretty informal today." Pike sat down across from Jim and nudged the coffee cup. "You drink this swill? What, do you have a death wish or something?" He laughed. "Okay, so for the next foreseeable little bit, I want you to treat me the way you do when we talk on the comm at home, okay? Just be my friend."

Jim's Spidey-senses were tingling and he found it hard to swallow suddenly. In his mind, he sensed Spock picking up on the discomfort and focusing a little tighter on his mate. Outwardly, though, he smiled and nodded his head.

"Sure, Chris. Whazzup?"

"Here's the deal. We've been kicking around an idea and we wanted your opinion before we went any further."

Jim craned his neck around to do a spot survey of the room. There were two mirrored walls and a tiny camera in one corner.

"Um, Chris, little pitchers have big ears." It was a code from the old days, meant to remind a crewmember that the conversation could be overheard. Jim specifically meant they were being watched.

Pike shook his head. "Psych is the next step in this evolution. They're cool. Jim, I want you to listen to me. You've reached great heights in your career, but we'd like to see you go farther. Nogura thinks it's time; Pinkerton thinks it's time; hell, _I_ think it's _beyond_ time."

"Great buildup, sir, but what the hell are you talking about?"

Pike smiled broadly. "Jim, we want to bring you up. We'd like to make you an admiral."

No amount of diplomatic training could have prevented the shock from showing on Jim's face. He picked up his coffee cup and sipped at the rapidly cooling liquid and then stared into the cup as if he had never seen coffee before. He set the cup down and closed his eyes, breathing several times before gazing at the confused man in front of him.

"You want to kick me upstairs?"

Pike frowned and looked at Jim with wounded eyes. "I wasn't aware you still held that level of contempt for the brass."

Jim laughed out loud and slapped the table softly. "Says the man who had to stand trial with me when a fellow admiral tried to off me and my spouse! Come on, Chris, give me a break. You're lucky I didn't ask for my walking papers after that stunt."

"That was thirteen years ago, Jim. Have you ever faced any such thing since? Has Spock?"

Jim shook his head. "I'm going to have to talk to Spock about this. It's a big step."

"Fair enough. The brass won't wait long, so don't dawdle. I'll leave you in the capable hands of Psych Services. Have a good day, Jim." With that, Christopher Pike walked out of the room.

The next hour was full of tests and questions and general bullshit Jim had always come to expect from Psychological Services. He went through it easily, although when he told them he liked to dress his husband up in anime costumes they paused. They waited it out until he broke and admitted he was just screwing with them. They didn't seem that amused. Finally, they declared their examination over and released him.

He practically ran back to his office and started to dial a number when it hit him – Solion was still dead. It hurt a little less each time he forgot and was painfully reminded, but it still hurt enough. He went on to his classroom and watched Ismarella work her magic on the young minds. He had had a long discussion with her after his and Spock's clandestine maneuvers as cadets, not revealing how he knew these things, but letting her know she was appreciated. He had also given Ismarella her very own copy of _The Gunslinger_ , the first of a series of Stephen King novels Spock had given Jim.

At lunch, Spock entered the office precisely on time and turned to lock the door behind himself.

"As you would say, _ashayam_ , 'spill it'."

Jim laughed, for the idea still struck him humorously every time he thought it. "Uh, Pike wants me upstairs."

Spock raised his eyebrows, but then made his face passive again and nodded. "Congratulations."

"I haven't said yes yet," Jim warned him. "I'm kinda fond of being a teacher. Besides, I didn't want to do that to you without talking about it first."

"Do what to me, Jim? Accept a well-deserved and timely promotion? How would that injure me? Jim, it is time. You have helped the cadets as they learned their lessons here. Now you can help them in their posts by overseeing their missions."


	45. An Old Problem Crops Up

Jim sat at the desk and swiveled his chair back and forth. "Jesus fucking Christ, Spock, do you get the level of responsibility they want to put on me? I screw up here, a kid has to repeat a year. I make mistake up there, and lives are on the line. I could make one wrong move and kill an entire crew!"

"It is essentially similar to being a starship captain, only your decisions affect multiple ships, perhaps even entire fleets. It is the same job you performed so well on a broader scale." Spock paused, and came closer to the desk. "Are you concerned that your skills have degraded from being out of space for so long?"

"No," Jim stammered, "but thanks for putting that seed of doubt in my mind! Spock, I don't think I'm cut out to be an admiral. Can't I just stay here and teach for the rest of my life?"

" _T'hy'la,_ you may do whatever you wish. I will support you no matter what you decide. But Jim, please recall the many times you lamented as a starship captain the decisions rendered by the admiralty, and how you insisted one day you would take your place among them and be the voice of reason. This is your opportunity, James. Do not walk away without due consideration."

Jim propped his chin up in a hand and closed his eyes. "Can you handle it? You know it means the end of taking days off when we please and riding in together. There may be things I can't talk to you about and long nights when I'm not at home. And Spock?" Jim added hesitantly. "Your illustrious counterpart almost completed Kolinahr because the other me went up to the top. Are you willing to risk _us_?"

Spock drew his eyebrows in. "James, have you heard that story in its entirety?"

"No. I guess not."

"Allow me to repeat it. Your counterpart and mine were in the early stages of a relationship, supposedly official with everyone but the admiralty. Your alternate self was still perhaps selfish and self-centered, and when the promotion came he accepted without consulting the other partner."

Spock lowered his head. "The move promised to remove them from each other, as Solion would have been placed in command of the _Enterprise_ and his mate would be on Earth. In despair, Solion did the only thing he could think to do – he sought escape, and a permanent sacrifice."

"But he didn't finish," Jim replied sullenly.

"Because their love was so great, the other James' need called out to Solion and he averted crisis at the last moment. Although, the story continues that they were _t'hy'la_ , and their bond could not have been broken by any mere priest or priestess. The same is true for us."

Jim stared in adoration at his mate. He was about to say something extremely profound (for Jim Kirk) when the door signal rang. He raised his eyebrows at Spock, who stepped back to unlock the door and admit the mystery visitor.

"Hey Captain Kirk, I was just – " Cadet third grade Courtney Sullivan bound into the room carrying a bouquet of flowers. When she encountered not only her love interest but his current partner, she stopped cold.

Jim rose to his feet slowly, and his blue eyes were thunderous and stormy. "Cadet, we need to have a talk."

She scurried backward and Spock moved to block her exit. "Please, Cadet Sullivan, I would appreciate the opportunity to make clear Captain Kirk's relationship status." He gestured to an empty chair.

Jim came around the desk, still approaching her as one would a frightened cornered animal. He sat in the chair beside her and put his hands in his lap.

"Courtney, right?" Jim began. He sighed. "Courtney, believe me, I am flattered that you find me so attractive and desirable. Having someone your age look at me that way is quite an ego boost. But you're not the first, you won't be the last, and you're not going to succeed where they haven't." Jim held up his left hand. "Do you see this ring? This is a promise I made long ago, a promise of forever, and I made that promise to Captain Spock. He is my husband and I love him desperately, and I'm not ever going to leave him."

Sullivan lowered her eyes and bit her lip. "Maybe if you hadn't been mistreated by that horrible Carol woman you wouldn't be with a man. I can show you, I'm better than she ever could be!"

"I knew I liked men before I met Carol. She didn't do anything to change me. Don't go blaming her for whatever you think is wrong with me. Speaking of wrong, _that's_ wrong. My preferences are not some error in judgment or character defect that needs correcting. They're my choices and I want to make as many of them as I can myself."

Spock nodded along. "Your constant pursuit of Captain Kirk has been exhausting and entirely unwelcome. I am now asking not as a captain, not as an instructor, but as a mate. Please cease harassing my partner. Do not call, do not write, do not visit. If this behavior continues, I will be forced to request psychiatric evaluation and possibly your dismissal from Starfleet."

She stood shakily and tugged at her skirt. "Thank you, Captain Kirk, for making this clear. I regret that I so horribly revolted you and I promise you will not have to deal with me again." She saluted them both and threw the flowers on the desk, walking out of the room with stiff legs.

"Well fuck, that went well," Jim groused.

Spock locked the door again. " _Ashayam_ , you were as gentle as possible. I believe if either of us could be blamed for harshness, the charge would fall on me. May I make an unwelcome suggestion?" Jim waved a hand in resignation. "Perhaps it would behoove you to contact Psychological Services. You now have irrefutable proof of her transgressions."

Jim slouched in the chair, deflating as he exhaled. "She said she'd stop, Spock. Give her a break."

Spock shook his head. "She also said that she now believes she revolts you. Jim, get her help. She deserves at the least as much."

Jim scooted up and put his face in his hands. He groaned softly for a minute before the sound crescendoed and he stood up, nearly knocking Spock backward.

"Sorry. Stay here for this, will ya?" Jim sat at his computer and dialed a number. When it was answered he asked for the man he had spoken to previously.

"Greetings."

"Hey, sorry to bother you, but I've got that proof you wanted."

The Vulcan on the other end frowned slightly. "I beg your pardon?"

Jim sighed. "It's Jim Kirk, the guy you just grilled this morning for the admiralty? I called about the girl stalking me?"

"Ah. Indeed. She has left physical evidence?"

Jim picked up the flowers. "Right here. Flowers and – " he plucked out the card " – a note that says 'To my one and only, from your truest love'. Signed, sealed, and delivered."

"Very fascinating. What was your response to this gesture?" He was tapping away at a padd.

"I told her to stop, my bondmate told her to stop, and she walked out."

"That is all? She said nothing?"

Jim closed his eyes briefly. "I don't remember, she made some statement, I don't know."

"She stated that Captain Kirk had made himself clear, she was sorry she displeased him so, and that she would not be a further burden," Spock spoke up.

"What were her exact words, Captain Spock?"

Spock paused. " _Thank you, Captain Kirk, for making this clear. I regret that I so horribly revolted you and I promise you will not have to deal with me again._ "

The other Vulcan closed his eyes briefly. "Did she state her next destination?"

"No."

The counselor excused himself briefly and left the room, only to return minutes later with another staff member.

"What was her name again?"

"Courtney Sullivan." Jim looked at Spock with worry. "What's going on?" he asked the other men.

Another captain Jim had encountered in the office earlier bent down to the screen. "Jim, um, in situations like this we have to be extremely cautious. We don't want anyone doing anything drastic."

"Drastic?" Jim paled. "You mean … holy God, I just wanted her to leave me _alone_ , not die! Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Put any feelers you can out about her. Seek her out and tell her you need to talk to her. Get her somewhere neutral and then have Captain Spock call us. Don't worry, Jim. It happens so rarely anymore." The captain looked at the chronometer. "I've got to go. Keep us updated, Jim."


	46. Confrontation

Just as the call disconnected the door buzzed again. Jim launched up to answer it, but it was only Ismarella, checking on the afternoon schedule. He told her cautiously that he needed to see Cadet Sullivan at the first opportunity, and then added the message "Thanks for the flowers."

Jim went out of the office on a personal manhunt (or womanhunt) while Spock stayed behind to monitor communications in case she attempted to reach him. After waiting an hour, he sent out a message through the computer network Reynald hosted for the students asking to see Sullivan. After another long hour, he tried through the bond.

_Have you found her?_

Jim paused mid stride to answer him. _No, nothing. Anything on your end?_

_I have sent out messages reaching out to the young woman. Only time will tell,_ ashayam. _Why do you not return to your office and wait with me? I would appreciate the opportunity to ease your distress._

_No,_ Jim told him angrily. _Every second we wait is another second she could be gone forever. I did this, I have to fix it._

Spock sighed softly and decided against correcting his mate. When Jim was this upset, it usually was much more pleasant for everyone involved if the bit players humored him in his quest. But it _wasn't_ Jim's fault. He had done nothing untoward to encourage this child, he had done everything he could to _dis_ courage her, and he had asked for help when it got too uncomfortable. The fact that Psychological Services had ignored his pleas only backed up Spock's insistence that this wasn't Jim's fault.

Spock was still in Jim's office when the computer chimed. He answered it to find David on the other end.

"David, greetings. May I assist you?"

"Father, I think someone's in our house," David whispered. "I'm at the neighbor's. The front door was open when I got home. What do I do?"

_I believe we have located her,_ Spock sent to his partner. To his stepson he said, "Remain at our neighbor's house. Do not go to the house. David, this is most urgent. You _must not_ go to our house. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir," David replied. "I won't. Mrs. Catchshaw, I'm supposed to stay here and not go to my house," he told the woman standing nearby for his stepfather's sake. "Are you coming home?" he asked Spock.

"We are, David. We will be there momentarily. Thank you for calling." With that, Spock disconnected the call and met with his husband in the hallway.

"I've got Psych ready, they're right behind us," Jim told him as the two ran out of the building and to the aircar.

David was peering through the curtains in the side of Mrs. Catchshaw's house at his bedroom window. Magnanimous and chivalrous he might be, but he was still fourteen. He saw movement and ducked behind the lace again.

Jim took the most expedient route he knew and pressed his luck with the speed limit. Under his breath he would mutter, "Come on, come on, come on!" Spock took a second to remind Jim that the two lieutenants behind them didn't know where they were going and would appreciate him remaining under 120.

" _Ashayam,_ David is safe. The worst we will lose would be material possessions, of which neither of us has anything irreplaceable."

Jim shook his head. "I know where you're going, Spock, but if it mattered, you'd be wrong. You've got your mom's stuff in your drawer in our bedroom, and I've got a couple of David's baby things in mine. But what's worrying me is the phaser I keep in the closet, and the knives, and any number of ropes we've got lying around. I don't want her doing anything stupid before we get there."

He swung into the neighborhood doing about sixty and took the back way to the house. When he pulled up, he got out and pointed the house out to the officers in the other car. They parked across the street and got out, phasers and wrist restraints hidden tastefully beneath their jackets. The four went to the house and entered the front door.

Jim paused in the hallway and pointed straight up. Spock stopped abruptly and became aware of soft footsteps above them.

_Our bedroom?_ Spock mouthed.

Jim nodded and the two motioned for the officers to wait downstairs. They protested silently but obeyed, and Jim and Spock walked up the stairs. Spock slipped into David's bedroom and took a sentry position. Jim tiptoed up to the room and peeked in.

Sullivan was lying on the bed face down, her face buried in Jim's pillow. He spared a moment to consider how she knew which side of the bed was his, then realized the logical conclusion: during a rather risque interview he gave early on, right after he and Spock had married, the reporter asked which side of the bed he slept on. The answer hadn't changed in ten years. He stood still and cleared his throat.

She rolled over and sat up seductively. Okay, at least she wasn't suicidal – she was more in the mood for love. She smiled sweetly and patted the bed beside her. Jim sent a silent message to Spock, thankful for their clandestine connection, and sat down beside her.

"I knew you didn't mean it. I could see it in your eyes. You want a _real_ relationship with a woman who can satisfy your every need."

"I knew I wanted to see you again," Jim misdirected. _Alive,_ he told himself. "How did you know where I live?"

She laughed musically. "Silly. Your ex teaches computer programming way too well. I just took what he provided and peeked in the Starfleet records. It's okay, Jim. You don't have to hide anything from me anymore. I know everything anyway."

_My ex. Nice._ He kept the smile plastered on his face and nodded. "Well, I was wondering, I have a soccer game coming on, would you like to watch with me? The set's downstairs."

"Okay. You watch your silly sports show and I'll cook us dinner!"

_She's headed for the kitchen,_ Jim sent frantically. Cool and calm, he replied "Great!" and the two got up and headed down the stairs. They got to the bottom and she paused by the front door, looking puzzled.

"Where's the unmentionable anyway?"

"He had a late class," Jim lied easily. "And David's got karate tonight, so you and I will be alone."

"Ha! Okay, then let me whip up something extra special for you." She danced into the kitchen and froze at the three men standing there. "Who the hell are you, and what are _you_ doing here?" she snapped. She spun toward Jim. "Baby, explain this."

Jim swallowed. "Ms. Sullivan, you're in my house, without my permission, and no offense, but you're talking about things that are never going to happen. You know I'm not leaving Spock. You and I are never going to be a couple. And honestly, Cadet, you hacked personnel records of Starfleet. Now you can get help quietly, and maybe get through this, or we can go the legal route and have it be messy and complicated."

"You made promises to me," she spat. "You said it was just going to be us, that you'd leave that ugly man and be with me. I promised I'd raise your son as my own. We were going to be together forever!"

"Did she say any such thing?" one counselor asked Spock.

"No."

" _You weren't there!_ " she screamed.

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I am aware of every word you spoke to my mate, as well as every word he spoke to you. There were no promises made, on either side. This is the first time you have been alone with my mate, so unless you have some telepathic connection of which I am not aware, no such words were said."

She took a hesitant step forward. "Please? Jimmy? Don't leave me."

"Please, Ms. Sullivan, get help. I _will_ promise you this does not have to be a tragedy. You can recover from whatever is happening. Just ask for help." Jim raised his head toward Spock, and Spock came to stand beside him. On impulse, Jim reached out and took Spock's hand, playing with the wedding band on the third finger.

Sullivan stared at the couple in disbelief for a long while, and then lowered her eyes. "I don't think I'll ever get over him."

"You will, in time," the other counselor assured her. He came forward slowly. "Will you come will us, miss?"

She nodded, and he approached her to take her wrists and put the restraints on her. She allowed them to lead her out of the house. Jim shut the door and slid down into a pile on the floor.


	47. A Package Arrives

"Holy fucking shit, okay, I'm breaking out the Romulan ale after that."

"After you have retrieved your child, correct _t'hy'la_? He is still in suspense at our neighbor's house." Spock stood in the kitchen doorway looking down at the rumpled mess of spouse.

"Will you get him, hon? I need to take a shower, and then I'm changing our sheets."

Spock exhaled slowly. "Very well. Take care of your pressing needs and I will gather our charge. But first you must do something for me, Jim."

Jim looked up.

"You must move. You are impeding my exit." The corner of Spock's mouth moved up ever-so-slightly, and Jim laughed outright.

"Okay, screwball, I'll move. Hey, Spock?" Jim became serious. "Thanks for making me laugh. I really needed that." He climbed up and walked up the stairs to their room.

Spock walked next door and pressed the door signal. David opened the door breathlessly and held out a hand in request for an explanation.

"It is better that I explain briefly, and in private." Spock led him back across the lawns and into his own house, and David looked around warily. "She is no longer present," Spock explained. "Your father had an unexpected guest and there was a disagreement as to their disposition and then she left. She will not be returning."

"How'd she get in?" David asked. "Did one of us forget to lock the door?"

"No, David. She circumvented the security system. Do not become alarmed unnecessarily. She will not be returning."

"You sound pretty certain about that fact," David observed. "Were those police with you?"

"Not precisely."

"That's all you can tell me, right?" David griped. "I'm going up to my room. If anything is missing – "

"I took inventory of your possessions while I was in your room. To my best recollection, everything is there."

David flushed and averted his eyes. Spock felt his cheeks heat as well and he closed his eyes entirely. Yes, Spock had found the pictures in the notebook in his desk. But as the humans said, _Like father, like son._ Spock would rather not have known, but he would survive in the aftermath.

There was the thundering sound of David running up the stairs and Spock opened his eyes in surprise. Then he gave a mental shrug and went in the kitchen and set the replicator for macaroni and cheese. It was easy, and it was something most everyone would tolerate that evening, although Jim would probably be wishing for meat. As an afterthought, Spock added a request for a chicken salad sandwich. That should be sufficient.

Jim came down first with a small smile on his face, but it wasn't a happy smile. It was a pained smile; something was definitely on his mind. Spock inquired silently.

"She knew where the phaser was."

Spock shut his eyes in sympathy to Jim's horror. Jim's prevalent fear, that she wanted to harm herself, apparently wasn't that far off the mark. After a moment he opened his eyes again.

"I am sorry, Jim. We were fortunate no one was harmed." Spock pulled out the food and set the table. "Are you able to ingest nutrients at this time?"

"How appetizing, Father. Why can't you ask if he can eat like everyone else?" David muttered as he walked in the kitchen, spun a chair around backwards, and straddled it. Spock looked at Jim askance and Jim held up in hands in surrender. David more than likely had inherited that maneuver from his sire. It was an amusing moment that lightened Jim and Spock's hearts.

"Turn your chair around and sit like a man, not a slob." The words of his mother came out of Jim's mouth easily.

"Correct your posture." Spock was right behind his mate.

David rolled his eyes, got up, turned the chair around, squared his shoulders, and sat down again. "You're welcome." He stayed quiet for a while, murmuring thanks as plates were passed around, and then in the middle of the meal he made his move. "Dad?"

"Mmm?"

"Is this going to happen often? You know, strangers in the house? Armed thugs accompanying you home? You and Father fighting over some student in love with you?"

"No," Jim dismissed easily. "This has totally been a whacked out month, David. Your father got bad news right as Solion died and then I got drunk and Spock left and then you got in a fistfight and CPS got involved and ..." Jim took a breath "... it's been hell, honestly. But think about the first eight months of the year! We were doing pretty good, weren't we?"

David swallowed his food and coughed discreetly. "Well, yeah. I had my soccer championship game and my brown belt exam and you and Father were there for both of them. But even though it's been a bad month, some cool stuff has happened. We got to see Uncle Bones and you and Father got closer, and Bridget and I got closer, and a whole bunch of good things happened while all this other – " A dramatic pause. " – _stuff_ was happening."

"An astute observation, David," Spock told him. "Apparently you have inherited your grandmother's optimism."

The doorbell rang and Spock felt a flash of fear through the bond. He stood swiftly, going to answer the summons. At the door was an Intergalactic Courier woman, holding a large box.

"James Kirk?"

Spock tilted his head. "May I sign for the package?"

She shook her head in response. "It's a personal delivery. Unless you're …" she checked her records, "... something Vulcan Spock." She looked up and noticed him for the first time and blushed.

Spock spoke his given name and nodded. She shrugged and handed him the tablet to sign for the package. When they had exchanged their loads she strolled back to the van waiting for her. Spock stopped and checked the box. It was written in Standard, with the exception of his last name, which was in Vulcan script. The return address was exceedingly familiar – the package was from Spock's father, Sarek.

"What is it?" Jim called from the kitchen.

Spock walked in and put the package on the counter. "It is from my father for you, Jim."

Jim wiped his mouth and got up, grabbing a knife from the drawer to open the box. He stuck his hand in and came up with a letter. Sarek's flowing handwriting filled the page. Jim started to read it, leaning against the counter.

_Dear James,_

_It is my unfortunate duty to be the executor of Ambassador Solion's estate. He left very little behind, however these particular items he impressed strongly were to be placed in your care. It is my understanding the smaller book is a journal of sorts, what you humans refer to as a diary. The larger set of books is his life story, written to be preserved by you._

_I must once again extend my deepest condolences on your loss. Solion spoke to me on numerous occasions concerning his friendship with you, almost to the point where I believed he was attempting to "sell" you to me. I was not exactly sanguine when you joined with my son, however I believe the reference Solion made to me was the "kettle calling the pot black" and insisted I could in no way object to my son marrying a human since that was my choice as well. Solion was extremely wise, whether from his age or his experience I could not tell._

_Enclosed are the aforementioned books, as well as the security code for Solion's house here on New Vulcan. He has left his home to you and your spouse that you may spend more time near your family here. Solion was greatly impressed with the effort you took to reunite me and my son, and having discovered your family difficulties was concerned that you not be left alone in the future. I would remind him that my son would be there, of course, but he insisted he had to ensure your care in your later years. Take that as you may._

_Solion was not lucid in his last hours, but the last name on his lips was yours … or should I say, your counterpart's. I found a rendering he had done of his mate in his later years, and I must admit the physical similarities between you and your counterpart are many. However, Solion told me his James had remarkable hazel eyes, and that it took him off-guard when he first met you and your eyes were such a startling shade of blue. He would later state humorously that the gods had to remind him in the gentlest way possible that you were a Jim, but not his Jim, and that he should leave you to his counterpart._

_Your defense of Solion's decision to not affect this world made his life infinitely easier, Solion told me. When you came to his rescue after his medical scan revealed his true identity, he realized he had a friend in this universe. Your innocent shielding of him from Spock amused him. He explained you were under the impression that the universe would cease existence if the two made contact. I was able to follow your logic to that conclusion after Solion told me his exact words to you at the Delta Vega station. That you would go to such lengths to conceal your secret "cheerleader" from both Spock and the Admiralty gave me another insight into your character. I am honored you are my son by marriage._

_Solion had allowed me to make provisions so that my staff may assist with the upkeep of your new home while you are off-planet. When you are prepared to return, simply contact the Vulcan Embassy and your home will be made ready for your visit._

_Son, again, I am sorry for your loss and it is my most fervent desire that these tokens ease some of your discomfort. You will know what to share and what to keep silent. Peace and long life, my child._

_Sarek_


	48. Remembering Someone Else's Life

Jim wiped away a tear and placed the letter back in the box. Then he hoisted the package and jerked his head toward the stairs.

"I'm going upstairs. Will you take care of my plate?"

Spock nodded. David started to open his mouth and Spock silenced him by clearing his throat. The two finished dinner and David left for his room. Spock cleaned the kitchen and sat in the living room reading, not sure if he were welcome in the upstairs room as of yet.

He felt an emotional roller coaster over the next hour coming from his husband. Intense sadness, followed by anger, then fear, then overwhelming happiness and love. He was growing curious when Jim called out for him and he climbed the stairs expectantly.

When he opened the door and slipped in – shutting it behind himself – Jim was on the bed, reading from a small book. When Spock entered, he put the book aside and picked up a larger volume. He scooted the other manuscripts to the side and patted the bed for Spock to join him.

"I've been instructed to tell you about this, because knowing you, you'd do it again anyway if it were to happen today." Jim opened the book and began reading aloud.

" _Khan had us in an unremitting trap; the ships were too close for the_ Enterprise _to survive the blast. I made my decision in an instant, hurrying to the engine room. Commander Scott was unconscious, the apparent victim of radiation poisoning. The compartment to the reactor was obviously flooded, but that was my destination. If I were to bring the main engines back online, I could save the crew, but it would be at the cost of my own life."_

Jim paused to sip at his water. _"I was about to make my plan a reality when Doctor McCoy stopped me and pointed out the obvious, as was his_ modus operandi _. But his interruption served a purpose, for it occurred to me I did not have to leave existence without a trace. I could leave my_ katra _behind for my family, and more importantly for my mate, my love, my reason and my life, James Tiberius Kirk. Quickly, I disabled the doctor and melded with him, preparing the transfer. Then I took Mr. Scott's gloves and entered the compartment."_

Spock placed a hand on Jim's in support as his mate continued reading. _"I remember the pain of the burns, but the singleness of my dedication would not allow me to fail. After two minutes, I felt the engines surge back to life and I replaced the top to the reactor, leaning against the bulkhead in exhaustion. I had done my job, now it was up to Jim to get us out of danger before my sacrifice was in vain."_

The next part was obviously more difficult, because Jim was unable to continue. Spock gently took the book from his mate and found the place they had stopped, and read silently.

_I knew my time was limited, but before I could leave without a scene, Jim burst into the engine room. He had to be physically restrained, lest he release the deadly radiation into the whole ship. Finally he relented, and came to touch the wall between us. He called my name, and I knew I had to face him. I turned around and tried to pretend this was any other time he would call my name._

_My eyesight was gone, but I could see my_ t'hy'la _as clear as day before me. We spoke in generalities, because I knew this was being recorded, and the Admiralty was unaware of our union as of that time. I told him not to grieve, that it was logical. But even as I was speaking stoically my heart was crying out to my mate, asking him to understand what I had done and why. Jim's heart was calling out to me as well, begging me not to leave him alone._

_Finally, I could hold out no longer. My last words to my mate were that I had been, and always shall be his friend, and to live long and prosper. Then everything went dark._

Jim shuddered and Spock looked up. " _T'hy'la,_ were you aware of this?"

Jim shook his head. "He told me once he'd been through life, death, and beyond with his crew, but he wouldn't explain what he meant. Holy crap, he actually died! That means that Solion had to come back to life somehow. He'd been where no man had gone before!"

Spock nodded. "That means, in one timeline, you almost outlived me."

Jim crawled across the bed and wrapped himself around his spouse. "I don't want to think about it. I always counted myself lucky that you'd probably outlive me, because then I'd never have to be without you. Oh, God, poor me! He explained what I – he – did while Solion was dead. It was nothing short of miraculous, Spock. He came back for his mate. He saved him and brought him back to life."

Spock continued reading, spellbound. He read of the heroic rescue, the race to Vulcan to save McCoy and Solion, and the infamous _fal-tor-pan_ , which had not been done, as far as Spock knew, ever. When it got to the part where Solion remembered his Jim before anything or anyone else, Spock realized this was where Jim had been when he had felt the surge of love in the bond.

_As I turned around yet again, memories came flooding back of all the times Jim and I had stood side by side, and the nights we had laid face to face, body to body. I could not remember these people surrounding me, but his name was on my lips with a reverence I had only given to him._

" _Jim. Your name is Jim."_

" _Yes. Yes, Spock."_

_I wanted so badly to hold him against me, to feel his breath on my skin and his heart beating beneath my fingertips, but that would have to wait. I had the entire religious court, T'Lar, my father, and the bridge crew plus others in my presence. But later that night, I snuck out of my room and found my love, and we were one once again. I had never burned so hot as I did that night._

Spock closed the book and looked down. He had often chastised himself for his emotionality when it came to his mate. Now he saw it was just another part of him, and a part he did not have to be ashamed of. He placed the book to one side and put his arms around Jim.

"For every time I have turned away from you, for every kiss I have denied you and every night you have felt a stranger in your own marital bed, I am heartily sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, and if I had my way I would never hurt you again. Please know, I cherish you very deeply and I want you to be happy."

Jim leaned into the embrace and put his hands up on Spock's arm. "It's okay, baby, I know you meant well. I haven't been the best partner either. But we can take comfort in the fact that we always come back to each other. Apparently, not even death can separate us for long."

They kissed tenderly and then Jim gathered up the books and put them back in the courier package, storing them in the top of the closet. Jim and Spock prepared for bed and when everything was in its place Jim opened the door. Spock raised an eyebrow.

"The munchkin needs some reassurance, dude. It's been a really shitty month and tonight didn't help any. Can you handle it just for tonight?" Jim asked plaintively.

"Of course, _ashayam_. Would you like to suspend David's punishment early and allow him to close his door tonight?"

Jim laughed. "He's not _that_ pitiful. He can survive an open door until Sunday night. I'll be right back." Jim stepped into the hallway and over to his son's room. "Knock knock," he called.

"Hey Dad," David replied, looking over his shoulder. He was playing an ancient Atari game on his computer. He shut it off and got up to hug his old man good night. "Grandfather upset you?" he inquired gently.

"No, kid, he made me happy. I seem to recall a wise young boy who said sometimes the happiness leaks out and people cry. It's still true to this day."

David blushed and shrugged. "Okay. Well, have a good night, Dad. I'll see you tomorrow. Hey, tomorrow's Friday! Something good is bound to happen, right?"

"Sure, dude. I bet so. Have a good night." Jim meandered back in his room and climbed into bed, shutting off his light. Spock got in beside him and Jim rolled on one side and tucked a hand under Spock's shoulder. They lay peacefully until Spock sent a very specific message to Jim. Jim rolled over on top of Spock, straddling him, and leaned down to kiss him.

"The door is open," Jim told him softly.

"Please close it for approximately thirty eight minutes."

Jim laughed breathlessly. "You have us timed now?"

"It is an estimate," Spock defended himself. Jim got up and shut the door and resumed his previous activity. Spock pulled the covers over Jim's head and in the darkness giggling sounded. Then silence fell, punctuated only by passionate kisses.


	49. Holy Hell Breaks Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: There is a point to all this drama, that won't be revealed until later. Hang in there with me and don't give up hope on the boys. They'll be fine, I promise you. This is one of my stories, so there's bound to be a happy ending.

David rolled out of bed slowly, acutely aware of the fact that he had snored during the night. Of all the things to inherit from his father... He got his clothes ready and staggered down the hall and into the bathroom. He took as hot of a shower as he could stand to wake up and as he was washing his hair he heard his father shouting down the hall. Wow – his dad must have really been screaming for David to have heard it in the shower. David hurried up and finished.

By the time he got out of the shower, the house was silent again, and David started to think he had imagined the whole thing. He brushed his teeth and as he was putting his toothbrush up, he noticed a razor with a note attached to it. _Be careful. Dad._ David grinned and washed his face, moving the laser over his skin carefully. When he was done he ran his finger over the smooth skin and smiled. Then he thought about whether he wanted to shave or not. He might prefer to grow out his beard. He put the razor away and left the bathroom.

He stuck his head in his parents' room, but it was empty. The computer was still on and David tiptoed in to see what was on the screen. It was a picture of a home on New Vulcan. It looked vaguely familiar, like David had seen it before somewhere. Then David recalled the picture of Ambassador Solion outside his home, and realized it was Solion's house. Dad and Father couldn't have been arguing about Solion's house. They'd only been there two or three times since David was little, but they both loved it there. David shut off the monitor and went downstairs to continue his silent search for clues.

Jim was downstairs, and when David walked in he raised bloodshot eyes to his son. David hesitated, noticing the tear stains and the acute absence of his stepfather, and went to the replicator to order cereal.

"So, uh … you guys have another fight?" David tried as tactfully as he could.

Jim exhaled and ate the last of his eggs. "Something like that."

"Father said once that you told someone you two run like a performance engine – better when hot. So if that's true, you're bound to make up any second now, right? Well, except for Father's gone who knows where and you're sitting here alone."

"Your father's at school and I'm taking the bus any second now, I swear."

David nodded and munched on his cereal. The two sat in silence until David put his bowl in the cleaner and picked up his messenger bag in the hall.

"So, I have to go to school now. You're going to be alright, right Dad?"

Jim chuckled bitterly. "You know, it's the father's job to check up on his son, not the other way around. Yes, I'll be fine. I'm going to go upstairs and get dressed and go warp the minds of our impressionable youth, same as I do every day." Jim paused. "I need to talk to you when you get a chance tonight."

David halted. "What's wrong?"

"No, no, nothing's _wrong_ per se, just wanted to run an idea past you."

"Okay," David replied cautiously. "See you tonight." He escaped out the door.

* * *

David was distracted most of the day by his father's strange behavior and last request. He answered a calculus problem completely backward and the class laughed at him. In Advanced Vulcan he conjugated a verb incorrectly, managing to mangle a language he had heard spoken at home half his life. It just seemed he couldn't do anything right. When the final bell rang he dashed out of the building and hopped up on the bus, thinking the day couldn't possibly get any worse. He had almost convinced himself of this when his stepfather boarded the bus and beckoned to him. David rose, humiliated once more, and followed his parent to the parking lot.

"I apologize for the damage I may have caused your reputation by that maneuver, however I believe it to have been necessary. Your father and I require an audience with you." Spock unlocked the car and the two got in.

David glanced sideways at Spock as they drove through the city. "You made Dad cry again," David began caustically. "You know you said you'd stop that."

"I did, and I apologize again," Spock began. "It seems the entirety of my actions lately is to apologize. I am hoping you will give me yet another chance, as will your father."

"What the hell is going on between you two, anyway?" David demanded. "You're fighting, you're making up, you're either at each others' throats, or your finding new creative ways to prove your love. I can't make heads or tails of what you're doing. Are you getting a divorce?"

The car slowed, and no answer was immediately forthcoming, but David was hoping and praying it was "no". So many of his friends' parents had gotten divorced, and he had been so proud that his parents were still going strong. He may have miscalculated about that fact.

They pulled into the driveway and Spock shut down the car but didn't get out. David sat beside him, for he had seen his stepfather struggling for words before and David knew Spock had something important to say to him.

"I cannot … readily answer your question," Spock finally began brokenly. "I do not desire to dissolve our union, however I cannot change your father's opinion if that is the conclusion he has drawn."

_I don't want a divorce, but your father might,_ David's mind translated. "Oh. Okay. Well, just so you know, I'm not taking sides. I love you both, and I don't want to hurt either one of you."

Spock shook his head. "You would not injure me by siding with your birth parent. I will be available for you for the rest of my life, should you ever need me. That goes whether your father and I are joined or not."

David turned sideways and held up a hand in the _ta'al_ in a request for a Vulcan hug. Spock pressed his hand against David's.

"You're always going to be my Daddy Two. I'm really sorry, Father. I wish I could get Dad to straighten up for once. You're the best thing to happen to him, even better than me if you ask me. Don't give up on him yet." David released the embrace and got out of the car.

Spock exited the car and went in the house, where Jim met him in the hallway.

"David's in the bathroom. He gave me a rather dirty look when he came in. Did he figure it out or did you tell him?"

Spock raised a shoulder gently. "Perhaps a bit of both. He does not know the details, however."

David trudged back down the stairs and glared at his father. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's hear this 'idea' you want to run past me."

Jim led the two to the back room and sat on the sofa. Spock sat beside him, and David remained standing. "I'd rather take it on my feet," was his explanation.

Jim nodded and cleared his throat. "Your father and I are at an impasse right now, and I suggested that we take a trip to clear the air, and I was voted down, so I decided I was going to go without him."

"Or me," David supplied in frustration. "You're going to New Vulcan." It wasn't a question.

Again Jim nodded. "I'm going to see your grandpa for a bit, and get my head on straight. The next time I come home home hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind, and I'll be a better partner and a better father for you both."

"You know you're running away, right?" David snapped. "It got too tough for you and you're going to tuck tail and run like a coward. Jesus, at this point I'd be ashamed to admit you're my father. How dare you leave Mr. Spock like that? Don't you think _he_ wants to go home too? He's being the bigger man and staying behind while you run. Fucking coward."

Jim stood swiftly. "Mouth. Watch it."

"No, James," Spock replied, standing as well. He straightened to his full height, a good three inches over his husband. "You believe David to be a man, well, part of manhood is choosing your words. And quite frankly, though I would never have said it, it was thoroughly appropriate."

Jim averted his gaze. "I stand corrected." He dropped back down on the sofa. "See? I can't even parent right."

David cracked his neck. "Do you need anything else, Father?"

Spock looked down at the boy and softened. "No, David, you may leave for your room."

"Hey! I'm not done here," Jim exclaimed.

"What else is there to say, Jim? You said it all. You and I are disagreeing, you are leaving us behind while you go 'fix' yourself, and we do not know for certain whether this is permanent or not."

"I never wanted it to be like this!" the blond ground out. "God, don't you think this is killing me? Look, I'm _sorry_ , alright? But if I stay, I hurt you. If I leave, I hurt you. What am I supposed to do?"

"Why don't you just stop hurting everyone?" David asked quietly. His eyes teared up and he shook his head. "Makes you wonder which one of us is the grown up and which one is the kid." He walked off slowly, back up the stairs and up to his room. Spock heard him close his door, but he wasn't going to enforce that punishment right now. The boy was in enough turmoil as it was.


	50. Bed Of Roses

Spock looked at Jim sadly and lifted a shoulder. "Perhaps the boy has a point. I am going upstairs. Please, do not follow me." He turned and left Jim alone in the living room.

Jim stood there, numb, wanting to scream out at the injustice of it all. Finally he trudged in the kitchen and reached above the refrigerator to pull down the bottle of Romulan ale. He set it on the kitchen table and sat opposite it, staring it down. The pale blue liquid shimmered in the sunlight coming from the kitchen door, and it seemed to mock him and his resolve. _Drink me,_ he imagined it calling.

"Well, I'm not drinking you. Not tonight. I won't disrespect Spock like that. You can go to hell." Jim picked up the bottle and hefted it a couple of times, weighing the decision to smash it into the wall. But that would be just as childish. Finally he put it back on the refrigerator and sat in a chair, tears tracking down his cheeks. Nobody ever said being a man would be easy, he supposed. But he had to do something. Finally he went to the downstairs comm station and dialed a number.

"Vulcan Embassy, Ambassador Sarek's office."

"May I speak with the ambassador please? It's Jim Kirk."

The Tellarite woman shook her head. "The Ambassador is away at the moment, may I take a message?"

"This is Jim Kirk," Jim repeated. "I'm his son-in-law. I need to know where he is."

The woman transferred him silently and finally a human man answered the line.

"Vulcan Embassy New York, how may I direct your call?"

Jim sighed. "I'm trying to track down Ambassador Sarek. This is – "

"You would be his son. I understand. One moment, Captain Kirk." The line went to static for a moment and then the screen showed an older Vulcan man.

"Greetings, this is Ambassador Sarek."

"Hey, Dad, it's Jim." Jim lowered his eyes. "I really need your help."

"Did you and my son have another altercation?" Sarek asked politely.

"Yes, Father. But this time, it's come to my attention that I'm not exactly doing right by my son and my mate. I need to get away, farther away than Iowa. I need to come home, Father."

"Will you be traveling alone?" Sarek asked pointedly.

"Yes, sir."

Sarek inhaled. "What is your purpose for this trip?"

Jim chuckled bitterly. "Well, at this point if a human could complete Kolinahr I think I'd be up for it. I need to clear my head for a while, and I can't do it at my mom's, not with my ex in the same backyard. I need to come home and I need you to help me because ..." Jim choked on a sob " … because I'm hurting everyone and I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

Sarek closed his eyes briefly. "Child, you are welcome to return home with me. I was scheduled to depart tomorrow evening. I will arrive at your domicile in four hours' time to collect you. Bring whatever you believe necessary, but I assure you, this is not going to be a one-way trip, do you understand me?"

"Yes sir," Jim sniffled. "Thank you, Father."

"I certainly cannot say it is my pleasure. It is my duty. Live long and prosper, James."

"Peace and long life," Jim replied and shut off the machine.

He looked up and Spock was standing in the doorway, hands in a steeple before him. "You are going through with this?"

"Yes. I have to. I need help, Spock, and short of sending me to the Federation funny farm, I think this is the best solution. Please say you understand, Spock."

"I cannot say I understand as of yet, James, but I will say I accept it. Come upstairs. We will pack your belongings together and speak as a couple until my father arrives." Spock led him upstairs.

While they were packing, a song kept rolling through Jim's mind, and he stopped to look it up on the Intergalactic Web. When he found it, he laughed mirthlessly. It was by Bon Jovi. How appropriate, considering he had sung a Bon Jovi love song to Spock just last year. Pressing play, he turned up the speakers.

_Sittin' here wasted and wounded at this old piano_

_Trying hard to capture the moment this morning I don't know._

_'Cause a bottle of vodka is still lodged in my head,_

_And some blond gave me nightmares, think that she's still in my bed._

_As I dream about movies_

_They won't make of me when I'm dead._

Spock looked up and devoted a little more attention to the song.

_With an iron-clad fist I wake up and French kiss the morning_

_While some marching band keeps its own beat in my head_

_While we're talking_

_About all of the things that I long to believe_

_About love, the truth, what you mean to me and the truth is,_

_Baby you're all that I need._

Jim sang along with the chorus.

_I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses_

_For tonight I'll sleep on a bed of nails._

_I wanna be just as close as your Holy Ghost is._

_And lay you down on a bed of roses._

_Well I'm so far away, the step that I take's on my way home._

_A king's ransom in dimes I'd give each night to see_

_Through this pay phone._

_Still I run out of time or it's hard to get through_

_'Till the bird on the wire flies me back to_

_You I just close my eyes whisper baby, blind love is true._

The second chorus had Jim in tears again and his voice cracked.

_Well this hotel bar's hangover whiskey's run dry,_

_The barkeeper's wig's crooked_

_And she's givin' me the eye._

_Well I might have said yeah_

_But I laughed so hard I think I died._

_Now as you close your eyes_

_Know I'll be thinking about you,_

_While my mistress she calls me to stand in her spotlight again._

_Tonight I won't be alone_

_But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely._

_I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend._

Spock realized Jim was singing about what his life would be like without him in it, and his heart hurt a little more. Jim knew he was nothing without his mate, but he felt he couldn't stay. It was ultimately a Kobayashi Maru.

The chorus sounded two more times and the synthesizer died away. Jim shut off the speakers and sighed, and Spock inched over and wrapped his arms around his mate.

"This is killing me," Jim murmured into Spock's shoulder.

"I know, _ashayam_. If there were another way …."

"Can't you just give me an exorcism or something?" Jim muttered. "There's got to be a way to get me to stop being such a gigantic asshole."

"You have never resembled the exterior opening to the anus," Spock scolded his mate with reproach.

"You know what I mean, Spock. I'm a dick. I've almost lost my son, I've almost lost you, I'm lucky my mom still speaks to me and I'm even more damned lucky that your father will acknowledge me. Something's got to change."

Spock inhaled, just have Jim's scent in his mind, and through the bond he said, _I will be the answer at the end of the line._

Jim shook his head. "No, Spock, I'm not worthy of that right now. Maybe when I get back."

"Yes you are worthy, Jim. Please remember the words we spoke to each other nearly thirteen years ago, and the words to which we walked down the path. _In the burning of uncertainty, I will be your solid ground. I will hold the balance if you can't look down._ "

Jim shuddered against Spock, and Spock reached up blindly to wipe the tears away, only to find his mate's face dry.

"I haven't got any more tears," Jim told his husband. "I want to cry so bad and yet I can't."

" _Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind,"_ Spock finished in a deep tone. "You will get through this, Jim. I have faith that you will persevere and you will emerge from this turmoil stronger than ever. I have faith in you, and I have faith in us. You are, after all, my _t'hy'la_."

"I have nightmares where you tell me it was all a mistake, that we aren't _t'hy'la_ at all. I have dreams where you walk away and never return. But I never thought I would be the one to walk away."


	51. Leaving San Francisco

Spock pressed his nose into Jim's hair and tried to hold on as tight as he could. It seemed Jim was leaving forever, not for a little while. The thought of the other Spock, dying in a chamber while his Jim cried out for him, crossed Spock's mind and he twitched. _Apparently, not even death can separate us for long,_ this Jim had said. Would life succeed where death had failed before?

"I want you to know, you didn't do this to me," Jim told Spock as they packed his clothes. Spock handed Jim a long sleeved shirt and Jim vetoed it, opting for a short sleeve Oxford shirt in the closet. Jim was trying to pack as cool as possible in anticipation of the heat of the planet the Vulcan colony was on. Spock was trying to remind him of the chilly desert nights.

"I understand. I cannot help but have a certain ownership in our relationship's demise, however. I had apologized numerous times; had I changed my behavior sooner, perhaps this would not have come about."

"Hey, we're not quits. We're just taking a break," Jim reminded him.

"Of course."

When Jim was packed, Spock accompanied him downstairs and placed the luggage by the door. Jim held up a finger and motioned upstairs. He wished to talk to his son one last time. Spock nodded and went into the kitchen to fix dinner.

Jim knocked on the door and opened it, finding David on the comm with Bridget. Bridget saw Jim in the background and her face became stoic. David turned around and waved his dad in.

"I've got to go. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Love you."

"Talk to you tomorrow. All my love, Greg." Bridget disappeared and David shut off the comm.

"What can I do for you?" David asked politely.

"Well, um, do you want to have dinner together, as a family, one more time?"

David shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm pretty much done with this family."

Jim felt anger stirring and inhaled slowly through his nose. "That's pretty harsh. You're going to be here almost two more years. Don't you want to stay in touch for when things are better?"

"I called Mom, and she said she and Jakob will be happy to have me. She's calling the school tomorrow to arrange my transfer. I'm going back to Riverside."

Jim's heart stopped and he held out a hand. "You're going to leave your father alone here?"

"Like you're not doing the same?"

Jim felt his cheeks heat. "Well, I plan on coming back. I think. I'm pretty sure I'm coming back. Don't do this to Spock. Things are hard enough on him as it is."

"So it's okay for you to jump ship but not me?" David bit out. "Forget you. I'm going home to Mom and Gramma Winona. I'm done with this. Please leave. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"What happened to your not taking sides?"

"Oh, I'm equally pissed at both of you. Why do you think I'm up here, in my room, instead of down there with you and Father? I don't want to see either one of you. Please leave."

Jim was about to leave when Spock cleared his throat. "Please do not let your father leave with this animosity between you. May the gods forbid, if an unpleasant event were to occur you would not wish this to be the way you left your relationship."

David felt cold dread go through his heart and his stomach clinched. He stood up and hugged his dad. "I'm sorry, Dad. Please come back. Father needs you."

"I'll do my best," Jim promised. He kissed the top of his son's curly-haired head and walked out of the room.

"Do you really worry that something's going to happen while he's gone?" David asked Spock.

"Life is often more unpredictable than we give it credit," Spock quoted his mother. "Again, may the gods forbid." Spock walked out of the room and shut the door behind himself. When it opened a second later, he turned back around.

"I'm still on punishment," David explained, and went back in the room.

Spock went downstairs and smelled something utterly foul. He looked in the living room and found Jim sitting at the computer, eating … a hot dog. With chili and onions. Spock felt himself wanting to gag.

"Sorry," Jim mumbled around a mouthful. "I got hungry and I needed comfort food. Nothing says 'you're okay' like a hot dog."

Spock was still swallowing his disgust and finally physically turned away from the sight. He shuddered and began to breathe through his mouth. "No, I understand. I foresee many nights of Plomeek soup in my future. Do you wish me to inform you when your son returns to Riverside?"

Jim grunted an _uh-huh_ and wiped his mouth. "Okay, Spock, I have a confession to make."

"Confession?"

"Yeah, um, I ate that monstrosity with a purpose in mind." Jim gestured to his mouth and he said, "The last thing you'll taste of me will be the first thing you tasted of me, the very first time you kissed me. They say the senses link memories. I want you to remember every last kiss."

Then Jim came and kissed Spock, slowly and deeply. Spock resisted at first, just as he had in the beginning, but then he melted into the embrace and returned the kiss enthusiastically. In Spock's mind, almost in slow motion, he saw him and Jim kissing in Jim's quarters. Then he saw Jim kissing him as they made love on their wedding night. He saw every kiss, just as Jim had predicted, and he realized he couldn't live without this man. He tasted salt, and realized one of them, or both of them, were crying.

" _Ashayam,_ " Spock breathed. He held on even tighter. "What am I to do without you?"

"Hang on, hon, because when I come back I'm going to be better for you. I won't let you down again."

Spock swallowed and nodded. "I will remember."

They sat on the sofa holding each other for another hour, until Jim began to fall asleep. Spock laid him his lap and waited. True to his word, exactly four hours had passed after the call when the door signal chimed. Jim sat up with a snort.

"It is Father. I will answer the door and carry your luggage to the vehicle." Spock got up and went to the door. "Greetings. May I offer you refreshment?"

"No, thank you," Sarek answered uncharacteristically. Spock blinked and his father went on. "I am here to collect James. I see his belongings are packed; I will ask my assistant to carry them to the vehicle."

"I will carry them, Father," Spock told him. He started to pick a suitcase up and Sarek stopped him.

"You are ceasing your cohabitation, if not your entire affiliation. Have some dignity, Spock, and allow him to make the ending as clean as possible."

"But Father," Spock exclaimed, "he _will_ return to me."

Sarek's eyes were particularly cold. "Time will tell, child. Ah, Captain Kirk, your transport awaits. I will send my assistant back in three minutes to gather your luggage. You may say your goodbyes now." He walked away stiffly.

Jim turned around and looked into Spock's eyes. "I guess this is it. Um, take care of yourself. I'll spend as little money as I can, since you're going to be down to one income. Uh, I guess I'll call you when I get in to New Vulcan. See ya soon," he finished awkwardly and held out his hand to shake.

Spock stared at the appendage as if it were an alien creature and then held out two fingers in a Vulcan kiss. Jim kissed him back and a man walked up dressed in a tunic and pants, obviously the chauffeur. He took the luggage and waited for Jim, who looked Spock over one last time and walked away. The other man opened the trunk, put the luggage away, and opened the door for Jim. Then two minutes later the car drove away.

Spock shut the door and stared unseeing at the metal before him. He heard soft footsteps on the stairs but didn't turn around to face his stepson. He didn't want David to see him crying.

"Father, are you alright?"

Spock still had a lump in his throat and wasn't the swiftest to answer. David crept down the stairs and turned Spock around, reaching up with a trembling hand and using his thumb to wipe away Spock's tears. Then he wrapped his arms around Spock and put a hand on the back of Spock's head, drawing it down.

"It'll be alright, Daddy Two. I won't leave you. I'm sorry I said I would. I'll stay. Please don't cry."

Spock straightened and shook his head. "If you are unhappy here, and you would prefer proximity to your intended, it is entirely acceptable for you to leave this dwelling. I lived on my own for multiple years before your father. You should not be troubled on my behalf."

"It's just not right, that he gets to fall apart and you never do. He wouldn't _know_ what to do if you went to pieces on him. It feels like he's taking advantage of the situation, knowing you're his rock and that he can lean on you without end. What if _you_ need someone to lean on? Who are you supposed to turn to?"

Spock's mind went back two years and he blushed. He had entered _pon farr_ for only the second time, and it was still difficult. They'd sent David to his mother's house and Doctor McCoy had arrived to monitor them, but they got through it. Jim had held him, assuring him over and over that they had survived and that he was okay. True, Jim usually leaned on Spock, but every seventh year, _Spock_ had to lean on _Jim_.

"I have relied on your father in the past, and I will continue to do so," Spock explained finally. He extracted himself from his stepson's embrace and motioned to the kitchen. "I have not yet eaten, would you care to join me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ugh. So much turmoil. Let's hope the boys figure this out sooner rather than later. We're coming up on the end, so hang on tight. Thank you so much for your continued support. All of you - named reviewers and guests - keep me going.


	52. Answers In Sight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: From here on out there's really no stopping this train so I'm just going to give it to you all at once. Thank you for being so patient with me and thanks for all your love and support. It meant the world to me. Thank you once again. And now, for the tumultuous end of The Road To Hell.

On the _Proclamation_ , Jim sat quietly, watching the stars streak by at warp. Sarek sat across from him facing him, watching him with intent dark eyes.

Sarek shifted in his seat and laid his book down in his lap. "Son, are you well?" Jim looked over listlessly and then nodded. "Is there anything I can do for you, child?"

Jim tore his eyes away again and sighed. "Father, why don't you hate me? Why are you being so nice to me? I just broke your son's heart. You should be aiming a phaser at me, or neck-pinching me, or something evil."

Sarek gave a deep chuckle, and Jim's eyes opened wide. "Child, drop the melodrama. You are human. I believe you when you say this is a 'break' and not a permanent separation. My wife once told me she wished to return to Earth alone for a period, to 'recharge her batteries' as she put it. I understand the necessity of taking a separate vacation from one's spouse. I cannot fault you for your human nature."

"Do you think you can help me, Father? Can you help make me a better bondmate for Spock, and a better person in general? You and the Lady Amanda are the ones who raised Spock. If you can do it for him, can you do it for me?" Jim was pleading at the end.

Sarek gave Jim an odd look. "I do not comprehend the tactics for such an endeavor with a nearly forty year old human. I raised Spock from birth. The two are not the same; they are not even similar."

Jim slumped. "I know. You're right."

"That is not to say I am unable to assist you whatsoever. I have been in contact with the Masters at Tovula and they have agreed to take you on as a student for a period, to better train your mind." Sarek raised an eyebrow. "Your thoughts are chaotic and unstructured, even more so than in an average human. I believe you may be suffering a chemical imbalance. The healer will discover this and assist you in your recovery."

Jim barked a harsh laugh. "You'll help me because you think I'm _nuts?_ Jeez, thanks Father. Way to lighten my mood."

Sarek shook his head. "Have you ever heard of the condition manic depression?"

Now Jim's jaw dropped. "You think I'm bipolar?"

"It is rare, but entirely possible. I have not ever melded with you personally, and I am not a healer, so I would not know. However, your behavior strongly suggests such a possibility."

Jim scooted up in his seat. "And if I am?"

"A healer will be brought in and the treatment will be effected. Unless you would _decline_ …."

"No," Jim laughed, "if I need it I'll agree to it. You really think that's what's been bugging me? Huh. Why wouldn't Spock have noticed?"

"What is the humans say? 'Too close to the tree'?"

Jim laughed again. "Can't see the forest for the trees. Gotcha." Jim looked out the portal again. "I wonder what Spock's doing right now?"

"As it is 0247 Pacific Time, most likely he is asleep, as you should be, James. Rest. Your answers will not appear overnight without work. We begin tomorrow."

* * *

Spock woke and wondered why his alarm hadn't sounded before his mind told him it was Saturday. He rolled over to speak to his husband and the bed was cold and empty. It struck Spock all over – Jim was gone.

The next thing that occurred to him was that he smelled food downstairs. He got up and took an abbreviated shower (no one to converse with) and dressed, heading down to the kitchen.

David was sitting there with a plate of eggs and something that looked vaguely like sand, and a glass of orange juice.

"Good morning, Father. How did you sleep?"

"What is it your father says? 'Like the dead'."

David chuckled. "Okay, so you're at peace with what's happening?"

Spock paused and sipped at the orange juice. "I would not go quite that far. I have left the stage of denial and am more than likely in the process of bargaining."

"Five stages of grief," David replied knowingly. "I guess if I was in that model I'd still be in denial. Or anger. I could totally be in anger. I _am_ pretty pissed at you two."

Spock raised a hand and touched his chest. "For what reason are you displeased with _me_?"

David turned the chair around backwards and raised his foot, then paused, put the foot back down, reversed the chair again, and sat down primly.

"Well, you're not entirely blameless in this, Father. You've been riding Dad mercilessly ever since I knew you. You've gotten worse in the past year. There are times you're really unforgiving, like your birthday and … um … Nero and stuff. Then sometimes you're playful and fun to be around. It's like you loosen up for a bit. But I never take it for granted because I know it's going to end soon."

Spock closed his eyes for a moment. David's honest appraisal of his behavior left him ashamed and regretful. _I 'get it' now, Jim,_ he sent out, knowing it would never reach its destination.

"Is it that obvious?" he asked before he drank some more juice.

David shrugged and went to the replicator for his usual bowl of cereal. "Not all the time, just when you're really harsh, or really loose. Like when we're playing soccer, you're so relaxed and happy. Or when Dad decides to have a drink, just _one_ drink, and you don't speak to him for the rest of the night. Then it's blatant."

"But Dad's not innocent either, Father. He goes hot, he goes cold, and you never know which direction the wind is blowing in _casa_ _Kirk._ He can come at you out of nowhere and be a real bear, or he can break down in tears and leave you wondering what it was you said. You've been walking on eggshells around him for over a decade, and we're lucky you haven't snapped from the pressure."

"Where are you getting this wisdom from, David? It sounds vaguely familiar. Is it a text?"

David grinned. "Nope. Grandfather. When Dad didn't call this morning I called him and he talked with me for a while. By the way, whoops, I forgot the time difference. He wasn't mad, though. He wanted to make sure I was okay and he wanted me to stay in touch if I went to Mom's. I told him I'm not going and he kinda seemed relieved. But I can never tell. What a poker face."

"Did you wake my father?"

"No, he was awake. He said Dad wasn't resting too well after the trip but not to worry because a healer was with him at that very moment."

"A healer? Is he unwell?"

David looked away for a moment before meeting his stepfather's eyes. "We need to talk."

Spock's heart stuttered in his chest. "Are you imparting devastating news? Should I be concerned for my mate?" He paled. "Is Jim dying?"

"NO." David shook his head rapidly. "No, Dad's going to live forever. Father, did you ever notice anything unusual when you melded with Dad?"

Spock considered the question. "Define 'unusual'. Your father's mind is most sincerely one of a kind and I have never encountered a similar psyche in my years. It has a … flavor? … that is most peculiar. It most certainly impacts me greatly whenever I am in direct contact with his mind. But out of the ordinary such as to cause great concern? Not particularly."

David frowned and said, "Grandfather thinks Dad's crazy."

"My father would not have used that vernacular. What were his exact words?"

"He believes Dad has bipolar disorder and he's been untreated but passing his psych evals sheerly on his acting skills. The huge ups and downs and the patterns? It makes sense, Father, don't shake your head at me."

Spock stopped but continued to frown. "I would have known."

"Grandfather says you can't see the forest for the trees. And _that's_ an exact quote."


	53. I Get It Now

Spock felt his cheeks flush and looked away. Could he have been too close to maintain objectivity? He thought back to the last time he had melded with Jim. Jim had been extremely emotional, but they were in the throes of _pon farr_. It was to be expected. The time before, however, there was no immediate crisis, and Jim was still radically emotive, to the point that Spock had a headache when he was done with the meld. Realization dawned on him and he had to force himself to close his mouth.

It was so patently obvious, when you thought about it. The manic energy, the sudden crashes, the affinity for alcohol (and other substances in his youth), and the unpredictability of it all. The strangest thing that occurred to Spock was one of Jim's favorite songs – "Mrs. Robinson", done by a group named Simon and Garfunkel in the twentieth century. It seemed to follow a woman committed for psychiatric treatment and her subsequent recovery (or not).

"We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files," Spock murmured to himself.

"What?"

"Excuse me. It was not meant for your ears. I understand now, David. What is my father's course of action?"

"Well, that's what the healer was there for," David began uncertainly. "If he needs treatment he'll have to go into the main city for a couple of days for a Vulcan trained in human medicine to take care of him. It sounds like a relatively easy procedure – just a certain shock and then he has to take something called lithium. They say the condition is older than dirt and people live perfectly well with it."

Spock nodded. "I should be there with him."

"No," David countered. "Grandfather says this time apart is going to do you good. He says you're becoming codependent and that it's not healthy and that you need to be separate individuals for a while just to get your perspective back."

Spock sat back in his chair. "Is there any other news, _Doctor_ Marcus?"

David laughed. "Yeah. Mom says hi and to call her any time you need anything whatsoever, because 'he's like that icky green moss that covers river rocks – he grows on you and it kinda feels nice'."

Spock tipped his head to the boy. "I have not had higher praise."

The comm station sounded and David leapt up. "It's probably Bridget. I'll get it." He went to the other room and Spock heard him speak, then return quickly. "Father, it's Grandfather. He has news about Dad. Can I listen in?"

"You _may_ ," Spock corrected him out of habit. The two stood in front of the screen. "Greetings, Father. I understand you have news?"

Sarek looked tired but triumphant. He was in a medical suite. "My hypothesis was indeed correct. James is suffering from manic depression. He has received his electroconvulsive correction and taken his first dose of lithium, and is resting quietly. I will have him comm you when he wakes."

Spock exhaled and sat down. "How did you know, Father? And how could I have _not_ known?"

"I began to study psychological manifestations shortly after your first Time and his reactions to the ensuing chaos. There were certain patterns that struck me as particularly embedded – the wild shifts from one direction to the other in particular. When I read about what the ancient society referred to as 'bipolar disorder' I realized his periodic stability was indeed a red herring and that, should the situation deteriorate, he should receive medical assistance. As for your second question, I believe my grandson has already repeated my words as to that query."

"Cannot see the forest for the trees," Spock muttered. "Father, thank you, but I have a question now: how will this affect James' career? Two days ago, they offered him a seat on the Admiralty. What will occur now?"

Sarek held up a hand. "There is no reason he will have to leave Starfleet. However, I do not know what their reaction will be concerning any promotions. He may be held at the rank of captain for the rest of his career."

Spock became sad. "Ah. Well, there is no reason to tell James now. He may refuse further treatment if he were to learn such a devastating thing. As this is not on his record as of now, I formally request you hold the records yourself and do not forward them to Doctor McCoy. We will treat this as quietly as possible – "

"Spock, you don't have to hide this," Jim interjected as he walked up behind Sarek. He was dressed in pajamas and his hair was rather tousled. He rubbed his eyes and yawned loudly. "Sorry. Hon, I'm not scared. I'm not ashamed. If I go no further in Starfleet, so be it. If I get booted _out_ of Starfleet, then it's been a hell of a ride. But I have to do this for you, and more importantly, I have to do this for _me._ It's beyond time. I'm ready to stop being a brat and grow up, and if it means I swallow a little tablet every day for the rest of my life, then bring it on. I'm tired of running, Spock."

" _Ashayam,_ " Spock breathed. "Are you certain?"

"I'll call Bones myself when I wake up, I promise. I'm going to be here for a couple of days, so you just get comfy and take care of you for a while. When I get home I am going to baby you for at least two whole days. You mark your calendar. I've got to lie back down. I'll talk to you later. Love you."

Spock touched the screen out of reflex and his father averted his eyes as Spock regained his composure. Finally Spock cleared his throat and Sarek looked back.

"You were saying?" Sarek began.

"It was of no importance. You obviously have the situation well under control and I will leave you to rest for the night. Thank you, Father. Thank you for caring for my mate."

"You would have done the same," Sarek remarked off-hand. "Have a pleasant day, Spock. I will be in contact with you tonight."

"Good day, Father."


	54. Mixed Metaphors And Love

Jim got up and peed first off, because lord, did he have to pee! When he was done he got dressed and went in the other room, where Sarek was on the comm.

"... I will be out of contact for approximately two point eight weeks. If there is an emergency you may reach me at my travel number, however, be certain you have an emergency because I will not react kindly to being disturbed for – " He spoke a word that roughly translated to "bullshit" in Standard. Jim snickered and he looked over. "I will speak with you again at another time. Peace and long life."

"How did you rest, James?"

Jim shrugged. "I slept fine, I just had really vivid dreams and when I woke I had to piss like a racehorse. But the healer said to expect that." Then he said, "Sorry, language, I know."

"It is time for your next dose," Sarek began, standing and walking to the counter. "Would you prefer water or _t'lalka_ juice to take your medicine with?"

Jim made a face and shivered. "Water's fine, Father. I've never quite developed a taste for _t'lalka_."

"How unusual, considering you drink tequila."

"Tomato, toemahtoe. Not the same thing." Jim's face went slack. "Holy shit, I can't drink anymore."

Sarek handed him his water and a small pill. "Is this news too disturbing for you?"

Jim tossed the pill down his throat and slammed the water to get it all down. The healer had stressed the importance of drinking a whole glass of water, which was akin to torture for Jim but he was determined to do it.

"No, I guess I can handle it. I'll have to find a home for my bottle of Romulan ale Bones gave me. Maybe, considering, I can give it back to him. Hey, I feel kinda numb. Is that normal?"

Sarek glanced at Jim with worry. "You are losing feeling? In your extremities or everywhere?"

"No, sorry, I'm not that clear right now. Mentally I feel sort of unusually zen. It's kinda frightening honestly. I'm scared I won't be able to feel Spock when I go home."

"No, the healer specified the use of lithium because it would not disturb a telepathic bond. Vulcans have bathed in lithium springs before for over an hour and still retained communication with their bondmates."

Jim nodded and stood there, stupefied. He seemed at a loss for his next action, and Sarek began to worry what this medication was going to do to the outgoing young man who had captured his son's heart. Then Jim seemed to brighten and he rubbed his hands together.

"Okay, I'm up for seeing the sights. No point in being stuck in the clinic all day – I'm _crazy,_ not dead."

"You are not 'crazy'," Sarek objected, secretly relieved to see the life back in those bright blue eyes. "You are merely a mental health consumer. There is no harm in that; my son was previously a consumer, soon after you first met, if you remember."

"Yeah, but he wasn't popping pills and sh – " Jim halted suddenly. " – stuff."

Sarek held up a finger. "Quite the contrary, he was taking medication to sleep at night. Just a mild antihistamine to ease his nerves at bedtime. Your Doctor M'Benga prescribed for him, and speaking of doctors, you have a call to make later today."

"Oh, I should do that now."

"Child, it is after office hours and well into night where Doctor McCoy is," Sarek warned him.

"There is no such thing as office hours when it comes to Jim Kirk, and second, it's only nine. He'll be up." Jim went to the comm station and dialed the number.

" _What?_ "

"Hey, Bones, whazzup old man?"

" _Old man. Look who's talking. Hey, where are you?"_

Jim looked behind himself. "Uh, I'm on New Vulcan. I need you to sit down, Bones, because I have some medical news that's going to really rock your world."

" _Oh, my God, you're pregnant."_

"No!" Jim laughed, and blushed when he realized his father-in-law could hear this entire conversation. "And little pitchers have big ears. No, Bones, you need to sit."

McCoy sat down and held up a hand. _"Are you dying? That's all I need to know right away."_

"No," Jim assured him. "I'm actually, well, Bones, I just got put on lithium."

" _Lithium?"_ McCoy frowned. _"What are you on lithium for? That's the oldest drug in existence for – you're shitting me. Oops, excuse me. You're kidding me, you've got bipolar disorder?"_ McCoy exhaled sharply. _"How did I not see this?"_

"Forest, trees," murmured the Vulcan behind Jim.

"Ambassador Sarek says the same thing he said about Spock – you couldn't see the forest for the trees. You've been inside kicking distance of me for nearly twenty years. If it got worse gradually and you just chalked it up to Jim being Jim, you might not have seen it. Quite frankly, I don't know how Sarek saw it either."

" _Well, heck. What's your dosage?_ " McCoy asked, grabbing his padd.

"I'm on 1200 milligrams right now just to start. I have to have a blood scan in three days to see how I'm adjusting to that and then we'll go from there. I'd like you to sit in on this. I have the healer's name and number here for you." Jim grabbed a card out of his wallet.

" _Shoot it to me,_ " his friend replied. They exchanged information and Jim put the card away. _"So, Jimbo, tell me, what's next? How's Spock taking this?"_

Jim grew quiet and pensive, and McCoy nodded. _"It's okay, Jim. If he can't handle it, I'll kick his ass personally. My apologies, Ambassador, but it's the truth."_

"I quite understand. You are James' closest ally. I would follow that, as a human, illogical threats of physical violence to satisfy James' honor would be offered. But who defends Spock?"

Jim raised his head. "Bones is just as much in Spock's corner as he is in mine. Well, a little more on my side, but still, he's pretty equal. And you know I'll defend Spock with my dying breath. Spock isn't alone in this." He looked back at the screen. "Bones, Spock's handling this as well as he can. I haven't spoken to him yet. I was just about to call him."

" _You called_ moi _before you called the hubby? I'm shocked and embarrassed. Go, call your spousie and get back to me another day. Thanks for the heads up and Jim?"_ McCoy waited for Jim's attention. _"You're halfway out of the woods. Keep going and you'll reach daylight."_

"You didn't mix your metaphors!" Jim exclaimed happily.

" _It ain't over til it's six of one, half a dozen of another. How's that? Call Spock. I'll talk to you later, Jim."_ McCoy ended the call.

Jim turned around. "Mind if I call him now?"

"No. I will be elsewhere to give you your privacy. Should you require assistance, pull this tassel here." Sarek pointed out a rope hanging from the wall, and walked out of the medical suite.


	55. Just Checking Up On You

Jim dialed his home number and crossed his fingers. When it was answered, he felt his heart leap. "Hey, stranger," he whispered.

" _Hello,"_ Spock replied, giving a small smile. " _You look … wonderful. How do you feel?"_

"Oh, not that bad. A little fuzzy around the edges mentally, but I guess that'll ease up in time. Mainly there's this huge _relief_ , you know? Just knowing?"

" _What is your opinion of the facility, and your healer?"_

Jim looked around. "I haven't seen much of the facility. I was really not all with it when they brought me in. My suite is nice. It's odd shacking up with your dad, but at least neither of you snores. I'm sure he's going to lose a lot of sleep in the next couple of days while they're getting me set up."

Spock nodded knowingly. _"Yet, after twelve years, I find I cannot sleep without your nightly sonance. I would prefer you here by my side, but I am greatly encouraged by the progress made so far."_

"All they've done is diagnose me, babe. I've taken two whole pills, that's it. Don't get too excited yet."

" _I reserve the right to be overcome should you return to me in a better status than you left me. Jim, I was devastated when we argued yesterday morning. I uttered words I did not mean, and I must apologize again,_ ashayam _. I did not wish to injure you."_

Jim sat down at the station. "Hon, it wasn't a one way street. When I said I'd be better off without you, that was really hurtful and wrong and I'm sorry. That's why I wanted you to hear that song – _I've got nothing to prove for it's you that I'd die to defend._ You're all I ever wanted, and I'm so very very sorry that I hurt you. I've been hurting you for years, but it might be at an end, Spock. This might be the very corner I've been looking to turn."

Spock started to answer when Jim suddenly shot up and dashed off. Spock blinked, trying to listen in to hear what happened. After several long moments Jim returned looking slightly peaked and sweaty.

"Ashayam _, are you well?"_

"I think something's wrong," Jim panted.

" _Call a healer, Jim. There should be a call rope nearby. Call a healer,_ t'hy'la _."_

Jim went and pulled the tassel and sat back down. "Don't leave me, Spock. I'm scared."

" _I will not leave you. What is wrong, Jim?"_

"I'm really sick to my stomach."

A healer entered the room and Jim began to describe to her great nausea and general weakness. She nodded and led him to his bed, laying him down. She went to the intercom and made a request in Vuhlkansu. As she walked by, Spock called out to her and spoke with her in their native tongue for a while before she hung up the comm unit.

Apparently, lithium had the potential to make a patient extremely queasy if taken without food. Sarek had been unaware and given Jim his morning dose with nothing but water. The healer was going to send food up to Jim's room and check on him in a half hour. She promised to have Spock called if it became more serious.

After another two hours, Spock got ready for bed and turned up the volume on the upstairs comm signal. He slept in his pajamas, ready to answer the call should it come.

* * *

The chiming snapped Spock out of his sleep and his internal clock told him it was three in the morning, so it was seven at night on New Vulcan. He got out of bed quickly and answered the machine.

" _Hey, I'm really, really, really sorry to wake you,"_ Jim began.

"No, _ashayam_ , I was waiting for your call. How was your day?"

Jim shrugged. _"I found out that you're supposed to eat with lithium. Sorry about earlier, I got really sick," he informed his husband. "I'm working with a healer named T'Beta, She's really gentle and she's worked with humans most of her career. She cussed at me!"_ Jim exclaimed happily. _"She said she didn't want to hear any 'macho bullshit' from me, that if I felt bad I was to call her. I think she's awesome."_

Spock breathed out in a silent laugh. "Remarkable. The odds of finding a healer so adept with humans, much less you, would have been – "

" _Shh! Never quote the odds to a Kirk._ "

Again, a silent laugh. "What is your next step of treatment?"

" _After this?"_ Jim thought for a while. _"Once my blood work is situated I head to Tovula to work with the Masters for a couple of weeks. It sounds like they're going to adjust the way I react to situations, kinda like really silent brain shrinkers, you know? Your dad's coming with, just to have some support, but it'll be me and a Master for most of the time."_

Spock nodded. "When you and I separated the first time – " Spock paused. "What an usual phrase. Regardless, when you and I separated the first time, I was making plans to go to Tovula to undergo Kolinahr. It is touted as a very restful place. I believe you will be able to relax there, Jim."

Jim smiled and leaned in to whisper. _"What do you say I rattle the cages of all those_ _Kolinahr_ _adepts? Make them second guess their decision?"_

"James, behave yourself," Spock warned. "You _can_ be asked to leave."

" _Oh, alright,"_ Jim groused playfully. _"Operation Psych-Out is a no-go."_

"You had already given your plan a name?" Spock chuckled. "You apparently have too much time."

" _Not really,"_ Jim answered honestly. _"Your dad's been really great, staying with me and keeping my mind off everything. He let me play on the computer and took me to some museums and then to the sehlat preserve. The babies are so freaking cute! I didn't realize it was birthing season. I got to hold a little one that was a couple of hours old. It tried to nurse my thumb. It was so adorable. No, I haven't had time to get into trouble,"_ Jim assured his mate.

"Jim, my father told our son that you and I were becoming codependent and that we need time apart to become individuals again. What is your opinion on this?"

Jim frowned. _"Well, I guess I can see that. We both depend pretty heavily on each other. Me more than you, but I can see where he's coming from. We needed to take a breather anyway. Hon, I swear, I am coming back and when I do, I'll be better for you. This is a good thing."_

"I miss you, James. Please take care and come home safely. I would greatly appreciate your company again." Spock kissed his fingertips and touched the screen.

Jim did the same and in the background, Sarek called. _"Uh, it's dinner time. I'll talk to you tonight, if I can wake up that early. Love you. Bye, babe."_

The line went dead. Spock got dressed and went for a run to clear his mind. When he returned he got on the computer for a while, but then the comm station chimed. Spock answered again, expecting Jim to have called back, but it was Doctor McCoy.

" _Hey, Spock, I wanted to call you and check on you. I talked to the brat … what, last night? That planet gives me transporter lag. Anyway, I wanted to fill you in on some stuff in the interim."_

"Certainly, Doctor."

The two talked for a long while, using scientific terminology neither could use in the presence of the person they were discussing. It felt good to be talking peer-to-peer for a bit. They spoke on that level for at least fifteen minutes and finally McCoy sighed.

" _Well, that's the long and short of it. How are you handling all of this, Spock?"_

Spock blinked. "Why is everyone concerned about my reaction? I am not the one diagnosed. What is this concern for my well-being?"

" _Well, you bat-eared brat, this affects you just as drastically. You have to be ready to support Jim with his treatment, you have to be prepared should he stop treatment altogether, and you sent off one husband and you're getting an entirely different one back. This is heavy, Spock."_

Spock responded in the negative. "I know my bondmate's mind. I know him and I will always know him. No mere medication can separate us. Regardless, I spoke with Jim before you called and he did not seem drastically different. A bit subdued, perhaps, but not so radically different that it would disturb me."

McCoy sucked at his teeth. _"A'right. You say you're okay, you're okay. If that changes, I want to hear from you. Get me, Spock?"_

"Clearly, Doctor. Thank you for your assistance."

" _Bye, Batty."_

"Goodbye, Doctor."


	56. On The Road Again

A stumbling, bleary-eyed teenager staggered down the stairs and into the kitchen. He was dressed, if you could use that word that loosely. He had one of his father's tank tops and his jogging shorts on, and he looked like he had lost some weight. Spock looked at his stepson, amused.

"'Morning, Father," David yawned.

"Were you awake unnecessarily late?"

David grabbed his cereal and sat down. "I was waiting for Dad to call. I heard him call this morning but I was so zonked I couldn't get up. How is he?"

"He is quite well. Your grandfather is watching him closely and your father is pleased with the healer to which he is assigned. He will be out of touch in approximately two days for a duration of three weeks. Will this distress you too greatly?"

David swallowed his mouthful but shook his head at the same time. When he took his next breath, he continued with, "It won't bother me because I know Dad's getting help and it's going to be okay. I'm not scared, not anymore."

Spock cleared his throat and told the boy, "With the exception of your intended, it would be most inappropriate for you to discuss this matter outside the home. Your father and I would appreciate your discretion."

"Oh, I wasn't even going to tell Bridget," David assured him. "I told her he went to New Vulcan for a while and I told her you're not getting a divorce, that it was kind of a retreat that Dad was going to. I wasn't going to say anything about the … you know," David finished, making a spinning motion at his temple.

Spock's eyes grew cold and he stood. "David, your father is not 'crazy' nor is he defective in any way, shape, or form. He has a medical condition for which he is seeking help. There is nothing shameful or wrong about that."

"Says the man who told me not to talk about it," David countered. "Father, it's not shameful to be crazy. Lots of people are crazy. Not crazy like that student who was here, but crazy nonetheless. Walter McDowell is bipolar, and he admits he's loony. It's kind of a status symbol because it's so rare anymore."

Spock's eyes widened slightly. "I beg your pardon? This is a status symbol? David, your father's career may very well be in jeopardy because of this diagnosis. I doubt he would be making jokes."

"Mr. McDowell doesn't joke about it all the time, but sometimes he'll make a crack to lighten the air. Like when he shattered four precious geodes in class, he said, 'Daggone, forgot to take my pills this morning!' It's not that big a deal. You take medicine, you talk to a shrink, it's really nothing."

Spock opened his mouth to object and then paused. Was his stepson right? This wasn't the twentieth century. Mental illness was hardly anything to be ashamed of anymore, as it was so readily treatable. Only a few were so great as to require permanent treatment in a facility, and though Spock had seen several cases in his time on the _Enterprise_ , even those were not hopeless.

Jim hadn't done anything wrong. This wasn't some sin he was being punished for by the gods. The chemical workings of Jim's brain were slightly different from other people's, and for that he would have to take medicine. Jim hadn't shied away from anything in his life, from talking to crewmembers honestly about his previous drug use to explaining to his son about his philandering ways before he married.

That first scenario had given Starfleet pause. Their top hero, talking about drugs openly? But Jim wasn't romanticizing what he had done. He gave the bald truth about what had happened and why he had quit, and had always told the younger officers how happy he was that he had quit. Spock had been appalled at first, but then found himself somewhat proud that his captain could be so free with the crew. It certainly seemed to deter many of them from what could have been a disastrous decision.

Starfleet had adjusted to the quirks and follies of their "fearless leader" (as McCoy referred to him) all those years ago. Would they be able to forgive one more oddity?

"Father?"

Spock stirred and shook his head. "I will make an arrangement with you: we will not discuss this with others until your father gives us his leave. Is that acceptable?"

"I can tell Bridget, and you can talk to Uncle Bones, right?"

"Correct."

"Okay." David threw his bowl in the cleaner and gestured upstairs. "I've got physics homework. I'll see you later."

Spock got up and prepared his meal. It was the second day Jim had been gone.

* * *

Jim stood still as the tricoder buzzed around his temples and over the top of his head. He tried to fix his eyes on a point in front of him and not fidget, and finally the healer _hummed_ and shut the device off.

"Your level is one point zero, which is acceptable. How do you feel?"

Jim shrugged and muffled a yawn. "I feel fine, I guess. I feel like I've caught up on some sleep, and now that I know to eat before I take my pill, my stomach's fine. I feel fuzzy still, but I can't tell if that's the medicine or the lack of contact with my bondmate. It's awful weird only having to think for one."

The healer nodded, but her eyes seemed to be smiling. "It is most fortunate you have a _t'hy'la_ bond; a mere marital bond would not react so forgiving to a separation of this distance." She made a notation in Jim's chart and pressed the 'record' button on the computer. "Doctor McCoy, 1200 milligrams appears to be an optimal dose for Captain Kirk's height and weight. I will be transferring his care to his father and the Masters at Tovula as of this afternoon, 1300 hours New Vulcan, 0200 Eastern Time Earth. If you require any clarification, contact me at this number. Peace and long life." She ended the recording.

Jim squirmed a little and lowered his voice. "Hey, what exactly are these Masters supposed to be doing to me? It sounds scary, like a human version of Kolinahr. I don't want to lose my emotions altogether, just learn to control them."

She gave a small smile and touched his shoulder briefly. "No, Captain, you are not undergoing Kolinahr. You are … have you viewed the cinematic production of _Star Wars?"_ Jim nodded quickly and she continued easily. "It is as if you are a padawan, and the Masters will be guiding you to become a Jedi. Only, there is no danger that you will become a Sith instead."

Jim laughed boisterously and grinned at her. "You're, like, the coolest Vulcan I've met outside my husband. And my father-in-law. But you're way up there."

"I wish you success, young captain. I will see you again should any difficulties arise with your medication, however I will desire that it not be so. Live long and prosper, James."

"Peace and long life," Jim replied. He walked out and met Sarek outside. "I'm ready, Father. Got everything?"

"Your belongings are packed and I have your medication. Is there anything else you desire to do before we leave for Tovula?"

"Nope, lead on, MacDuff."

In the aircar, Jim was quiet, but this quiet was different from his trip to New Vulcan. This was peaceful, as if he were just at one with his thoughts. Sarek observed him closely and realized the hard edge that had made Jim "James T. Kirk" had been softened somewhat. He hoped they had done the right thing, interfering with his mind. It would be most unfortunate if they had erred.

They arrived at the visitor's station for the monastery and unloaded their belongings. Sarek took two water bottles with him, as they were going to be required to hike the two kilometers into the monastery proper, and Jim was under strict orders to avoid dehydration.

On the first kilometer, Jim was silent. After a while, he began humming a tune. Sarek recognized it but couldn't place it. It was so _familiar_. Finally, he asked his son by marriage what he was singing.

"It's simply called 'Answer', and it's the song Spock and I came down the aisle to. I was just wanting a little piece of my husband with me while I make this journey. Not that you're not great company," he ended quickly.

"Of course. I have a memory of Amanda laughing that I access quite frequently, to make her presence closer. I understand." Sarek looked at his companion, who was flushed and very dry. "James, stop." They stopped and he gestured to the water bottle. "Drink your water. You are becoming dehydrated."

Jim sipped at the water and squirmed. "How much further, Father?"

"I estimate point eight six kilometers. Are you too fatigued?"

Jim turned a darker rose and shook his head. "I've got to go really bad, and I don't want to just let loose in the desert."

Sarek's eyebrows went up and he gestured to the side. "Walk twenty steps to either side of us and take care of your need. I will not watch, I assure you."

Jim didn't have to be told twice. He measured out his walk and when he reached the prescribed distance he turned his back and relieved himself. When he was done he turned around and walked back, still a red hue from embarrassment.

"Sorry, Father," he told Sarek. "I'm going to have to figure out the whole peeing every fifteen seconds. The healer made it sound rather urgent that I drink enough liquids, so I can't just stop drinking so I'll stop peeing."

"In some cultures, what you did would be considered a life-giving ritual. Regardless, you did not insult me, nor did you defile the monastery in any way. We are merely on a path between civilization and the retreat."

Jim relaxed, then looked guiltily at his water bottle. Sarek frowned. "Drink, child. There is more should you need it. I can give you my water when you run out; I cannot carry you another kilometer if you expire from dehydration."

"This is stupid," Jim snapped, and sucked at the water. "I don't like this."

Sarek raised an eyebrow. "You do not like walking in the desert?" He was baiting Jim.

Jim turned a caustic look at his father-in-law. "I don't like this medicine. It's done nothing but make me pee every whip-stitch because I'm drinking water like it's going out of style and I feel fuzzy. You're telling me this shit is preferable to me occasionally having a small, teeny-tiny fit?"

"You regret agreeing to treatment?"

"That's what I said." Jim sighed. "I'm only doing it for Spock. He's been through enough because of me."

"You would not have agreed to treatment had Spock excused your behavior?"

Jim shook his head and quickened his pace. "If it hadn't been for Spock, it would have been David. And if it wasn't for David, it would have been my mom. Somebody somewhere along the line would have gotten tired of being hurt by me and slapped me into custody."

"'Slapped you into custody'? Do you feel you are in some way incarcerated? Have I curtailed your activities that severely?" Sarek was being honest – he was willing to take responsibility if Jim's displeasure was his fault.

Jim stopped abruptly. "No, Father. I'm sorry, I'm just bitching. The great James T. Kirk has a screw loose, and I haven't exactly become at one with that fact yet."


	57. Reassurances

"James, you are the same man you were the last time you arrived on this planet; the same man who came home with my son nearly thirteen years ago. You are the same child I saw in his mother's pictures many years ago. Nothing has changed, it has only been clarified. There is a slight chemical imbalance for which there is a name and a treatment. You are still the same man you have always been. However, you must not take my word for this; speak with your _t'hy'la_ when you return home."

Jim resumed his march through the desert wilderness. "If I could hug you, I would have just now."

"I shall consider myself hugged."

When they arrived at the monastery, Jim had to go to the bathroom once again, and it was with great trepidation that he asked his guide where he could do so. He was led back to the living area by another guide while the first Vulcan dealt with Sarek. When everyone was together again, Sarek and Jim were taken to the first area they would be working at. Sarek went in a room to the left; Jim went right.

A severe Vulcan man seated in the lotus position looked up at Jim. He pointed silently to the floor and Jim sat down likewise in front of him. Then the man raised his hand in a gesture requesting a meld. Jim pulled away. He had never melded with anyone but his mate (and, well, Solion, but same diff).

The man became more insistent and Jim finally breached protocol to speak aloud.

"Hey, uh, I'm kinda in a relationship and I don't just go melding with anyone."

"It is not sexual," the Master assured him.

"No, I know, look, I have a _t'hy'la_ and I'm very sensitive to anyone else touching my mind. Do you understand?"

"You are _t'hy'la_. I understand. I will remain shielded for your comfort. May I join your mind?" The Master seemed more comfortable now that he was speaking aloud.

"Yes." Jim leaned forward to give him access and the two went silent.

Five short minutes later the hand came down. "Fascinating."

"Now, when Spock says that, it either means it's really really good or really really bad."

"No, young one, you are not bad. I have not melded with a bonded _t'hy'la_ before. It was … amazing, to use a word. But what shocked me was there are not one but _two_ separate _t'hy'la_ connections within you, and you have lost one of them recently."

Jim started. "Solion."

"Indeed. Were you unaware of the bond you shared with him?"

Jim blushed. "Well, I had an idea but I wasn't ever certain. Does that mean I'm some sort of bigamist or something?"

"No. You were, and still are, only bonded to Captain Spock. However, in all essence, even had you been bonded to Solion, you would still have only been bonded to Spock, since he was the same being from another timeline."

"I'm not breaking some horrible rule by speaking about this?"

The dark eyes sparkled in the candlelight. "In your world, I am clergy. What you say to me remains in confidence. To a point, on this planet nothing supersedes this declaration, not even the humans' mantra of 'suicide, murder, or abuse'."

"So, what'dya find out when you went in the dark spaces?" Jim joked.

"You are still grieving Solion, and because of the _t'hy'la_ bond you will be for the foreseeable future." The Master tilted his head. "You are receiving medical assistance for a condition, most likely the condition which brought you here." He paused. "You are frightened that this treatment will forever change who you are and how you react to the universe."

"Cool. Do Sarek next," Jim exclaimed as he clapped his hands.

"You may make this as humorous as you desire, it does not alter the facts." The Master folded his hands in his lap. "Do you wish my assistance?"

"I do," Jim replied apologetically. "I don't mean to be an ass, I'm just really nervous."

The Master scooted closer. "You miss your bondmate."

"Yeah."

"And you worry for your offspring, who has decided to leave your dwelling and return to his other parent's home, against your wishes and with rancor in his heart."

Jim shivered. "You're really good at this."

"I am not a fortune teller. It is all clear in your thoughts. I will assist you, but first I must tell you something." He leaned forward. "We have an acolyte here who has a condition not unlike your species' version of diabetes. He must have magnesium available to take should his condition worsen. Does he resent the magnesium? Does he resent the courier who brings it every month? Does he resent the healer who monitors him? You know the answer. So why should it be so difficult for you to be as accepting of your plight?"

"Here's the deal," Jim began seriously. "If I could just throw a switch and say 'La de da, I have to take this pill for the rest of my life' I would do it. I honestly have no qualms with people who are sick. But _me_ , you know? I'm James freaking Tiberius Kirk. I hunted Nero to his death. I stopped the asteroid that was coming for Earth. I've done it all. I just feel like a pansy now."

"You were in a same sex relationship for twelve years before a miniscule diagnosis made you feel like a pansy?"

Jim's fist shot up. "Watch your mouth, bud."

"No disrespect intended," the Master insisted, almost laughing. "But that was in your thoughts as well. I am merely using your lexicon."

Jim slumped forward. "I'm sorry. I guess I figure I can think it about myself, but someone else can't."

"You feel that way about many a topic. It is perfectly acceptable for you to disparage yourself, but not anyone else. Perhaps when you meditate tonight, you may focus on why you believe this to be true."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You _may._ "

"Wow, that's got to be cultural." Jim shook his head. "What's your name?"

The Master waved his hand. "I have no name. I am but a part of a greater whole."

"Okay, so you're Phillip."

The man's mouth quirked. "Very well. I may not answer, but you may refer to me by that title." His eyes softened. "In your earlier examples, where you did such bold feats, tell me, did you pilot the ship?"

"No."

"Did you fire the weapons?"

"No."

"Did you chart the course?"

"No, what's your point?"

Phillip raised an eyebrow. " _No man is an island._ You required assistance to achieve these miraculous endeavors, and you were not ashamed of it then. Why would you be ashamed of receiving assistance now?"

It was as if a light bulb went off in Jim's head. Everything clicked for a brief second and he gasped. Then it was gone, but he remembered what he had seen.

"I get it now, Phillip."

"Very well. Let us begin our first lesson."


	58. Joyous Homecoming

Spock woke slowly and shivered. He had left the window open last night, and October was rapidly becoming colder every night. It was probably in the 40s this morning. Spock got up and shut the window and was just dressing when he heard the front door shut downstairs. He quickly retrieved the phaser from the closet and set it, pressing himself against the wall beside the door.

_T'hy'la, put away your weapon. It's just me._ The mental message came with a hint of laughter, and Spock put the weapon down on the desk and flung open the door.

"JIM!"

"Hey, baby, shhh, you'll wake up David." Jim carried in his suitcases and put them down, enduring a (nearly literally) bone crushing hug from his mate. "Easy, tiger, I'm right here."

Spock was busy smelling his mate, and tasting his mate, and feeling his mate all at the same time. He pressed his nose in Jim's hair and exhaled. "Oh, Jim, you came back!"

"Of course I came back, kiddo, what, did you think I wouldn't?"

"I was uncertain. I had not heard from you and your exile had expired two days ago and …."

"I came straight home. Which reminds me, I need to eat breakfast. I have to take my medicine." Jim went downstairs and ordered a plate of eggs with salsa and sat down at the table. "So, come sit. Tell me everything I missed while I was gone."

Spock sat and talked to Jim about everything that had happened at the Academy, about the Tellarite taking over Jim's class again and the students' amusement at him; he shared the discussions he had had with David and the news that David would not be leaving for Riverside after all; he told him about speaking to his mother and her request that Jim call when he got in because Spock wouldn't divulge any of Jim's secrets.

Jim finished his eggs and tossed the plate in the cleaner and waved for Spock to follow him back upstairs, where he unpacked part of a suitcase and dug out a bottle of pills from the side pouch. There were very few pills in the container and Spock asked why.

"I was only given a month's supply. She wants me to follow up with Bones, but Bonesy's totally in the loop. Stop worrying so much, precious!" Jim shook out a pill and went in the bathroom to take it with a glass of water.

Spock scrutinized his mate critically. He had lost approximately ten pounds, from the feel of the hugs he had given him. He was much more muscular, indicating he had been performing manual labor with the acolytes. But the difference was the _thoughts_ he was sending out. They were orderly and precise, with just a hint of the irrelevance that made them distinctly Jim Kirk.

Jim caught him staring and smirked at him. " _Le matya_ got your tongue?"

Spock blinked. "You have not been this composed since we married. No, since before. How do you feel, Jim?"

"I'm alright, hon, seriously, chill out. I'm not china, I'm not gonna break, and you're not dreaming either. I'm back, only a slightly better version. JTK 2.0. And you want something that's _really_ going to blow your mind?" Jim went and shut the door and Spock felt a familiar stirring in the bond. Jim was preparing to make love to him.

" _Ashayam,_ this is not necessary."

"Fuck _necessary,_ this is what I _want._ " Jim shimmied out of his jeans and boxers in one move and chucked his Oxford shirt in the corner. According to his anatomy, this was very much what he wanted. Spock stood still as Jim strutted over and began undressing him. "This is much easier in two player mode," Jim griped as he picked up one of Spock's feet and slid the slacks off the appendage. Spock inhaled and began to assist his mate.

When both were undressed Jim held up a finger and walked away to his side of the bed. Then he crooked the finger and beckoned his mate. He was recreating their wedding night. Spock felt himself trembling and exhaled shakily. Jim bore him down to the mattress and the rest, as they say, was history.

…

Spock was curled up on his side, treasuring the warm presence behind him, when someone knocked on the door. He was wondering who could be in his father's house when he woke up fully and realized he was in his own bedroom in San Francisco, and that was probably David. He got dressed and covered his mate further before answering the door.

"Any news?" David asked hopefully.

Spock held a finger to his lips and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind himself. "Your father arrived early this morning," Spock whispered.

David squeaked and pawed at Spock. "Let me see him! I have to see him!"

Spock shushed him and replied, "You will be given full access upon his awakening. He has had a difficult trip and he needs his rest. However, I did present your apologies and he said, and I quote, 'It was nothing. I'm glad he's alright, but I forgave him a long time ago.'"

David's eyes teared up and he nodded. "Okay. I wanted him to know I love him. But I'll let him rest. I'll be in the shower."

Spock slipped back in the bedroom and found Jim had sprawled out under the covers, taking the entire bed. Spock's mouth curved up and he remembered all the times Jim had done this during the first year of their marriage, with it being especially amusing since they slept in a tiny double bed on the ship. It was just as amusing in a king size bed twelve point nine eight years later.

Spock felt Jim calling out for him and he knelt on the side of the bed, running his fingers through Jim's hair. "I am here, _t'hy'la._ Wake up."

One ocean blue eye peeked open and blinked to clear the sleepy dust away. "Hey, good morning."

"Good morning, Jim."

"How did you like my little surprise?"

Spock flushed. "It was pleasant. Slightly more pleasant the second time around, but pleasant nonetheless."

"I know, virginity sucks and all. So, what's on our agenda?"

Spock grew quiet. "Admiral Pike wishes to see you at your earliest convenience."

Jim rolled over onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. He was silent for a long time and finally exhaled. "Sure. Whatever. What else?"

"Jim, I do not know how to inform you of this news. There are no gentle words."

"Just say it, babe. I'm a big boy, I can handle it."

Spock averted his eyes. "Rumor would have it that you are being dismissed."

Jim chuckled softly. "Not really a surprise, Spock. I'm ready for it. I worked on my resume during my downtime. Looks pretty pitiful: dishwasher, busboy, waiter, Captain in Starfleet. End of story. But it's all good. I'll do whatever I have to. I'm not afraid to get back down in the trenches."

Spock looked back at his mate. "I have other disturbing news." He tried to hide the punchline from the bond.

"Go on."

"I am heterosexual." Spock's voice broke at the effort to not laugh.

"Oh, Jesus, shoot me now! The world's coming to an end!" Jim cried. Then he clamored up and bit Spock's earlobe. "You didn't seem all that hetero forty five minutes ago," he purred in his ear.

"Caught in the web of my own deception," Spock intoned seriously. "Jim, are you honestly this collected? Is this stability what I have to which to look forward?" His voice turned hopeful at the end.

Jim sat back on his heels. "I might break every now and again. Nothing's guaranteed. But for the majority of the time, what you see is what you get." He looked into Spock's eyes. "Look, hon, I know you've been through hell and back with me and I'm sorry that I didn't do this sooner. No amount of dignity, no accolade or praise is worth your safety and happiness. I did this for you at first, but after a while I did it for me. I wanted to be better, and I am."

Spock leaned up and pressed his lips against Jim's forehead. Then he leaned his head down so they were touching, and their breath mingled. Spock imagined he was breathing in his mate's very essence, and exhaling all the strife and agony of the past twelve years. In his mind's eye, he saw Jim shattering a bottle against a barroom wall; Jim punching the bulkhead hard enough to bloody his knuckles; Jim crying out of sheer frustration; Jim pacing the floors because he couldn't sleep – he saw every moment he had ever stopped and thought, "Something is not right with this situation." Then as he inhaled, he closed his eyes and remembered Jim sprawled out in front of Solion, learning the statement for declaration of intent to marry; Jim answering his computer in his Transformers boxers just to mess with the Admiralty for calling so early on a Saturday; Jim sledding with his son in Iowa and laughing at Spock for refusing to eat the snowflakes – all the times he swore he would marry Jim a million times over again.

Could he handle this new, radically different Jim? Would it truly last, or was this a fleeting dream that would end at any moment?

Even as the doubts sounded in Spock's mind, images began to appear from Jim's mind. Jim, strapped to a table as the doctor approached with the electrode. Jim taking his pill faithfully twice a day. Jim in a meld with a Master, a small smile on his face and through it all, he was getting better every day. And every night he would sleep on the small, hard mattress and he would kiss his wedding band and sing himself to sleep. Jim was determined he would face this condition and beat it like he had beaten everything else that had ever tried to hold him down.

"Spock, it's okay. You can let go now. I'll catch you. I won't let you fall, I swear."

Spock leaned his head down on Jim's shoulder and breathed deeply, shivering from the emotion coursing through him. Then he raised his head and looked at Jim with new eyes.

"Welcome home, _ashayam._ "

"It's good to be home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: What a long, strange trip it's been! Thanks for hanging out with me during my literary voyage and thanks so much for all your support and encouragement. As you know, there's always an ending part, so get comfy and enjoy the encore. Thanks again.


	59. Epilogue

Epilogue

* * *

Christopher Pike had gone out on a limb and insisted the plans for promotion continue; after all, if Jim was that good previously, how much better would he be now? Jim was sworn in as an admiral December 14th, with Spock, Winona, Sarek, David, and Bridget watching. The original bridge crew of the USS _Enterprise_ sent congratulations, and Scotty swore he had the new admiral on speed dial now.

David had explained to his mom previously that something out of his father's control had occurred and that he was going to stay after all. After December 14th, Jim gave his son permission to discuss his condition when appropriate. Carol was dumbfounded and asked the same question most everyone did – "Why didn't I see this before?" She began to thaw somewhat to her ex and relations between the parents became much more civil.

Courtney Sullivan called one last time, this time to say goodbye. She had been rehabilitated and was moving to Denub Four to start a research job. She apologized for her actions and mentioned she had heard Jim had gone to bat for her when he had returned from New Vulcan. She remained blissfully unaware of what changed his mind but eternally grateful. She was not heard from again.

McCoy continued to monitor Jim and enlisted the help of Starfleet Medical for the nitpicky, day-to-day issues he couldn't wait to check personally. Jim did wonderfully; he didn't have to have his medicine adjusted too frequently and his side effects began to dissipate after six months. But the good behavior continued. Spock finally relaxed fully and he quit henpecking his husband so much. Their relationship improved immensely and whereas in September of '71 they had been on the verge of divorce, in December of '72 they had a huge party and renewed their vows on their fourteenth anniversary. They had a portrait made of their family – everyone. Winona, Sarek, Carol and Jakob (who had married earlier that year themselves), David and his new fiancee, Bridget, and the glue that held them all together – James Tiberius Kirk _adun_ Spock, and Spock of Vulcan.

Peace reigned in the land, and they had many more adventures ahead, but that's another story.

* * *

"Spock?"

"Mmm?"

"Have you ever heard of edible body paint?"

Spock raised his eyes from his padd and fixed his husband with a glare. "What are you up to, _ashayam?_ "

Jim giggled. "Not for us. God, we're way too old. We'd break a hip or something. No, for David's bachelor party. Sound like a good present?"

Spock leaned back in his chair and looked at the ceiling. "James, there is a reason I am not attending the festivities. Alcohol, scantily clad women, poker, and greasy foods do not appeal to me in the slightest. Nor do I wish to know what accessories are required for such an event. For the sake of our son, I beg of you, do not involve me."

"Well I'm not drinking, you know I won't pay a lick of attention to the chicks, I won't play poker but I might give my son tips so he cleans up, and … well, I can't say anything bad about the greasy food but I promise I'll brush my teeth when I get in. Will you at least help me write my speech?"

There was a soft sigh. "I cannot believe it is time for our son to be matrimonially linked to Ms. Irving."

"Ah! Mrs. Irving-Marcus."

"Not yet, _t'hy'la._ I will refer to her as such after the ceremony, but not before."

"You realize our nest is about to be empty," Jim warned seriously.

"I can handle that, Jim. Can you?"

The comm station went off as Jim was formulating his response. He checked the ID – it was Starfleet.

"Duty calls," Jim replied.

The stars shone brightly above them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: [Once again, as always, my deepest gratitude goes to my beta, mockingbirdhill, for being there as I hammered out the details of this story. She even was my cheerleader when I hit a rough patch and didn't know which way to turn. I'm lucky to have her in my life. Spock's pon farr being referred to as his Time I first saw in the book Sarek, by A.C. Crispin. Any Vulcan words were done with the help of The Vulcan Language Dictionary online, www .starbase-10. de/vld/ . Music is the respective work of its artist(s).]
> 
> This is where I leave you all. Jim and Spock go on to have other adventures, and I have a fifth story written for private reading, but I will not be publishing in the Desert Christmas saga again. I encourage you all to use your imaginations and give them more journeys to go on. Thank you so much for all your encouraging words. I couldn't have done this without you all. Take care, everyone. Good night.


End file.
